Relationship Im So Confused And Hurt

[Hollow_Jack]

My partner went through a lot of stuff from an early age. He has no good coping mechanisms for his ptsd. We've been together for over a year in the last 3 months he's been reaching out to other females online and speaking to them how he used to talk to me. He completely shut me out and when I found a conversation he was having with a girl I contacted her to let her know who I was. Now he paints me as the villain to everyone and twists the truth. The next day he says he wants a break but wants to get counselling separately and then together. He ended up kissing a coworker a few days after that even though we agreed to take a break but weren't going to pursue other people. He still sleeps in our bed with me still talks about future events and making plans. I'm so confused and I feel like I've had everything ripped out from under me and then a sliver of hope dangling in front of me. He has been in my home with myself and my kids for over a year. I guess I'm confused is it common to destroy someone who's done everything to help you get the help you wanted the life you said you wanted just to make them feel the same things you have. Being destroyed emotionally mentally and physically through your life just so someone else feels it.
It's triggered a lot of anxiety attacks for me spiraled down into a deep depression and I'm now functioning on auto pilot. I'm going to my counselling session and I've had to increase them recently. I guess I just don't know or understand and wonder if anyone else has gone through anything like this. I just feel so broken I've tried to do everything I could just be support hold him through the night terrors. Any thoughts are welcome.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Well, it sounds like matters need to be clarified. To me it seems this person may not be honest with himself, he wants the cake and eat it too. If he openly communicates with others while showing personal intentions towards other people, but does not want to clear relationship matters up with you as his partner then this would be an obvious danger to you.

Ask if he is interested in relationship counseling. If a partner is not interested in counseling to get a clear understanding of a relationship then that person is either in denial or simply chooses to be unfaithful. At any rate any partner that would choose to not get any kind of counseling about the relationship problems would have to leave.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Devastatedginger I am sorry you are hurting and glad you're going to counseling.

This may sound cold hearted but it is how I feel. I don't care if your partner has PTSD, that does not give him the right to treat you and use you that way.

Agree totally with @Freedomfighter

 

[boodle]

I really feel for you @Devastatedginger
Its quite possible that PTSD is not the only issue that your partner has. It could be co-morbid with another issue, or it could be just plain bad behaviour. From my own experience my ex had Cptsd, but that did not explain the abuse, blaming, the compulsive lying etc. It was so bad it was clear there was either some other disorder not diagnosed, or another disorder diagnosed but I wasn't told about.

 

[Hollow_Jack]

I just wish and hope he can really be open with this new counselor and whether or not he decides to deal with his issues and behavior I just hope he can process it.

I really feel for you... Its quite possible that PTSD is not the only...

There's also a very abusive mother and he was the unwanted child and abused badly. So I don't knowing he does it because he never had love of his mother so he seeks it out in whoever he can. But he destroys people when he does this...

Well, it sounds like matters need to be clarified. To me it seems this person may not be honest...

We agreed to get counselling separately as I need a different regime of medication for my problems and then together for couples counseling. I think it's a step in a good direction even if it's an ending. It's better to figure it out.

 

[boodle]

There's also a very abusive mother and he was the unwanted child and abused badly. So I don't...

Yes, very similar childhood to my ex. The frustrating thing is that they end up sabotaging the chance of love that they wanted.