I Realize That I

[ladee]

@CoolBreezeonahotday Yes I haven't had to phonetically spell it in a long time. I always loved the way @Ronin spelled it, 'LahDee'. Sure do miss Ronin.

It is feels nice to read your last few posts. I feel the happiness coming out in your words. I hope this last for a very long time for you. Lots of hugs sent your way. We've traveled a lot of miles together.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you so much @ladee . I know it won't last- in the sense all feelings change. But they change back also! More importantly I have a bit better idea of how I've been the author of my own misery, as well as others'. I can't lie, I do have some trepidation I can stay focused forward when I am not on my own. But well, I'll do the best I can.

Yes I miss Ronin very much also. I 'say one' every night.

It has been many miles @ladee ! And I will carry you any time I can, btw. Especially piggy-back.. I couldn't ask for a better companion. Lucky me!

Love and hugs to you Dear Ladee

 

[ladee]

@CoolBreezeonahotday there was a time a while back that I couldn't reply to you. Not because I don't love and support you, but because I was struggling with my sons death. I didn't reply to many I care about during that time. I could only hope people understood. And if not that was ok too. I did.

I just need my friends here to walk with me if they can. I don't want any One to carry this or me. Much love to you Coolbreeze. You matter to me.

 

[Tinyflame]

Not because I don't love and support you, but because I was struggling with my sons death. I didn't reply to many I care about during that time. I could only hope people understood.

OMG @ladee , of course I understood, and understand now. Please don't even think in any other way!! It is horrific for you. In fact, I have been the same, unable to support or reach out to others as I wish, for you also.

I don't want any One to carry this or me

I know @ladee . But a burden shared is a burden halved, right...? Anytime. Because I love you. (And I have good )
Xoxoxox!

 

[Magnolia]

I have realized that no one will understand me if I don't let them in.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

The one thing I realized about myself is that I need an emotional and intellectual connection with someone first before I begin to feel anything for someone. When people mention sex to me right off the bat, I feel very uncomfortable about it. I need to have a strong connection with someone first before I'm intimate with anyone I date.

 

[Defaultxlove]

Need to rest!!

 

[OliveJewel]

That maybe focusing on what I can control will shift this tangled feeling inside. I still feel pulled to mull over politics and the economy. Like it makes me feel stronger to know what’s happening, yet ever more frustrated and helpless. Wondering if it’s kind of like an addiction. Or related to the old habit of “making sure that something is going wrong.”

I realize that I want to focus on what I can control but that I still feel pulled into things that I can’t.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize I don't have the ability to discern if I should go away or interpret that's the implicit message I'm supposed to be getting and do that for others' sake, or if I'm supposed to challenge my old ways of thinking.Although I do know my time has importance to me. But I don't want to hurt anyone by thinking or perceiving wrongly or unfairly, but I don't want to be a burden either if they're too kind to say so.

 

[ladee]

@CoolBreezeonahotday, not clear about where you think you should leave, but hope it's not here. Just sayin'. Hugs

 

[Tinyflame]

Well @ladee not before a certain (wonderful) person's gallbladder starts behaving.

I do realize that if I want to change my thinking I can't choose from the same old self-depricating place, or it's just the same-old loop. Which is not useful. Familiar, but not useful. Any decision I choose to make or not to, or is out of my hands can - no, should- be made the same without self-deprication as the driver.

I know also I don't like to have to rely on anyone else, or be dependent or require the input of other people. it's hard for me also to sit with uncertainty if I see myself as a negative presence. I also realize getting a voice doesn't mean it's going to always be heard, and it requires going
of outside my comfort zone, But fwiw it's too difficult for me. If I can rely only on myself I don't even need a voice.

 

[ladee]

Sending you and your voice big hugs today!!