i wish my mon could have carried on her life past where it ended, and seen her kids move into adulthood on the path she had laid out for us.
I wish my father had allowed himself to get past the grief states and reached acceptance and the ability to make choices based on the lives that moved on after moms death instead of locking us all into the grief state of bargaining for her survival with a cult and the horribly warped views of a prophet that saw our lives as wasted and doomed to suffering if we stepped outside of their narrow path of adherence.
Dad was smart, he understood complex technical ideas that were based on the evidence of things he could not see. But he based his life on things he could not see even with proof, time after time, that the promises were false and the ideas were faulty and easily questioned without any answers available.
Dad,
It was a cult your wife fell into when she was gravely ill and looking for hope to avoid an immanent death. When she died you fell prey to a conspiracy to keep us paying tithe and supporting the cults efforts by merging our family with one that had also suffered and fallen prey.
The new life you created for us was not anything your deceased wife would have accepted. The total lack of concern you showed to her memory and ideals by locking her kids into a cult she would have struggled to escape if she had somehow survived is unforgivable. The way you shut down and stopped seeking anything better than the hollow comfort you and your new wife found in the cult is inexcusable. You died in a state of disillusion with the cult, and without the love of anyone in your family besides the wife you followed into oblivion.
It takes a religion and a lot of organised effort to get people to fly airplanes into buildings. it takes a lot of mental failing to follow a cult leader into a burning death in Waco Texas. It takes a pretty skillfully manipulated desire to escape human suffering to get people to drink kool aid and die in jonestown. all they got from you was your money and estate and any life you might have had if you had escaped your grief.
I guess i was lucky to escape, it was the best thing i could do. Too bad you lived fifty years following a cult that had you beating your kids and shunning your grandkids because you were told it was your duty to punish non believers.
It turned out that shutting down your mind and following the cult didn’t end the grief, it prolonged it.
I may get past it, i didnt grieve your death a single minute. Maybe i can be done grieving mom some day. Getting past the damage you caused me and my family may take longer than the time i have left you selfish bastard.
