I'm In The Middle Of A Super Trigger.

[Tinyflame]

((((((((((((( @cdg )))))))))), I hope you feel better.

I have pretty much no one left that could care less. Can't win either way. :(

Speaking only from my experience, being alone is better than severe abuse, 'challenging' is better than being alone, but getting triggered feels like a no-win situation even within good relationship dynamics. Very difficult. But I'm older, lots of varied experiences lol.

Gentle hugs from over here though. :hug: :hug: :hug: Sweet dreams xox.

 

[hangingon]

I'm sorry to hear things are difficult right now. I know you love your family and its hard. Small doses of social situations are ok. Just do what you can handle. Have a plan to get out/leave after certain amount of time. Find ways to spend short periods of time with loved ones on a one on one basis rather than large group dynamics. Thrres much less stimulus to cause triggers

 

[Tinyflame]

Very true, & wise @hangingon , I think that's so.

 

[cdg]

The last 2 days have sucked. I got into a heated argument with a family member over something important. It's one of those times where you can't avoid the stressor. I turned out to be absolutely right about the issue with undeniable (almost embarrassing evidence). The family member doesn't quite understand fully what we go through with PTSD. Heated situations cause our brains to go haywire and stay fixated for an unknown amount of time. It tipped the cup and I have had separate crying spells the last two days. Symptoms here and there. I have lingering guilt that I shouldn't have and wouldn't have if my brain were normal. It's not helping.

On top of that I had a very pleasurable dream where I was normal again. As I woke up to reality.. it gave me a split second reminder that I was debilitated. Kinda in my face. The transition usually isn't that blatant. It's amazing how cruel dreams can be with this disorder. Like they taunt you.

 

[hangingon]

That sounds like an extremely frustrating situation. I honestly know you can't avoid every situation that may cause issues. I think its going to be more about not attending every argument you're invited to; and determining ways to release the stressors of the day. Maybe that's using a heavybag or journaling or meditation. But deliberately setting aside time to reset your emotional self.
The dream can serve as a goal to work toward. No one ever reaches perfection but that doesn't mean we can't be reaching for a little better each day. And that's all we really can do, just take one day at a time

 

[cdg]

Woke up with head tension and tremors. My metabolism is cranked up. Trying to stay calm. This one is fairly intense.

 

[cdg]

Had a stressor the other day do in part to a dream. It was intense. It's made me edgy for a couple of days. This includes an intense feeling of dread that's not normal. It's motivated by the feeling that I no longer have things to look forward to compared to the past because of my dabilitated state. It's gone from the back of my mind to the forefront. Just fixating on it. Today I started to have tremors in the afternoon that built into an intense crying spell. So I have been triggered. We shall see how it goes.

 

[cdg]

Well I have been doing ok since I last posted. A total of 3 crying spells that didn't linger into the next day. I thought things might be heading in a positive direction but...

I had something frustrating happen on Thursday which caused symptoms to occur. It caused a crying spell. Then I was fine on Friday. Then I had a horrible dream on Saturday morning. The scenario caused severe pain through my body while dreaming. Intense physical fear. I felt tremors all day and it caused a crying spell. Also, fixating on the situation in the dream. Intrusive thoughts. I had another tough but not as bad dream this morning. Was depressed today. I had another crying spell. As long as I can avoid triggers while awake then I can somewhat function. But these damn dreams.. Their ruthless and strike when I least expect it. Usually when I have become comfortable. Nothing tips the cup like a bad dream. All I can do is stay as calm as possible until the symptoms run their course.

 

[cupfish]

Oooh hold on! So sorry you are going through this, again!!! Sickening disease, PTSD. So what can you do now to keep calm? Take a walk and get some exercise. If you work out get cardio going and re-oxygenate your bloodstream. Watch something silly on TV that makes you laugh. Take a bath, hydrate. Remember your brain is sending you all kinds of terrifying signals when there is no terror. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

[cdg]

Thanks to cupfish and junebug.

Today was a bit touch and go. I was fine until the late afternoon then the symptoms bubbled to the surface again. Had another crying spell. Then felt off kilter for a few hours after that. Even for a bit after my hour and 15 min excersise routine. The mid part of my forehead was tensed up. It released and that's pretty much it for now. Tomorrow is another day.

 

[cdg]

Well, here we go again. I woke up with tension in between my eyes. I was also tired. Just crabby. I started to feel disassociative. Then anxiety. Tremors started to occur. I could feel my body going into yet another crying spell. Lasted for 30 minutes. Only this time.. I'm not sure what caused it. I had been doing ok since the 28th. My dreams weren't particularly awful. I had no negative encounters. Maybe I just woke up in a really bad mood and this was the result.

 

[cupfish]

Oh Lordy that is so hard. Keep us posted, you are going through hell, please try and keep an eye out for what you are learning as you trigger.