I can't do it anymore. I can't fight anymore alone. I don't belong here and others deserve their wo...
I was really upset last night. I totally shouldn't have posted that. It could be triggering or upse...
Please don't beat yourself up; in my past life others perfected that position against me and now it is time for me to try only try to not beat the living hell out of myself. Posting your feelings and where you are at the moment is always good and you help others here (me included) to reflect on our own lives and present circumstance/condition, Please, please drinking while/when dealing with depression is a recipe for complete disaster. This time you came through, next time may not be so fortunate after drinking while you are trying so hard to come to grips with the reality of your past and to try and deal with your trauma issues
@lonelyone82.
Alcohol and depression - well, that's a loaded gun pointed right at my head; I speak from painful experience of drinking to numb myself from the horrific pain and then cutting myself so badly and ending up in psych. hospital (had to pay several hundred dollars for apt. front door after paramedics/fire rescue knocked my door down to get to me passed out, cut all up, and pot, valiums trying to escape my pain). I am not against drinking. I am simply sharing lonelyone82 that my former (past) experience of drinking while in depression well I almost completed suicide attempt. And after reading your post you wrote while drinking, it took me back to the times when I not only used alcohol, valiums, and even smoking weed to numb me and to unsuccessfully try to stop the excruciating pain which only made all that was just beneath surface hidden so much worse. I was not in recovery then, I did not even know that I had anything to recover from due to my brain's ability to so rapidly in and out dissociate from my most all of my hellish past and some of my recent hellish past, as well.
I am grateful for your post while you were drinking lonelyone82 (not for your drinking while you are depressed - distinction vs. extinction - for you reminded me that I even with the hell I am currently finally now trying to deal with in EMDR Therapy - that without food, excess spending, sex, alcohol, drugs (weed, valium, etc.) I am learning to try to find an ounce of gratitude to be breathing and vertical rather than forever horizontal on the other side after drinking during extreme depression . Only when you are willing please continue to post your thoughts, issues, feelings and I hope you will use caution re: drinking while you are dealing with depression and past painful issues
@lonelyone82 . So many caring people have answered you here in this forum's thread, and we all care about you, and you must try one day at a time, one second at a time if need be to not give up and not give in and learn as I am learning in this forum and through EMDR Therapy that I do not have to make those who hurt me the focus of my life anymore. And I want so much to try to learn to live for me today; and not give those who so nearly perfectly tried to destroy my core being (me) any more power and no more control over me than the trigger, the flash, and then me Jade - telling these intrusive thoughts to leave me alone as I try to grow in recovery. hugs and more and more hugs
@lonelyone82
