Relationship I'm Bitter And Angry It's Over

[tryintobreathe]

CC,

Wow...I am so sorry that this is happening. I have to admit though, I laughed about the AA meetings at her apartment and her being his sponsor! I understand I think some of what you are going through. I caught my husband (ex) cheating on me 6 years ago because of his cellphone. Of course he tried denying it and saying they were just friends. Good for you for standing strong and listening to your instincts.

Jen

 

[Mina]

I'm so sorry to hear this CC. You are a wonderful person who deserves to be treated as such.

 

[Clydiechick]

You must feel sick to the stomach. I will echo everyone else and say how VERY sorry I am.

I guess you had your suspicions to open the phone bill. Sounds like he's caught out good and well as he hasn't answered your messages, I'd say he is a bit stuck for words. That's a low a anybody can go, hate to say it, but I know how you feel. I know this won't help now, but I am 3 months into finding out about my husband. I have gone through a grieving process, from anger to sadness to denial. It does get a bit better, or at least your coping mechanisims do. The fact of betrayal doesn't.

Remember this is about HIM, not you. HE did this. Not you, you had NOTHING to do with it.

Please take care
Clydiechick

 

[nickfreeman]

Hi, I echo that last comment by clydiechick, it is about him, not you. I don't often post on other's threads as I feel inexperienced in this so far, as I'm constantly learning, but it has struck a chord with me after my past 2 weeks, I can relate to those feelings very well and she wasn't my wife yet. As people have said to me, you should be so proud of everything YOU have done. Regardless of PTSD, that is no way to treat someone. Kris

 

[a3a2]

CC, I am sorry, but I am glad you found out so you can get on with your life. Be angry, grieve, and then recognize how much better off you are without that kind of BS in your life. Take care of yourself!!!

 

[cynelena]

C,

I haven't had much free time to respond, but I did see your email....I know I said it already, but I have to say that I am just pissed. I hope that you can find some inner calm before tonight. You need to approach this in a very tactical way. Have your questions ready and don't cut him any slack. He has to answer anything and everything you have concern or doubt about.

He owes you no less than 100% right now. I really do wish you the very best. I am sending you all the strength and positive thoughts I can right now.

Your friend,

Cynthia

 

[Pam]

CC - I believe you said earlier that you both went together to buy a house? Please see an attorney. You MUST protect yourself and your children. That includes assets you have. Please do this first thing tomorrow morning if you haven't already. It is time to be the mother bear protecting her young. What you have yet to discover will just about knock you to the ground and keep you there. Having an attorney will help. Remember. It is all about protecting your children and yourself from here on out. Leave no stone unturned to do that. Write back and tell us how you are doing. Even if it is to just say, "Hi, I'm okay".

 

[Pam]

And. Get yourself an escape plan going right away. You should NOT let him in the house. Period. If he shows up, call a friend right away and have them come over before you let him in the house. If he calls and wants to come over, tell him you will meet him at a public place. In the day time. At the very least, let several friends know what is going on and that they are to call you every day. EVERY day! Please post.

 

[CCurry]

Thanks guys for you kinds words, I've really met some great online friends. You might be confused with Cynlena's post so let me clarify.

We did meet up, he fessed up to everything, except that he has not been physical with her, it is an emotional affair and that he loves her. He didn't have to say anymore except that his ptsd is so out of control, he's drinking non-stop everyday and that therapy is useless so he's not continuing with that. He said physically he is not attracted to her at all, she's over-weight, not a pretty face and she has kidney failure.

I couldn't help but think that the first time he spiralled out of control with ptsd he left a healthy relationship but not before becoming emotionally attached to another women who ended up being his wife. It was an unhealthy relationship and when he went into an inpatient program for his ptsd the therapist told him that he left the healthy relationship for one that was destructive. Once he finished that program and got into a healthier place we met and he told me that he felt he deserved to be in a healthy relationship again until he spirals again and gets involved with a woman who is unhealthy.....(won't tell you details about this new one but she is not healthy and lacks morals because she is engaged.

In terms of the house Pam, thank you for all of that...I called a locksmith last night got the locks changed, he's agreed to sign over the house to me and I've emailed my lawyer to quickly draw the papers. I want all of this over as quickly as possible.

The betrayal runs so deep, first because of this affair and secondly because I loyally stood by his side, paid $1000's of dollars in therapy for him and I was determined to see him to a healthier place but clearly that is not what he wanted. I can truly hold my head up high and know that I was the better person and as he was walking out the door he mentioned something about his ptsd, I interuppted him and said that I don't care about his ptsd and for the first time in 6 months I will be putting myself first.

 

[CCurry]

Now I'm being caddy, went online to her facebook page and truthfully my first thoughts were you left me for THAT!!!

Okay had to say that! LOL.

 

[anni]

He's actually saying negative things about this 'new' person to you, and that's meant to make you feel better? He just sounds slimier and slimier!

There's a thread somewhere here about people who 'use' their PTSD in various ways, and manipulation of others is a classic example. There's a book by a psychotherapist, F. Scott Peck, called "People of The Lie". My copy is dog-earred from re-reading so often. It's too long to get into here, but it was recommended to me when my life had been turned up-side-down by trying to have an honest relationship with someone who just plain wasn't an honest person.

You behaved with compassion and dignity, and now continue to do so. I was really happy to read Pam's advice, and that you'd taken action along those lines also. You sound so strong, kind and capable, that I hope the hurt you have at the moment heals for you quickly.

Please take care-this all must be so hard for you. I hope to hear you're continuing to do as well as you have been.

Anni

 

[Frankie]

Hi C,

I know the pain and hurt you are feeling right now, but good for you, in taking the necessary steps and so quickly, you will be taking your life back.....and you certainly deserve it ! In the few months I have known you, I have come to know a beautiful woman inside and out :)

Be proud and serene in the knowledge you did all you could and yes you can certainly hold your head up. PTSD is a terrible disorder and when uncontrolled can be a "living hell" for all involved. It will take time for him to get better, and in the meantime he is spiralling out of control, doing things that you couldn't have imagined.

Ok, many here will say "it is not his PTSD" I agree, to a certain extent. The pattern of when uncontrolled, leaving a healthy relationship for something else....is part of PTSD. Searching and searching for something else, is a pattern........and sometimes destructive. My exbf did the same.

This doesn't excuse the fact that he lied more times then we know, doesn't excuse the fact that he withdrew from you, doesn't excuse the fact that he is in an emotional affair.....and to be honest, emotional or physical it doesn't change the fact that he is now seeing someone else.

PTSD doesn't excuse this behavior and as carers we should understand this from the start.

Now is the time for you to heal, it will be hard, at times you will be mad at the world :) nothing easy about the end of a relationship, about forgetting the man we love, about letting go, the broken dreams....but you will be ok.

Remember what I always say...and that has helped me during my healing...."Embrace your pain, you have to go through it to get better"

You deserve to be loved by a man that will give you all you need. He maybe was that man....but for whatever reasons, he no longer is.

We are here for you C....

Ohhhhhhh the facebook lol....now that made me laugh :)

:Hug_emoticon:.....Frankie