DID Information gathering/understanding d.i.d.

[Kieran]

Hi guys,

I'm a bit conflicted and would like some opinions.

I see my therapist weekly and we've discussed my dissociation episodes where I used to go by different names and act differently.

Here's where things get confusing. Initially, I told my therapist that I started remembering my abuse last year, although now, I'm not sure.

In 2013, I was in college. I'm not anymore, of course, but here's the point. On my papers, there are different names written for my name. Even my professor wrote notes to me, using that name. There were two distinct personalities that were brought to my attention and two names. One of those names were written on a term paper in 2013. The strange part is, I don't remember much from that year, it all seems fuzzy to me. I remember the professor whose class I took, which is whose notes I recently came across.

So I guess my question is, what can this all mean? Not five months ago, I'd dissociate thinking I was my abuser, but that has stopped and to my knowledge, doesn't happen anymore. But now that I know that I dissociated essentially two years before I consciously started remembering my abuse, it makes me curious.

Any ideas or feedback would greatly be appreciated.

 

[Sideways]

Okay, so dissociating and thinking that you're actually your abuser is scary, but also common enough that they've given it a name: the "introject" is a personality part that believes it is actually the person's abuser.

That allne would indicate that there's DID going on, but it's definitely not something to freak out about. To the contrary, it sounds like your parts have been taking care of your for some years, even doing college exams for you.

Can you speak more to your T about this? Oftentimes a T won't diagnose DID until they've witnessed a switch firsthand, but that doesn't mean that you can't start learning about how to manage the dissociation (usually grounding skills are the go-to) and even starting to get to know some of your parts.

Have you tried having an internal conversation with the part that did the college paper? Maybe try and thank them for helping you out as a way of letting them know that you'd genuinely like to get to know them?

 

[Kieran]

Okay, so dissociating and thinking that you're actually your abuser is scary, but also common en...

I went to a DID specialist a while back and they actually say they don't have to witness anything firsthand, though. They list a bunch of symptoms and you must have have x of x to be diagnosed with it, as well as some sensory and medical questions. It took about two weeks, two hour sessions, three times a week to get diagnosed with it. She also suggested to never have internal conversations with your inner parts, as that can actually heighten symptoms. Several specialists have told me it's very unhealthy and dangerous to do so, in the sense of the symptoms being prolonged.

However, it's important for me to log everything, if I'm ever co-conscious. I have not yet talked to my current T, but will next week, to see what she says.

 

[Sideways]

It's true hat internal conversations, at the outset, will often result in some parts acting out. That's common, and for me, it was disastrous for a while - I referto that time as my World War DID! So I'd recommend not doing it without a therapist.

There are plenty of specialists out there that recommend not going down the internal dialogue track for that reason. It can make things much worse for a while. But I think that you'll find that most people who have had some success with integration will tell you hat some sort of communication is ultimately necessary.

A friend of mine that wasn't ready for internal dialogue started wii individual journals for each parts.