I Swear Shes f*cking With Me.

[Rezdawg]

All good ideas. Thank you. Unsure of just how much damge has been done to this point and is it recoverable now.

OSI called this morining. Told to wait for letter with date for first appointment (3-4 weeks from now) then after that one another will be set. Quite Cheerly she said "Hope fully by christmas we should have a plan and start some treatment" Great......

I hate seeing her this way. I hate how my kids react when we fight. The sadness in their eyes when she tells me to get out. It'd almost be better to be gone and see my kids on weekend and hopefully have them be happier.

Her family is younger than her and live in the city in small apartments. No support for her really. Mine is the whole country away. She wont leave the kids with me think's I'll get upset and mistreat them(I know i over reacted and snapped at them. ) I've never hurt them, Been frustrated and angry enough to fire them in their rooms and take a few min for me so nothing could happen.

How do I fix this much damage? She says anything even close to pointed at me and I lose it.

Everyone here is supportive and I see hope to get through this, i dont think time is on my side on this one.

Get up go to work. Come home, fight. Leave, come home, sleep, work... repeat.... seems meaningless.

 

[Rezdawg]

Was 18 when I joined. Wanted to do nothing else since I was 8. I loved it. Met her, love her. Wanted kids. Thats no life for kids though. Is this one we've given them better or worse than the other lifestyle?

I miss it everyday.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, kids are resilient. My boy saw my marriage dissolve and chose to live with me. He was my carer at the age of 9, he chose it. Some children don't get a choice.

I think the only damage that is unforgivable and unfix-able is flat out physical abuse, as in smacking her a good one in the chops or breaking her nose. For some an affair is unfix-able too.

How do I fix this much damage? She says anything even close to pointed at me and I lose it.

Your not alone. Margaret says that some days she just has to look at me wrong and I go off.

The sooner you get on the right medication and have the right therapy things will start to get better. You just have to weather the storm until then. Maybe go to a veterans organisation and have a chat to one of their counselors.

 

[combatgoldfish]

IDK if this has been mentioned or not, but hit the gym after work. Use that as an outlet. It may not completely resolve things at home but it certainly helps.

 

[tho9900]

ya agree with the above... find outlets that are HEALTHY, let her know you are doing it for her might help... (I think I am gonna join the gym to burn off this anger, I think it will help us) as far as the letter that was written maybe write two??? One to everything and everyone inside of you that makes you hurt, every name, every instance you went thru when in.. cuss them, damn them... put it in an envelope and burn it... or throw it in the trash... you just expressed things to yourself that you needed to hear, let off some steam from the pot... and identified things you need to focus on... it is too easy to let this crap take its own course... and dont be nice.. be the foul mouth soldier that you were!!!!

Then one to the woman.. remind her before you went off to war the feelings you felt, how beautiful she was, the dreams for your two lives you had... even the beautiful intimate moments you remember the most.. you dont have to tell her a THING about what you saw... but tell her now how it feels when you walk outside, how when you hear a noise in the night you are awake for HER and the young ones! Keeping your "troops" safe.. and ya thats what that is.. Again... burn or it throw it away... but you just learned something.. what you need to say to her... maybe a little piece at a time...

Right now I could choke Nichol the way she is acting.... I got my life going on... but she is absentee... but you know what? we all have our own drum to beat... and hers is taking her off the parade ground right now.. something I am learning to accept and respect...she will be back.. 5 yrs is a big investment and I know she knows how much we mean to each other.. even the little snide txts I get now and then, I know are really to let me know she hasnt blocked me off... she is letting me know she is thinking of me and letting off steam of her own....

Good luck bro... we all got your back here... and losing a good woman isnt gonna help a thing, you need to fight harder for her than you did for your mates back then... cuz right now she is the only mate you got....

 

[Squaddiedave]

Then one to the woman.. remind her before you went off to war the feelings you felt, how beautiful she was, the dreams for your two lives you had... even the beautiful intimate moments you remember the most.. you dont have to tell her a THING about what you saw... but tell her now how it feels when you walk outside, how when you hear a noise in the night you are awake for HER and the young ones! Keeping your "troops" safe.. and ya thats what that is.. Again... burn or it throw it away... but you just learned something.. what you need to say to her... maybe a little piece at a time...

Right now I could choke Nichol the way she is acting.... I got my life going on... but she is absentee... but you know what? we all have our own drum to beat... and hers is taking her off the parade ground right now.. something I am learning to accept and respect...she will be back.. 5 yrs is a big investment and I know she knows how much we mean to each other.. even the little snide txts I get now and then, I know are really to let me know she hasnt blocked me off... she is letting me know she is thinking of me and letting off steam of her own....

Tho, replace 'Nichol' with 'Hazel' and your bang on brother. Well said, very well said

 

[tho9900]

good luck Dave.... ironically I dunno... after writing this post she has been non stop chatty.... maybe she senses a change in the energy I dunno.... just taking it one txt/phone call at a time till I see her next and can squeeze the life out of that skinny neck! ;) and yes yes yes yes yes kidding!!!! Yall have heard too much about the infamous Nichol to think otherwise...

 

[Rezdawg]

Thanks guys. Finally a good day. I swear I've had one these before. Lots of talking with out trying to kill each other. Hopefully more says like this to come.

 

[tho9900]

keep on keeping on bro... go real slow k????

 

[Rezdawg]

One day atta time. I'll get there

 

[Tim Cake]

Keep on marchin' thru the mud, the blood and the beer!

 

[19DAWGS91]

Here is what I have learned about the beast and relationships. The first thing is that you can't expect to be the same person you were before you want to war. And you can't expect your other half to understand. EVER. If you are spending a lot of time repeating yourself in an effort to make your other half understand you need to realize that you are beating them down. You are pounding on them. If they don't get it and you are becoming frustrated because they don't get it you are causing damage to the relationship. This will cause you un needed anxiety which spills over onto them. The best thing to do is Take your meds if you have them. Talk to a counselor if you have one. And only say what is on your mind once. If you don't have meds for your emotional issue's and you don't have a couselor then look into both. Show them effort. This is key and will demonstrate to your other half that you are trying. This can help them to be more patient with you. This helps when the Beast jumps up and grabs ahold of you. When the beast does show itself get away from the ones you cherish so that you don't do damage. Even if it is just to take a walk.

My other half and I went through a ugly divorce after I came home. We have since got back together and these are the rules that I follow. Because I get away and I only say what is on my mind once she has responded with a more caring and understanding attitude. I put the effort in and take my meds and use my counselor as my main outlet when it comes to the beast. I don't expect myself to be perfect and because of that neither does she. My kids have even adjusted a little to.

The other thing is that there are times that you have to put yourself first. Because if you are not ok with you then how can you expect them to be ok with you. I have my issue's. Some of them are pretty sever. But I have learned to be patient with myself and to except that this is who I am now. That the Beast lives inside me and always will. We still have our issue's. The difference is that When its the Beast is causing the problem I remove myself and do something. Anything. And because I have learned to respect myself I don't take any lip. I deserve to be treated with respect because I have earned it. This is important to because you have a right to defend and stand up for yourself. This show's confidence and that you care and believe in yourslf. Very Important

19DAWG91