Relationship I Wondered As A Supporter What You Do To Support.

[Sunshine71]

Hi guys

I hope life is treating you well.

Hubby is feeling down at the moment and I wondered as a supporter what you do to support.

I am such a positive person and it all really wearing me down..... The only time I feel happy is when I am working and that doesn't seem right :O(

I never know whether he needs space or a hug however he changes so much that I dont know or even like him...... :O(

I seem to have got into a pattern of immersing myself in work... so much so that I dont even know what to do when I am not working......

Just to check in on him again now... he had the flu jab yesterday and was delirious & had a fever all through the night ..... I am shattered no sleep......

Much love to you all Sunshine xx

 

[Dallas]

I wondered as a supporter what you do to support

I take care of myself first. You have to put the oxygen mask on before you can take care of anyone else. I am transitioning between jobs right now and under huge stress. There have been MANY times over the past couple weeks when my boyfriend has wanted to have long conversations etc. and I've had to say..."I just can't talk right now, I am in meltdown mode. I need to eat and sleep. Is it ok if I talk to you tomorrow?"

I support him if he asks me to 1) take him to the doctor's. 2) pick up a prescription. 3) Come and look at his friend's cat. 4) Visit him in the hospital if he has to spend time there. 5) pick him up at the hospital and take him home. 5) do his laundry if he is tired.

The key is: "if he asks". Otherwise, I stay out of his business. I trust him that he'll tell me if he needs something. Otherwise, I just carry on about my own life. And then we have fun when we're together and both rested and functioning all 4 cylinders.:happy:

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[CrazyHorse]

The key is: "if he asks". Otherwise, I stay out of his business. I trust him that he'll tell me if he needs something. Otherwise, I just carry on about my own life. And then we have fun when we're together and both rested and functioning all 4 cylinders.:happy:

This sounds really great, Dallas :) It is wonderful that you found a rythm that works for you!

I am the complete opposite when it comes to asking. I am a sufferer myself and have recently gone into some sort of isolation and have pushed my boyfriend away.

I am in a very difficult situation. My beloved father is dying from leukemia. He has been very sick for two years, but somehow managed to survive everytime we were told this was the end for him. He is in a very bad state at the moment, and he is suffering. My sister and I, are the only ones he has to take care of him. I spend most of my time at the hospital, speaking to doctors and have to make desicions my father can't make himself.

Without going into all the detail, it is VERY hard and stressful for me and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him or ease his pain. All I can do, is watch and wait! Needless to say, this is affecting my PTSD symptoms in a very negative direction.

I would give my right arm for my boyfriend to offer me support without me having to ask. I am so broken down I don't even know what to ask for. To be offered support, out of the blue, is something I so very much long for, but never had in my life, ever! It makes me feel unloved, it makes me hard and cold inside. It makes me feel alone. It makes me hurt even more.

None of the above is meant as having anything, at all, to do with your situation!:) Just needed to let my feelings out I guess.

 

[Dallas]

My boyfriend is very upfront and vocal about his needs and feelings. Way more than I ever am or could be. I have a hard time asking for help myself. I would say that is one of my ultimate major weaknesses.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks Dallas and Crazy Horse

I try my best and feel that it isnt the right thing to do.

Hubby just called me (I am working in my office at the end of my garden and asked if I want some lunch)

He just saw me eat some lunch and cant remember it.... :O(

I try to encourage him about work and finding clients for his own business.... he said I want him to do what I want him to do.... I dont say anything and he drifts along and I have to work flat out to pay for everything....

He is so tired with trying to get better..... I am very lost with it all.... and just carry on working ....

Thank you for being there

Sunshine