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I Realize That I
- Post starter BlackbirdSinging
- Start date
I realize my need for pre-warning comes directly back not to control, which I don't care about so much, but rather to traumas preceded in the moment by not only happiness, but even a momentary relief/ happiness/ relaxed feeling (rare for me to be relaxed, anyway). I was either, very relaxed and happy and joyful and optimistic, or even momentarily relieved +/or hopeful. I can think of at least 5 times this was so, without even thinking much. I can remember the last thought/ feeling, or what I was doing, then- bam. I think I fear feeling relaxed, joyful, or hope. I think I feel it won't change it not to be, but the blow if/ when something happens won't be so devastating/ hurt as much. Reduce shock, I guess.
Idk how to change that, though, or if a person even can? :confused:
Idk how to change that, though, or if a person even can? :confused:
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I've got to write this down before I forget, hope it makes sense rushing!
Thanks to help and guidance, I realize I think of 'everyone' the same, that is- I try to give the same compassion, empathy, love, responsibility to them, forgiveness (& hope to be forgiven when necessary, even if not expected), & that is impossible but also - unwise. Such as taking to heart all abuse, feeling terrible myself. [ For eg, I can't even watch those true crime shows, without feeling badly for everybody, even the killer (ridiculous as that sounds). But it reminds me, I was also directed I have to protect myself. Foreign concept, really.. ? :confused: ] I realize a lot of SI is coming from there. Which I guess is protecting myself, also, to acknowledge that, and feel ok to change it (not guilty to let someone down).
But also, people can't be treated equally- because you can't trust who will harm you. And also, it doesn't give credit to those who don't, because they don't get the credit (since mistrust is across the board too, and I can't help but to notice when it occurs with others, not them). Also, just not "everyone's" words are life giving, or kind, or do they even know (me) much, at all. Whereas, with the opposite, shame and guilt has become instead some relief, and I feel like I have a wee bit of value. I am so thankful. :notworthy:
*ETA, that is, not every person should have equal say in your (my) life. It should be based on the relationship, and their goodness, and wisdom, and with care for one's self and others, and not abusive or harmful, and if they want good for me, or do not.
And stress makes my whole body swell up- even my feet! Really, head to toe. If I didn't know better I'd swear my 'brain' does, as well! ?
Oh yes! And being 'lost' doesn't mean we've done anything wrong! And also, we may not know we're lost. Which I think originally I didn't, but trying to get help for someone else brought me my own help. And everyone will be found. :notworthy::)
Thanks to help and guidance, I realize I think of 'everyone' the same, that is- I try to give the same compassion, empathy, love, responsibility to them, forgiveness (& hope to be forgiven when necessary, even if not expected), & that is impossible but also - unwise. Such as taking to heart all abuse, feeling terrible myself. [ For eg, I can't even watch those true crime shows, without feeling badly for everybody, even the killer (ridiculous as that sounds). But it reminds me, I was also directed I have to protect myself. Foreign concept, really.. ? :confused: ] I realize a lot of SI is coming from there. Which I guess is protecting myself, also, to acknowledge that, and feel ok to change it (not guilty to let someone down).
But also, people can't be treated equally- because you can't trust who will harm you. And also, it doesn't give credit to those who don't, because they don't get the credit (since mistrust is across the board too, and I can't help but to notice when it occurs with others, not them). Also, just not "everyone's" words are life giving, or kind, or do they even know (me) much, at all. Whereas, with the opposite, shame and guilt has become instead some relief, and I feel like I have a wee bit of value. I am so thankful. :notworthy:
*ETA, that is, not every person should have equal say in your (my) life. It should be based on the relationship, and their goodness, and wisdom, and with care for one's self and others, and not abusive or harmful, and if they want good for me, or do not.
And stress makes my whole body swell up- even my feet! Really, head to toe. If I didn't know better I'd swear my 'brain' does, as well! ?
Oh yes! And being 'lost' doesn't mean we've done anything wrong! And also, we may not know we're lost. Which I think originally I didn't, but trying to get help for someone else brought me my own help. And everyone will be found. :notworthy::)
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ETA I ,kept thinking, what doesn't sit right/ what didn't I mean, above ^^? And it's, re crime shows, I don't feel sorry 'for' the killer, but how they ended up that way. Ugh. Anyway, - too creepy.
I realize I shouldn't allow one person's actions to influence how I treat another.
I realize there is ~healthy avoidance, at times.
I realize it makes things less scary, less important or pressing, and less worrisome, to speak them out loud. And more clarity, to joint problem solve.
I realize I don't treat myself as well as my puppy, by far. I would never do to her once, what I routinely do to myself.
I realize I shouldn't allow one person's actions to influence how I treat another.
I realize there is ~healthy avoidance, at times.
I realize it makes things less scary, less important or pressing, and less worrisome, to speak them out loud. And more clarity, to joint problem solve.
I realize I don't treat myself as well as my puppy, by far. I would never do to her once, what I routinely do to myself.
BrownLea12
Bronze Member
I realize that sometimes I don’t like myself very much. Because I don’t, I have a hard time believing that others do.
Lionheart
Not Active
Although I have not had any bad health news lately, ...I realize that my days are numbered (as is true for everyone). I suppose growing older has brought the realization of my mortality to the forefront. I hope that I can do some good with whatever time I am allotted. I realize that it is a short life.
Teasel
VIP Member
@Tinyflame I feel so very sad that you feel so very sad. I know how desolate and even frightening it can be to be so isolated/ around others who don't express care for you. But you seem to me to be such a lovely person, I'm sure if others don't care about you it's because of their failings not yours.
And I hear you feel it must be that you're worth nothing if others don't show care, and I relate because I feel similarly so often. I think you matter, and your feelings matter. Heart hugs to you ❤
And I hear you feel it must be that you're worth nothing if others don't show care, and I relate because I feel similarly so often. I think you matter, and your feelings matter. Heart hugs to you ❤
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