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I Realize That I

I realize that I gave away my voice which included my power to others. With this new therapist, I'm finding that I do have a voice and that I tolerated a lot of abusive behavior by others.

I realize that I do have a voice now and I do have personal power and now can look back on situations where I just didn't speak up when I needed to.
 
I realize that right now my biggest challenge is dealing with expectations that I have had of certain people and then I would be let down or disappointed by them.

I realize I need to learn to accept them as is or walk away from them or at least not give myself away to them which I have in the past.
 
I realized today, that some of my obsessive worrying and having anxiety is from the unwritten rules of my abusive father and that I have been trying to force myself to enforce these unwritten rules with the power of my inner critic, also my abusive father.

I find it interesting that my dad hurt me way more than my alcoholic mom did.
 
I realize that when things go awry for me, I have a tendancy to become mean spirited and I hate being this way, I need to find out what is the cause of this occuring and change it to be better spirited.
 

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