Childhood If You Were Big/strong/powerful Enough To Hit Your Abuser Back, Would You Have?

[RussH]

Thanks @Mal Content :hug:

Reckon I'd have done a lot of people a favour by smothering h...

I don' think so, because then you would be dealing with the guilt, not to mention the legal consequences of that action. I do not think you would have been doing yourself a favor by killing her.

 

[RussH]

I was not physically abused, at least to the point of all of you, so my answer may be more philosophical that practical. First I would say that if the act of striking your abuser is directly related to self-defense at the time they were abusing you, that is one thing.
However if it is an act of retribution, that is another thing. Can violence solve the problem, or it is just another form or abuse? If you struck back at your abuser at a time they are not abusing you would that act be justified?
There are times that violence is justified, even necessary, but it should never be desired. Violence should always be a last resort of necessity and never by choice.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I can't see an abused 8-year-old being found guilty of murdering his/her abuser. But I suspect I'm straying off-topic... :confused:

 

[RussH]

I can't see an abused 8-year-old being found guilty of murdering his/her abuser. But I suspect I'm...

There was a case here in the U.S. about 20 years ago where two brothers, sorry don't remember the name, killed their parents because the parents were abusing them. The two brothers, both young teenagers were convicted of murder.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I think that victims of sustained child abuse have every right and every reason to desire revenge. The thought of it kept me alive more than once.

 

[RussH]

There is a difference between desire and actually taking it out. Sometimes our best revenge is surviving, then thriving in spite of them.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@RussH. Oh, I agree completely. But when I think about any one of my instances of abuse, I dearly wish I could have given some back. Even now, so many years later. The physical abuse coupled with the betrayal were too much to bear.

And when you've been weaned on violence, the picture looks a bit different...

 

[Mafia_Science]

@void @Mal Content @Abstract I live with my mom full time, I am 15 years old, and in New York state, what she is doing is technically legal. I can't do anything about it.

Section 412 of the Social Services Law and at Section 1012 of the Family Court Act states: "An 'abused child' is a child whose parent or other person legally responsible for his/her care inflicts upon the child serious physical injury, creates a substantial risk of serious physical injury, or commits an act of sex abuse against the child."

She isn't seriously physically injuring me, creating a substantial risk for it, or sexually violating me.

 

[sedna]

@void @Mal Content @Abstract I live with m...

I'm not sure you're interpreting the law and code right. I dont have NY family law book handy, but the literal interpretation doesnt exclude anything that does not fall into those sentences from being abuse.

Slapping a child across the face wont cause serious injury. It is still abuse within the eyes of the law. I think you should consider talking to a school counselor about it if you're still enrolled in school. They can handle it for you, as soon as you tell them something like that, by law they have to address it somehow. If they dont need to report it because they dont feel its serious, they may wait and just help you with it as much as they can.

Reportable abuse that would be putting your mom in the position of having to answer to someone over it, is any physical intimidation, threats of violence, mild violence ( slapping, pushing ) neglect, emotional and verbal abuse, name calling..and medical neglect, like refusing to take you to a doctor when you have a broken finger because she doesnt want to pay the bill, for example

No matter what state you live in here, if you're in school you need to start talking to the school counselor to get some records of your experience.

If you can get some phone recordings of this sort of thing slyly, then do it. It matters. There's no such thing as abuse that doesnt count, Mafia.

Wish I could kick her ass for you honestly.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Mafia_Science. I'm sorry, mafia, I thought you lived with your dad. :(

Next time she attempts to hit you, do you think you might want to get a hold on her and tell her that you're stronger than she is but you won't hurt her because you love her.... And then ask for family counseling. And then ask for a unicorn, because you're probably just as likely to get that.

 

[Abstract]

Really glad to hear Coco say all that as it didn't sound right to me that what you are describing would be legal. Some things are bad in a one off sense and other things build up and are very damaging over a period of time. In the UK there is recent legislation for emotional abuse.

You are very mature for you age. I would never have placed you as being 15. But you are 15 and you need to be helped and protected. What is happening is not OK. I hope you do approach the school counsellor.

Do you have other options when it comes to living arrangements? What is your father like and does he have any idea about your mothers behaviour?

 

[Mafia_Science]

@Abstract I can't tell people, especially the school counselor. It's just unreasonable. After the things she's done, if people found out about it, I'll definitely be taken out of the home... which is way worse than being temporarily hurt. My father doesn't hit me anymore, but he still supports my mom when she does.