I Think All My Relationships Are Sick Practical Jokes.

[Miss Independent]

I know, I have trust issues. Major ones...

Whenever I begin to let people in I start to think really strange things... I've been on and off with a guy for two years now (who over time has come to learn of my situation) but every time I let him into my life again I start to think that he's making everything up and getting a good laugh out of it all with his friends. Almost like there's some kind of joke and everyone's in on it but me.

I just spent a night with him and it was amazing because for the first time in our relationship I was grounded and we had a really great time. Although now that I'm back home all I can think is that he doesn't care for me at all and he's sitting with his friends talking about how he tricked me into staying the night again and laughing at my naivety.

I've never seen any evidence to prove this and he's been nothing but supportive... I hate myself for thinking of him like this...

Has anybody else got something similar?

 

[Jen93]

I've sort of been through something like this, but I've never had a boyfriend or whatever. Mine's just with my friends.

I was bullied pretty badly in middle school; the people in there were toxic, and the "friends" were just very confusing. So now, even though I'm finished my first year of university, and I'm in another country, I can't help thinking that my friends are all laughing at me behind my back, or just being my friend because they feel sorry for me. Basically I feel, because our friendships are actually nice, I feel like I don't deserve to have friends, and so I end up isolating myself. They've been super supportive though. I opened up to them, and I told one of my friends I thought she was one of my bullies, and she was like "I'll dye my hair if you want me to! I'll keep my arms exposed at all times." It left me feeling pretty down.

Another thing is with teachers- my middle school teachers were emotionally abusive. I'm in university now, and I still have this odd feeling that I'm going to be singled out and snapped at by the professors for not paying attention or being rude, or breaking some kind of rule that I wasn't aware of. I keep forgetting that I'm an adult, and that I can't be treated that way anymore by others. I expect it, and I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells even though there's NO REASON for me to- the environment of "Follow the rules or else" is all in my head- it's NOT at university.

Needless to say, this has caused me to be extremely quiet and passive in school and with my friends. :oops:

I think it's basically "If you've never known anything else, this is what you expect." We come to expect skewed relationships, because that's the only thing we know. No matter what is done now to prove otherwise, we're still in that mode, and we're still taking precautions (isolation with friends, passivity, submissiveness and silence in class) because we're still expecting the worst- even if the people around us are the best.

 

[Miss Independent]

Thank you, I had the same school experience and share a lot of similar thoughts to you. I hope you've found good friends who are really helping you.

I have trouble communicating (because I'm convinced I'll say something wrong), so I'm a bit jealous of how you got all of that out there. :oops: That's why I'm here, I want to be able to talk about my problems and about myself without worrying about what mistakes I'm going to make.

I don't like accusing my friends, family, work colleagues or boyfriends of these things. I hate accusing people of things when it's obviously all in my own head.

I'm going to try and stop expecting the worst...this is a different time and if I do come across another false relationship then I have the friends to help me through it, I shouldn't sit here worrying about whether or not they are my friends, I should just be their friends and not worry about the consequences.

It's all pretty adventurous ! :eek:

 

[Jen93]

I have trouble communicating (because I'm convinced I'll say something wrong), so I'm a bit jealous of how you got all of that out there. :oops:

You made me laugh! I actually dissociated with that friend on Facebook- telling her to get away and that she was toxic, and then I emailed another saying "If I freak out- I'm having a really bad time, just explain to her that she looks like my friend who traumatized me."

Then in class the next day, I actually ran out backwards screaming, pointing at her as if she were a ghost. She had to calm me down. Yeah... I got all of that out there. ;)

So, try writing it instead, send it to the person you want to communicate with. That's all I can do when I feel like I'm going to have a bad day and be triggered.

They'll be really helpful, and understanding. Once you realize that contrary to your old beliefs, that not everybody is out to abuse you or just being nice for their own gain, that they're being friends with you because they actually WANT to and CARE about you, and they care during good times and bad times; I think it'll get better.

 

[Miss Independent]

I do that all the time with people, accusing them of things they haven't done and freaking out and deleting them from my life, only to come back later with apologies and excuses. It's pretty embarrassing.

I think the key to trusting my friends is to stop analyzing the situation all the time and just being a part of it. There's no point having questions and letting them take over my mind.

Or maybe I have no idea what the problem is or I wouldn't be on this forum :P

I have a mother who I think is in denial about all these issues I have, so I find it pretty hard to be nice to myself with them when she's telling me I'm being irrational.

Blargh. I'm a bit nervous, I find out if I get into college in a day!!! I just had to write that down somewhere, it had nothing to do with anything, but I'm kind of excited hahaha.

Are things becoming easier with you? Do you find your relationships are getting easier to hold on to?

 

[AzureMind]

I know, I have trust issues. Major ones...

Whenever I begin to let people in I start to think really strange things... I've been on and off with a guy for two years now (who over time has come to learn of my situation) but every time I let him into my life again I start to think that he's making everything up and getting a good laugh out of it all with his friends. Almost like there's some kind of joke and everyone's in on it but me.

Has anybody else got something similar?

Oh yea, I've got a BAD rash of trust issues too MI! HUGE! So it's cool I dig :cool: Actually my situation is identical to yours; the strange thoughts/doubts about letting people in, and ESPECIALLY about thinking that their laughing at MY expense/suffering/naivety...thinkin' that all is/will be well until I make the "Fatal Mistake" of letting someone in TOO close for them to 'back out/get cold feet' and leave, or they stab me COMPLETELY in the back; but you know what? It's what I'm feeling, and I learned from somebody SCARY wise that you gotta be cool with what your feeling; even if it's not peaches n' creamy sweet you know?

For a while (and to this day) I still feel like being alone, and I'm not forcing myself into anything that I'm not COMPLETELY ready, and the other person isn't COMPLETELY ready for. It doesn't do any good for either person if you think about it; if you've been through hell, and someone who doesn't know anything about it for lack of personal experience, it can be overwhelming for the both of you, but I'm learning that if someone is TRYING with me, and even though they may not understand every detail, but TRY to do so, then I'm at no loss, especially for being honest with someone, when I never thought I could be...so if you think about it, what do you have to loose by telling him about your being uneasy/axious about telling your life story? You're steping up and being real with him, and that's apart of taking control of your life. Nothing's funny about it, and if he's laughing and it's not to cheer you up, S***T CAN him. That simple. You've been through enough, and remember, the balls in your court. Just my 2 cents.

 

[reallydown]

Yup. Major trust issues here too...Always think there's an ulterior motive. I don't let anyone get too close.

 

[freakofnurture]

Intellectually I know that my husband has to have some kind of positive feeling about me or he wouldn't have married me. Emotionally... I have no idea why in the world he's with me. And every time he's in a bad mood I lose it because I am terrified that he just stopped liking me and that he'll start to abuse me now. Leftovers of what my f*ther did to me.

Then when he shows his feelings for me by seeking my company I feel crowded and smothered and just want to get away from him. Leftovers of how my m*ther tried to make up for her inability to throw my f*ther out.