I Pray I Will Die In My Sleep. Does Anyone Else?

[joeylittle]

There IS NO 'reference to S.S.Disability insurance' on this post.

You asked if people have prayed to die in their sleep. @SheilaKathy states that the reason she prays to die in her sleep is if SSDI is cut in 2016 as projected.

Bet you a million dollars I'm getting a FRACTION of what you are from disability.

It's not a competition, you know?

I've thought about this thread a lot lately. It's strange - I don't actually think I would want to die in my sleep. For some reason I want to be there when it happens. But there are some days when it's beautiful out, and the sun is coming in the window, and I am laying down because I didn't sleep overnight and need a nap, and I think that I would be happy to have the last thing I see be that sun coming through the window. I do think that.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

I always think - what should I have for my last meal? It should be something REALLY good.
Morbid.
I know.

 

[IanG]

I pray this before bed and in the middle of the night. That I would have a heart attack and not survive. Or...

I can definitely relate. I've been doing the same thing for many many years.

 

[Eagle3]

Today is one of those days for me. Triggered out of my gourd and ready to end it. For the last 3 months, actually, I've been praying to die in my sleep, then be disappointed when I wake up in the morning. Figure if I actually wake up, then I have to face the crap for one more day. Ugh. So tired. O well, when I go, I'll be happy, but until then I have to keep plugging along, making forward progress, and enjoy each moment I have.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

We're the only species on the planet that thinks we must have "value" in order to exist.

I ask why?

Who the hell decides what is valuable? isn't this a pure judgment call?

I had someone ask me what my value was. I told him that I care about my friends and family. I would do anything for them. I care about humankind as a whole. I want to make the world a better place. I want to pay it forward. He argued with me saying how these things weren't of "value" because they are basic human traits. i wanted to punch him in the f*cking nuts. How DARE he tell me that I have no value?!?! f*cking prick.

 

[Mammo]

Not religious myself, so don't pray, but certainly "wish" for similar...to just not wake up; to get hit by a bus. It makes me upset when "good people" die out of freak accidents, or illness...I'm left thinking, why couldn't that happen to me instead, as I have no value, whereas these other people do.

sorry...morbid much.

 

[Tinyflame]

Actually, I don't want to die in my sleep, I'd rather have warning & a chance to say good-bye.

I no longer just 'hope' for it, though some moments I so wish it. But also, there is a wonderful feeling when one can wake up with joy. (I didn't today, because of night terrors but I'm shaking them off best I can). I think I am proactively trying to re-enter the land of the living with small steps. :barefoot:

 

[Bookoffee]

Tomorrow I am having a third CT scan because the last one with due is 'hazy', whatever the hell that means.

I am hoping, praying, and sending out thoughts that the scan will come back deadly. I am ready.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

Wow @Junebug, you still get moments of joy? My gosh. That makes me sad, I remember joy. I've not thought of joy for so long. I wonder if I will ever feel joy again. Good for you.

@Bookoffee, I'm waiting for an MRI as well and was hoping for the same thing. Tragic. Quick. However I'm always amazed at how someone else wanting to die really disturbs me. I hope yours is not a terrible outcome.
I TRULY cannot see the value as a human being in myself. I truly cannot see any worth in me. It's weird it's like some of mental block. I KNOW somehow this isn't right but I also TRULY believe that I am worth nothing. If someone I could get that out of my head and change the script my chances of survival exist but everything and everything I do, the inner dialogue doesn't change.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @imok , except I guess it's not 'still moments of joy' but rather moments of joy, unexpected, & not thought of as possible.

 

[StarChild]

I am hoping, praying, and sending out thoughts that the scan will come back deadly. I am ready.

I really hate life. All the ooohhies and awwwies and left me up junk is just pissing me off more. There is no need for me to be here

Hi @Bookoffee, for a better understanding of your statements, could you please clarify / explain this to me; Your wife wants to divorce you, and therefore you want to die? Am I getting this right? And if that's the case, could you please explain to me, why this makes you desire death? I'm not curious, but try to understand you. So your answer would be very appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

Am I the only one who finds it.... What's a word I can use so that I'm not shot at or persecuted.....
When someone contributes to a post but doesn't feel like bringing other parts of their life or peices of information into that post (which is THEIR perogative) yet another member volunteers information that they've (the other person) made on other threads and carriers that over to other posts-
Does anyone else see the inappropriateness of this?
(Have I explained this correctly so others can understand?)