Sexual Assault Incest- How I Hate That Word

[Notsowild]

Just writing THAT word makes me sick to my stomach. I am an in##st survivor. I least I think I survived. I know I'm here in the world but it feels like I'm in a fog (derealisation)

Anyways that word is so disgusting to me. A father raping this daughter, that's just so inhuman, so sick and so embarrassing. I was raped for 12 years from the age of 5 by my father. How does one ever get over this?

 

[ghotiff]

I hate the word 'rape'....it triggers me instantly.

I wish I had something magical and healing to say to you .... and then once your were all healed, I'd ask If you would be so kind as to say it back to me.

 

[xena21]

I hate that word too. I don't know how to make it sound any better. Either rape or incest sounds horrible, but incest just sounds more disgusting to me for some reason. I don't really know why it just sends shivers up my spine. I mean both happened to me but "incest" is the word that really makes me have flashbacks.

I also was raped by family members, my grandfather from the time I was a toddler til I was 11 and my cousin form 8 to 9 years old. It makes you a different person in the world I think. I don't know myself how to get over it, but I can say I relate to what you are saying. I hope you feel some hopefulness in the future, as do I for myself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am a incest survivor from my father, but I blocked it all out and have amnesia. I am a rape survivor too. I too hate the words. They make feel sick to my stomach.

I am at the point in life where I layed all of my ghosts back in the past where they belong. But at first so many years ago, I was devastated by those words.

I would hear people say it happened to them and I would thank God that it did not happen to me. But it shook every part of me out of me and there was nothing left.

Little did I know that I was on my way to become a real person, many, many years later on.

I have been in therapy for most of my life. I go back for tuneups when I need to. I am still seeing a psychiatrist every six months now. EMDR saved my life and changed it for the better.

I send you healing energy for where you are right now. You were very brave to post this one. Hugs.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @gizmo... It was a hard thread to write. It is such a disgusting thing. I still feel so dirty. Like my thread "I have a sign on the face". I feel like everyone can tell. Yes I know it's not my fault but it has/ had such a big impact on me. It is still with my today. I can never get over it.

EMDR scare me a lot because I have a lot of repressed memories. How was it for you?

 

[Notsowild]

@xena... I think THAT word is more disgusting because it is a family member. The ones that should have loved and protected you. I don't know how you get over it either. I spent many years in therapy and now I'm back because of my latest trauma. I don't think of it everyday but its definetly part of me that will never go away.

 

[Notsowild]

@ghotiff ... Magical fairy dust like Tinkerbell. Oh how I wish I had a normal childhood like Peter Pan and Wendy. Life is cruel. Thanks for your reply. Good healing in your journey

 

[Lucycat]

I was sexually abused - although not raped- by my father.

It was not until I started therapy very, very many years later that I was told that incest means any sexual contact between family members. I had mistakenly believed that it meant consensual sexual activity between siblings. I don't like to consider myself a victim of incest because I never realised there was a 'victim'.

To me, because of my ignorance, it feels like calling it incest means that I wanted it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I did some research on EMDR and I asked for help on the forum. I think I was ready for it because it went so fast and my life has changed for the better.

I have been able to reframe the memories, placing all of the blame and shame back onto them. The memories no longer haunt me.

Not everyone has a good experience with it. I would ask you if you feel ready for it because after a session, emotions come up and it feels pretty lousy.

I was terrified to do it because I have had so many multiple traumas. I wish you the best.

 

[Deleted member 26920]

@Lucycat I understand completely.

 

[Deleted member 26920]

I was raped for 12 years from the age of 5 by my father. How does one ever get over this?

I know. When someone, no matter how well meaning, attempts to brighten my negativity by saying things like "it'll get better!" I feel empty. I wish this would get better, but the fact of the matter is, for me at least, is that it probably won't. This will be a daily struggle for the rest of my life.