I Was Okay Until...

[fuzzypenguin]

I'm still shakey from meeting with my counselor earlier today. I was doing okay, trying to calm down, do something to distract myself and something I enjoy - movies and tea. I decide I need to stretch my legs so I went down the hall to throw the trash down the chute. As soon I as I left my room, I smelled a scent I haven't smelled in years. I hate the smell. It was his smell. The smell he always had. Regardless if it's men's Shampoo or something, I thought I was done smelling it. (Yes, I know there is always that chance of somebody having the same one.) I thought I was done smelling it and flashing back. I never took out the trash. I ran back in my room and crawled back on my bed. As I'm laying here typing this out, I'm buried under my blankets in the dark. I'm so scared and vulnerable right now I don't know what to do. I'm shaking still from the flashback. I don't have anyone I can call right now and tall to about it (I have people to call, but I just can't right now). I guess this is a venting post but I still don't know how to calm down. I cant seem to ground myself but I'm aware of where I am, but my body is saying other wise. My heart is still pounding and my ''slow my breath down" breathing technique isn't helping either. I hate being scared and vulnerable and triggered, very very triggered.

 

[Jnean]

Imagine something you like, perhaps a tree in the fall time of year. Think about that tree, how does it look, is the sun shining on it, are the leaves different colors, imagine you pick up a leaf, what's it feel like, what's it smell like outside by the tree, is it a climbing tree, D you climb it and feel safe somewhere in the tree, higher than others where you can see...

 

[Biz]

@fuzzypenguin , I'm sorry. That sounds really distressing. I hope the blankets are helping.

I recently learned something new about grounding and it's been really helpful for me. When you're trying to ground/find awareness in the body and the anxiety is too high, stay out of your middle channel (chest, abdomen, etc). Maybe try choosing somewhere more distal to bring your awareness in to.

I hope you find something that helps.

 

[Jnean]

Turn on a light, sleep with a light on, what light will you turn on, where is it in your room, how will you get to the light to turn it on, will your feet touch the ground...

 

[Jnean]

You have your phone with you, do you have calming meditative music on it, what kind of music do you have on your phone, what music do you like, pick something, skip it and pick something else until you like it, dont forget to breath, play a game on your phone like words with friends something that is calming....

 

[Jnean]

I dont know if i am helping. Thank you for sharing. You can get through this. Do you like chewing gum? Do you have any to chew? If you did what would it be? Does it taste good, is it nice chewing on something, is bubble gum a good tool to use for imagining a yummy scent under your nose. I dont know, maybe. Im afraid to continue not knowing your situation. You are not alone!!! It is hard naturally. Covers are comfortable, maybe put a big comfy swestshirt on or a favorite T. It could feel nice.

 

[Friday]

Sometimes there's nothing for it but to do exactly as you're doing... Go lay down, shake it out, and get back to being centered.

The GOOD news, is that it's really really possible to lessen that particular trigger on purpose over time. Smells can hit hard. They're tied to some serious memory retrieval & physiological responses in perfectly untraumatized brains. Olfactory triggers? :wtf: But when you have the headspace & if/when you want to ...blunting & diffusing scent triggers are some of the more straightforward ones :) That's if you want to. If it's an odd/rare scent? The few times that you'll be hit with it may not even be worth it. But the control-factor is one of those lovely things; if I want to? Then yes, I can. Either way? To blunt it or not to blunt it? My choice and decision.

 

[laurainalameda]

Oh I feel you. Irish spring soap or pipe tobacco of a certain sort and I can barely stand. It helps me to go quickly to the kitchen and start smelling spices, vanilla, cinamon, curry....everything. I carry a hanker chief drenched in a light natural perfum/ essential oil I like that I can hold to my nose. It doesn't look to odd, I sniff and pretend I have a runny nose. Scents go right to our primitive brain. Hang tough. It will pass. So sorry this is happening to you.