I Worked Today

[Sammyiam]

Hi everyone,

I know this is going to sound small to a lot of people, but I managed to work today in my workshop.

I have just started to see a psychologist a couple of months ago and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist sent me to she her as she specialised in PTSD and dissociation . This is all very new to me as for my entire life I haven't told anyone until a few years ago when we had a family trauma, and I couldn't hold it all in anymore. My whole life turned upside down and I just couldn't cope. I really like the psychologist and I have found it the hardest thing I have done, to try and talk to her about the dissociation and things I have never talked about before, but I think it is starting to pay off as I managed to work today. It has been so long since I have worked, I have managed the odd few hours here and there but for the past year I haven't been able to do any. I was going to close up my business last night as I have been thinking about closing for the past few months, but I sat there in tears and thought am I going to let them beat me again.

Then I thought what would I have if I take that all away from me ? I would have nothing, nothing at all and they would win once more. I have had lots of help from everyone on here and it has been great. I have only taken a small step and don't know how long I will be able to do it, but it's got to be better than not taking any steps.

I think to try and fail is far better than to not try at all, that's what I kept saying to myself today. I really hope I can keep it up as I don't want to lose everything I have ever worked for just because of a four letter word (PTSD) and today I think I have decided that my fear of dying because I have been bad and I'm going to die because of something I do wrong to cause it is just as bad as dying sitting on my butt worrying about it may happen because I've done something bad.

I know you probably have no idea what I'm on about as it sounds crazy, but that's how I have been feeling lately like it is all slowly eating away at my soul and I am slowly losing my life to all of this. I am going to try my hardest at beating this if I fail in trying then I fail.

But at least I have tried .

 

[macbeth]

@Sammyiam never underestimate the power of a "small step". Every accomplishment is significant especially if it has an impact on your well being like this has. I know some of your struggle so this is HUGE!!! Well done and :hug:s my friend.

 

[littlelostchild]

Oh Sammy, I am so proud of you and excited for you! It shows how hard you are fighting this PTSD and how strong you are. Working in your shop was a massive little step toward getting back to working again with all the materials.

You did it and you won't let those buggers win - you will beat this! :hug:

 

[Ghostybear73]

That is awesome news and I am super excited for you. I see this as a huge step in your fight with PTSD! Remember this feeling so when times do get hard, you have something to hold onto.

 

[mrsps]

Sammy!! I am super super proud of you that you managed to do some work in your workshop, I am so excited for you. PTSD is a bitch but we will fight it one day at a time.
Please don't give up on your workshop you are amazing with your hands and being creative xx

 

[risingsun]

I managed to work today. It has been so long since I have worked, I have managed the odd few hours here and there but for the past year I haven't been able to do any. I was going to close up my business last night as I have been thinking about closing for the past few months, but I sat there in tears and thought am I going to let them beat me again.

Good For You. I am so so happy for you. You pushed past the "I can't" and did anyway. Your small step is actually a huge step, like dropping a pebble in a lake and seeing it have a ripple effect. All it takes is one step. I think your journey is upward and onward from here. No, you are not going to let PTSD determine your future. You determine your future. You are not going to let your history determine your destiny. You are stronger than you even realize and it seems like you are going to become even stronger from here. Warmest to You! Rising Sun.

 

[ForagingChef]

I think to try and fail is far better than to not try at all, that's what I kept saying to myself today.

Trying is a win in itself, a huge win.