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I'm not sure how seriously to take my brain.

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Kay... so you know your situation best - with the good stuff and the difficult stuff - and you know what would be the most low-fuss options for getting support... What do you think we should advise you to do?
 
It's just not their responsibility.
actually it is. That's what friendship is about -- having each others backs when they are needing help.
If you had cancer would you say "oh I'm not going to tell anyone because I'm a burden" Or would you let them help you? And if the answer is no -- why not? Is it pride?: (Yea, I got nailed with that one :) )
Or you truly don't want to bother them? Or you think they can't help so why ask?

There's no right answer to that -- just it's things to think about. I'm really proud of you for coming here and talking about it --- and you get support yes? So you would get the same thing in real life. As for the doc -- if it gets bad enough to be hospitilized so be it. Go. Maybe it work, maybe you don't feel better -- but you will be safe. And that 's the big thing.
 
Sorry, I know I'm being a pure pain in the arse. N I dunno. Like everyone's suggestions make sense and are what I'd tell other people to do. I'll need to tell my friend some version of this later even if I downplay it a bit. And I'll call GP tomorrow so even if they can't do shit they can tell me who else to go to.

And hah, i actually hide physical illnesses from my friends too so yeh ?, it's not purely a mental illness thing. And probably a combination of a million stupid reasons. I don't want to bother them, I don't want them to bother me ?, I can handle my own crap thankyouverymuch, plus I'm a massive control freak.

And yeah I guess.
 
I think the issue is I don't really understand the suicide plan line. I know exactly how I'd do it and have access to that and it'd work. But I don't plan on doing it.

Like it's worked okay so far. Because I do manage to get it across pretty okay. But I'm worried one day someone won't believe me and things will f*ck up.

Once you cross that line, you won't be unsure that you've crossed it, you'll know, because it's a plan.

I have impulsive and intrusive suicidal thoughts like in harm OCD. That's before the plan line, even though in my head I can see the whole thing and rationally understand how to access it all in real life, and have thought about it.

Later I started feeling like killing myself is just something I will inevitably do, but I'm waiting until after certain family members die to do it. That's a plan. If those family members were currently somehow close to death, I would need to be hospitalized immediately after, and my t would be making plans with me.

My t never brings up the hospital though because those fams aren't likely to die soon. She only asks if I feel like I might carry anything out, and also asks if I feel capable of telling the truth about that.

So, just be honest and clear, and no hospital. Provided GP as some kind of awareness, which, idk, maybe he doesn't.

Good luck!
 
Thanks guys. I see a different GP each time but I think they've all been okay, I can't remember all the conversations I've had with them but I've never been hospitalised from any of them so ?

I've (always? For a long time?) thought I'd inevitably kill my self at some point. But i think it should have already happened so I guess I'm not not really arsed enough to be in a rush about it right now. There's shit I'd have to do first if I wanna not be a total dick and I'm not particularly interested in dying right now. It's just there. And it's annoying.

And right @Freida who knew we were meant to tell people we care about what's happening with us?! :P

I'm just killing an hour til I phone. Bleh.
 
I've (always? For a long time?) thought I'd inevitably kill my self at some point.

Yeah... Ever since I made it to about 35 (I'm 40 now) I've been celebrating each birthday as "Wow, you're still alive Sophy"... I was always sure I'd not reach this age, cos of suicide. Every birthday I'm seriously impressed that I can add another year to my list and still counting. :tup:
 
Yeah. I'm 29 n just feel like this is extra time. Like my death is meant to already have happened. Which probably isn't normal for someone my (or your!) age.

But yeah. I went. They're speeding up therapy and gave me drugs for sleep. It went pretty badly tbh ? Like I was honest which was good, but my usual filter that stops me being overly blunt (or just a dick) had clearly gone on holiday for the day.
 
Well done well done. I guess messy is better than not at all. Hope it all starts helping.

Then you get to my situation where I expected to die the whole way through and am now face impendingly getting old. ? How did that happen. And its frightened the life out of me. Never contemplated any of it cos didn't think would last that long.

I have felt it should have finished already almost the whole way through.

Good luck. Sleep v NB.
 
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