I'm not sure how seriously to take my brain.

[Chris-duck]

So I've been thinking of suicide a lot. Not in a way where I'm planning to do it. I'm not and there's a bunch of reasons why not that I'm well aware of.

But I also have a bit of an impulsive history where I'll try shit out just to see how far I'd have to go if hypothetically I wanted to kill myself in the future. And none of it is something I'd count as attempts. But if I was hospitalised after I'd probably have a hard time convincing people of that.

I'm currently trying to get an appointment with my GP and I want to be honest but I also don't want it to sound more dramatic than it is. I'm not planning anything but I do have pretty easy access to pretty foolproof methods.

I'm not sure how to phrase this in a way that gets my point across that I'm both concerned about my thoughts. But also that I'm not really a risk to myself.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think I'd just say to your GP that you're struggling with depression issues and would like a referral to a psychiatrist and/or therapist. (Psychiatrist if you want meds, therapist if you want therapy.)

This type of symptom is very much out of their league. You might have a GP who is heavy handed and wants to hospitalize you, whereas with a therapist or psychiatrist, as long as you can do a safety contract, there is no need for hospitalization.

 

[Chris-duck]

I'm on a (so far five month) waiting list for therapy. So I could probably ask for that to get sped up. But usually depression wouldn't get people referred on, it probably would get me referred on cos of my history etc, but I guess I dunno where a line is.

I could totally do a safety contract. Like I'm not going to do shit, but nhs waiting lists are a bastard.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Hey Chris,

What you describe is exactly the "line" that Dr's look out for... Is someone "just" struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings?
Or is someone making suicide plans/ taking action?

It's absolutely possible to verbalise very clearly that it's the former and to get good support for that, without them saying "Oh it must be the latter" and trying to take action.

The legal barriers for assuming it might be the latter have been raised a lot the past couple of decades. The legal hurdles for someone to claim that you're an acute danger to yourself and hence should be hospitalised against your will are pretty high these days.

Sorry you're struggling with this :hug:

 

[Chris-duck]

I think the issue is I don't really understand the suicide plan line. I know exactly how I'd do it and have access to that and it'd work. But I don't plan on doing it.

Like it's worked okay so far. Because I do manage to get it across pretty okay. But I'm worried one day someone won't believe me and things will f*ck up.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

You'll be fine. Just explain it really clearly. Talk them through it like they're a child, if they get confused.

Is there someone on your support network you could tell? Your trauma T friend? So that ***if*** some mental health professional were to get it totally muddled, you could say to them "Here, call this person (trauma t friend) she'll explain it to you in a serious tone of voice, so you GET IT"

?

 

[Chris-duck]

I really don't want my friends involved tbh. I don't want them worried or feeling responsible for my shit.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Yeah. I get it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh sorry I didn’t know you were in the Uk. Please disregard my reply.

 

[Chris-duck]

@EveHarrington no you're totally fine. I imagine the legal stuff is pretty similar. It's just we kinda seem to have less say about where we get referred to/our waiting lists are a pure shitshow. I appreciate you replying.

 

[shimmerz]

I would absolutely not let on that I had the means to do so but just chose not to. I don't think that would wash well. That, to dr's around here would mean that you had given it enough thought that it was a plan. No idea how that would be in the UK. I am in Canada.

 

[Freida]

I'm not planning anything but I do have pretty easy access to pretty foolproof methods.

I've said this ^^^ to my Ts and my doc almost word for word and so far it has led to more conversations instead of "Holy crap shes gonna do it" reactions

the follow up question each time has been "are you going to hurt yourself now or in the near future?" I say no and then we talk about what is causing me to think like that. My regular doc added an antidepressant when i told her and asked some more detailed questions about what kind of plans I had.

Talking with them made me see that for me planning it out was a safety mechanism (yea, that's how ass backwards I am.) It gave me a sense of control --- I could hold on because I knew what my options were and didn't want to use them.

The one time I was actively suicidal was very much spontaneous --- it hit with very little warning and there was no plan --- just a response. Luckily I called bestie to say goodby, who called hubby who got me on the phone with crisis until I settled down.