I Tried Cutting Today

[kris]

So I thought I was doing good with all my ptsd/depression/suicidal thoughts but today I cut my self with a razor blade. Not deeply or anything, it barely drew blood but the fact that I did this scares the hell out of me. Also the fact that the cutting felt good, made me feel better for a little bit scares me even more. I am assuming that even the littlest of cutting will turn into worse cutting over time.

I can't tell my therapist about this either, he already wants me to do inpatient treatment and I think this would push him to have me admitted without me agreeing or not. As I have said before inpatient would do me good I am sure that it would be very beneficial, but I just can't do it. Besides my therapist only 2 other people even know I have issues and see a psychologist, they have no idea of my suicidal thoughts or anything and I can't tell them I just can't/don't want to. So to do inpatient is virtually impossible because how am I suppose to explain the fact I am not around to my family?

So I guess my therapist needs to get going on some good treatment plans for this little issue I am having, because he is stuck with me for now. I don't want to have these thoughts and I want to live a better active, productive, more balanced life and so far his treatment plan has not been helping in that regard.

 

[Nicolette]

OMG Kris....please tell your therapist. You can always think of something to tell others or you can simply tell them you are sick. They don't need to know more than this. You are already making excuses on how to deny what is happening and I am concerned for you. Please get help while it is easier rather than down the track if this turns into something worse.

 

[Monarch]

cutting is a very bad coping skill focus on some good coping skills. Therapists don't generally freak out about cutting because it is not a precursor to suicide. try holding an ice cube in your hand instead it is hard and hurts but isn't painful or shameful like cutting. Or use good coping skills, running is one of my ways to cope, also walking, pacing and I do this thing with my hands that helps me. Find what else can work.