Other I'm A Pretty Joke

[Deleted member 36220]

Everyone tells me how beautiful I am...but I'm alone. I have been left by many men. I have been treated like garbage after trying to give someone everything I have. The one person who made me feel happy just left for a year he's in the army .. I don't know if its in my head but I don't think he really cares about me either.
but thats not all... It's been 5 years....one day I got sick..I thought it was a cold or allergies or stress because I had lost my job and also got dumped by my boyfriend.....but it went on and on. The sickness got worse I didn't have insurance so I just went to the drug store and bought over the counter meds..it got worse and worse and after awhile I just went to the emergency room. They dismissed me as having asthma well I noticed a few days later that I haven't smelled or tasted anything in days. That was 5 years ago and I haven't smelled or tasted since. I tried everything..nasal surgery, meds, washes , everything.
I already had depression before this but let me tell you not being able to smell or taste a thing makes you feel....dead....after 30 years of smelling and tasting and then BOOM nothing. Its like I'm dead. No one listens to me because it sounds stupid to them. This topped with everything else going on in my life is CRUSHING my soul. One bad thing after another everything falling apart, I have no one. I have nothing....I feel dead. I only joined this board to stop thinking about dying...I feel like I'm gonna die of depression. Only thing anyone ever tells me is how you are too PRETTY to be so miserable you can do this do that do this..BEING PRETTY DOESN'T DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR LIFE. I wish people would understand..pretty means nothing. I'm a joke.

 

[Ka-9]

That doesn't sound very minor at all. I can't even imagine how that effects you to be robbed of that, atop other issues. But it doesn't surprise me that people might dismiss you...sadly many people are emotionally obtuse, until they encounter emotional crisis anyways.

I'm extremely glad you sought out others here, all different stories, but at the core it seems all the same issues and feelings. Warm welcome..you're in good company.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Hope you have the ability to seek out a therapist so you can see the inner beauty you have? I can only imagine how depression feels and that you get the guidance to enjoy life

 

[Deleted member 36220]

For someone to reply and understand makes me cry. I feel so alone and for you someone on the internet to understand more than people who are supposed to be family and love me it hurts. I know that sounds stupid because I mean thats why I'm here but why don't they seem to get it. I'm really low.

 

[Ka-9]

For someone to reply and understand makes me cry. I feel so alone and for you someone on the interne...

Not stupid at all, I undertsand. Hell I quit facebook because I couldn't relate to anyone there. Happy pictures of food, kids, and vacations. Here at least, I feel normal, and you never have to be afraid to say the extremes of what you feel....someone will get it.

Really knowing, you're not alone...that's worth it's weight in gold. So plese don't be afraid to share.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

For someone to reply and understand makes me cry. I feel so alone and for you someone on the interne...

As long as you don't judge me and understand my struggles I am in your corner? Is that your picture or Gabrile Union/ wade

 

[Deleted member 36220]

Yeah I thought it would be ironic I guess because everyone says how much we look alike and all I can think is I wish I was her.

 

[Deleted member 36220]

Not stupid at all, I undertsand. Hell I quit facebook because I couldn't relate to anyone there.

I quit facebook today..and I uninstalled instagram I didn't actually delete it. I feel like I want to delete myself.

 

[Friday]

Cha. The zinc in Airborne (OTC Cold & Flu remedy / preventative) has caused anosmia (inability to smell/taste) for millions. They settled a class action lawsuit for $23 million back in 2008. Zicam, meanwhile, is in the middle of another class action lawsuit over the same side effect, even though they already settled one in 2006? $10 or $15 million in that one. The zinc just bonds to receptors in some people, and finis.

Do you have PTSD in addition to stress, illness, & depression?

 

[Deleted member 36220]

Cha. The zinc in Airborne (OTC Cold & Flu remedy / preventative) has caused anosmia (inability to smell/taste) for millions...

Do you have PTSD in addition to stress, illness, & depression?

Yeah I know about that but I never used those things..it was like one day I just started sneezing and blowing my nose and it went all down hill. I even gave away my dog which was the only thing that got me out of bed some days. Its like all the depression and sadness literally broke my body down or something...and its not getting any better. I don't even know if I have ptsd honestly. : (

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I feel dead

CRUSHING my soul

Part of it, in my opnion, is dramatic self talk. Not being able to smell or taste really sucks but you arent dead. There's all sorts of disabled people in the world. Look at Helen Keller and what she did.

Stuff isnt crushing your soul, it just may really suck right now and I understand that's how it feels, and I get this was venting but self talk matters and dramatic negitive self talk isnt going to help the depression.

Ok, life sucks right now. What do you have power to control? What changes can you make to make it suck less? And then how do you deploy that in your life? Sometimes it helps to break in down into small pieces and then work with that.

BEING PRETTY DOESN'T DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR LIFE.

Sure it does but being pretty (beauty) has very little, if anything, to do with physical appearce as it does internal apperance. The most outwardy "pretty" people are very ugly inside! And your inside beauty, your personality, is what people that matter look at.

I'm alone.

My entire family has abandoned me and my father, the last of my family, is about to abandon me 3 hrs away where I will never see him again, I have no friends, I know no one...Im completely alone...so I get abandonment. But the question you have to ask, since you cant control them, is what can you do to better your life and be ok with out any one else?

Do you have a therapist or are you treating the depression?

 

[Friday]

Its like all the depression and sadness literally broke my body down or something...and its not getting any better. I don't even know if I have ptsd honestly. :

If you did, it would be from earlier trauma: child abuse, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, gang violence, rape, brutal assaults, combat, kidnap, torture, armed robbery, fatality vehicle accidents, natural disaster, EMS/fire/police, etc. Criterion A Traumas.

Common thing that happens, is one -or more- of those ^^^ happen... And you're just fine. Or mostly fine. Or it f*cked you sideways at the time but you 'got over it' and then were fine. For months/ years/ decades, even. And then one day? Something happens. Major/Minor Bad/Good doesn't really matter... And kaboom! ...You life just blows up. Or everything just starts going bad, and getting worse. And nothing that is "supposed to work" does... Because it's trying to treat the wrong thing. Aka what's happening now that brought on symptoms, instead of what happened back when, that's actually causing them. People with PTSD get misdiagnosed all the time... Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, etc... Because old trauma doesn't even come up, when meeting with therapists & doctors, as what they're focused on is how things are f*cked up now. Not a million years ago. WTF does that have to do with it??? Why would I even bring up ancient history? :wtf:

So if that sounds like you? I'd strongly suggest meeting with a trauma therapist.

There's a lot more about what PTSD is, and diagnosis, and differentials / other disorders that are like PTSD but aren't, on the homepage.