I Realize That I

I realize I don't have to allow past abuse from when I was a child and teenager effect me anymore. I have a choice now. I also realise those people who abused me are/were damaged people and I was forced to be under their supervision etc. and none of that was my fault. I also realise, most importantly, that their opinions don't matter (and never did). I realize it's okay to grieve lost time and lost opportunities due to all of the abuse and all of the times other people beat me down.
 
'Realize' might be too strong a word, but I woke up remembering I made a promise to stay. I forgot. Seems easier to forget when it doesn't seem to make sense or be wanted. But, I don't doubt the explanation or apology, it just seems to not be relevant, one doesn't leave where one isn't wanted to begin with. Mind you, easier to believe that for me, and then clear and no doubt. And, who knows, maybe I am difficult to talk to. Nonetheless, I promised. Even if it doesn't make sense.
 
i realize it's very hard to watch someone suffer. But (for me) it's even harder to be pushed away. Yet I get it, because I do the same. Or I didn't have to, because there was no one there to support me. So I was used to it/ more comfortable. And never knew how to accept it.

People should come with manuals.
 
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