I Realize That I

internal

Sponsor
i realize that i am stronger than i usually give my self credit for. the fact that i can function within society in any meaning full way is proof of this. people say to me things of this nature some times and it does not really compute with me.

but on some logical level it must be true. because what happened to me was true. and what happens to other people of the same nature of things is also true. therefore i must be distinct in some way.

it feels very negative and narcissistic and ego to admit that. i don't like it. i feel ungrateful and bad. but maybe that is not true. i realize that i do not always have the accurate self assessment of my self.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I do realize, listening to rage when going to bed, rage upon awakening (or maybe not on any given day), is no way to live, and there's no way out. But that, relatives, counselor/ friend that didn't even care to return call or acknowledge, all the while talk of dignity, is such b.s. Going to erase any and every vestige of any and all of them I can. Full Stop.
 

Tornadic Thoughts

MyPTSD Pro
I realize that I should never again try to hurriedly grab something that's fallen beside me, on the wood floor, while I'm in a big chair with wheels. Grateful that the most padded part of me landed on the hardest part of the chair. I bet that's gonna leave a mark! 😳
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
I realize that I have changed in some fundamental ways since my family passed away. I realize things are never gonna be quite the same but it doesn't mean I should roll myself up in a fetal position and let it drag me down. Am I heartbroken? Absolutely, but that is no excuse to just pull my feet up and stop living. Is it difficult? Yes, it is at times, but there are also some very funny, and happy memories that I will always cherish, so I need to find ways of honoring my family and the best way I can do that is to continue living to the best of my ability. I realize I am much, much stronger than I have ever given myself credit for.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I realize, from my family on up, for the recent past (years) I am the one, though avoidant, that I think has been more vulnerabler than others, in my words, addressing things, viewing my fault or role, apologizing, or speaking. I don't resent it, I didn't really have a choice not to, but after stuff I've heard the last few days it has made me feel that I should not have, or suspicious. As I don't resent what's important to me as not being important to others, but I do have to question why that wouldn't matter to me? Because if what matters to me, or my feelings, or my presence/ absence doesn't matter to someone, then I don't matter to someone. And that should matter enough to me to not ignore or minimize it. I don't know if that's a passing negative thought because of the last few days/ months, or an accurate realization to accept. Is it the influence of what I've heard/ not heard, or is it reflective of the truth?
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
I realize that I can now follow my T’s conversations and thought processes. In the first couple of years of therapy every single session I would suddenly realize that she was talking and I had zero idea of what came before or where she was going. My strategy was to nod and smile. That doesn’t happen anymore. I still dissociate in session but not in the middle of like a check-in chat. If it’s light I can stay present.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I realize I inadvertently pick up other's negativity like a sponge and it impacts on my own life, which is wrong. But in doing so, I also realized I am not normally afforded any explanations or information, and nothing is reconciled if it is my question. If I do not take the full blame for even the question, there is no relationship to salvage. That is not safe, and it doesn't feel very kind, either. It feels like I have to dumb down, and I am a pawn and was just stupid. Whic, maybe I am/was.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
I realize, now that I am 60 years old, that my time on this Earth is limited and I want to be the very best person I can be. Not for everyone else's sake but for my own. I don't think that is selfish. I need to know that my love and caring for others counts for something. I give an incredible amount of love to others but tend to shortchange myself. I realize that I can't continue to do that. I deserve at least as much love and support as anyone else.

(There is another website that I visit where there are many fellow trauma survivors).
 
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