I See Myself In Him

[EarthToSamantha]

Ugh. I've started this post probably about ten times today, and am still not sure how I want to word things! I'll try my best.

Two weeks ago I randomly started listening to some music from a band that is from the next state over (I'm really into like...local music type stuff, but that's besides the point.), and I ended up messaging the lead singer on Twitter and we exchanged numbers and have been texting ever since. We're just friends, nothing more at this point.

Lately I've been noticing him withdraw a lot more, and his insomnia has really been bothering him. When I try to get him to talk about what's going on, he brushes it off. I know it's only been two weeks, and I don't expect him to spill his guts, but I want to at least be there for him when he's down. I just don't know how.

I've told him the cliche things like "I'm here if you want to talk" and "If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know"...and now I'm at a loss.

The reason I'm so confused is that...I guess I've never really dealt with someone of the opposite sex dealing with depression? In the past I've always been the one considered "unstable" or the one that "has issues" in relationships/friendships. I have many female friends who have dealt with these issues and I can usually handle it, but now I'm drawing a blank.

I know it shouldn't make a difference whether my friend is male or female, but knowing that this could possibly go somewhere beyond strictly friendship in the future scares me. I wish I could tell him that I understand what he feels, but I don't wanna overwhelm him with my baggage when he's having trouble dealing with his own. I want to somehow tell him that nothing he tells me could make me run for the hills...which I'm guessing is how he feels based on the few things he has said.

Maybe I'm getting too serious about this too quickly, but I hate knowing that someone is feeling the same way I do most of the time. I would give anything to help him, or anyone else who is suffering for that matter, because this sucks and no one deserves it. Thankfully, he told me that he's going to start counseling soon, so I hope that really helps him to improve. I'm worried.

I'm not expecting anyone to give advice or even read this, I'm just trying to put my thoughts into words right now because I have no clue what to do. I'm used to people having to "deal" with me...and although it sounds awful, I don't know how to "deal" with someone else going through the same thing. :confused:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe, for now, given its all so new, that you've done all you can do? He knows he can talk to you, so maybe just be the fun "outlet" in his life where he doesn't have to deal with the depression, etc. I say just continue to build the friendship and don't take on his baggage and try not to feel a need to take it all on.

I feel the need to point out that you ARE there for him. Guys don't really like to talk about this stuff as much, nor is it necessary for the friendship.

I have more guy friends than girl friends. I LOVE that they don't talk about these issues all the time as compared to my female friends. It's just a different set of dynamics.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I would tread carefully. My ears perked up at the mention of you only "meeting" him two weeks ago on twitter. It seems a little early to be exchanging such deep emotional issues right off the bat. That could be why he's brushing it off when you bring it up - maybe he feels its pushing a boundary for him.

 

[EarthToSamantha]

Thanks for the replies, you guys. You guys bring up some really valid points, and I completely get where you're coming from. This all is just really really new for me because although I do have a bunch of guy friends, they're not like this, you know? I've always been the person to try and jump in and help right away otherwise I feel terrible. Sometimes I guess it might overwhelm people, so I've decided to back off a little, and if he feels comfortable to talk, I'll let him come to me.

I feel much better about this whole situation from reading these replies...yesterday I was so incredibly confused about everything, but your reasoning has really helped me to sort things out. Today he seemed like he is feeling better, so we kept to lighter stuff. It's much easier to talk about music anyway. :P

Thanks again! You've been SUCH a big help! :)