Inner Critic: What Does That Mean To You?

[just me here]

Iam, why would I possibly mind if you want to work with the idea of the "gavel banger"?

I have always been told that awareness was the biggest step in getting past a bad habit, I am trying to get past the habit of allowing so many critics to sabotage my inner critic. Having an imaginary third party in my head to help point out the times when my inner critic is just regurgitating old outdated criticisms or worse, non constructive criticism put there by someone I wouldn't let walk a dog let alone run my life, is a big help.

one day at a time, old habits die hard. It is easier when you are aware and have a plan.

 

[Iam]

Yes it is Just Me and it sounds like you are doing pretty good.

Strangers sounding off at me doesn't bother me....I always tell myself "Who knows what is going on in their life." When it comes to someone who knows me, then that inner critic can go wild with accusations of how bad I am. Like you said, recognizing and being aware of what is happening is half the battle, the rest is talking back to it! Good work Just Me

 

[just me here]

thanks, but it isn't going to be easy and I havent done a thing yet but become aware of the problem. In fact, analysing all of the inner criticism is no real joy, my mood is bad and I am losing sleep, missed some work from illness last week and I am withdrawing into a world of disociation and "emotional flashbacks".

but I am headed in a new direction, even if it is down at first.

 

[Iam]

It's hard at first Just Me. I was pretty much paralyzed by it all for a time. Couldn't work, no sleep, horribly depressed, and I completely isolated myself. I still suffer from depression, always will have to battle that I guess, but I am sleeping well again and the flashbacks have been minimal until just the last few days, but that is from going into some new territory with EMDR. I am more relaxed about that this time though because I now know from experience that it will get easier again.

Anyway, saying all that just to encourage you, though I must admit you don't sound like you need it. You are very determined, that in itself will help you through! ;) Wish we still had that clapping icon...

 

[Fireball]

Hi just me here,

to have a third party is a very good idea. I have so many inner parties who have to discuss the day, the things "we" do, the decisions "we" make and so on. I think it would be a good idea to imagine an inner table where "everybody" has his/her place and where "we" discuss everything. And after that every party has to stick to the rules "we" decided together. For the inner critic it means that she will be heard, but has not the casting vote. Perhaps it is a way for me to have more inner peace?!?

Fireball

 

[mamachick]

There are so many good comments here. As someone else mentioned the internal family system and how all the parts are there to protect us, I do agree. We all need that critic (for when we are really screwing up) but our critic is unreasonable and most are in agreement that the critic is lowering self esteem and confidence. When I send the caretaker in to approach my thoughts or dispute the critic, its with compassion. What works for one, may not for someone else and I have had to explore my creativity to find solutions. (we may know the critic is wrong intellectually but we may not get it in the heart). Ive always had pictures of my children framed and all over the house as most of us do. I framed a couple of my childhood pictures (when abuse was occurring) and kept them handy. When that critic begins that unhealthy dialogue, I could look at that picture of that little girl that needs some compassion and guidance, not a critic. The caretaker (healthy parent) is able to guide, coach, encourage, nurture, etc which has led to healthier self esteem. We are all worthwhile, lovable, deserving of peace happiness. I am open to criticism but have no room for that voice of criticism from the past that is sabatoging. When the inner critic was active, going out into the world and having interaction was frightening since the critic will point out anything less than perfection. After having a compassionate dialogue with this little girl (its harder to be critical while looking at the picture), the automatic response shifted from critic to compassion after a while. Now when I find myself needing that compassion, I have an almost automatic visualization of a particular picture, and with that, Im able to be compassionate with myself and with others. Since a trauma two years ago when I relapsed severely, I am utilizing these resources again. My inner critic is within and it is purposeful. It keeps me from loosing my temper in traffic or being rude to the incompetent grocery clerk, if I did, the inner critic will be the first on the scene to set me straight.

 

[just me here]

This last post by brat17 touches on something I have been thinking about alot lately. There is a huge gap between the actual events that happened to us early in life and the effects they have upon us at the current time. In my case there is a 35 year gap, yet I am finding that many of the negative inputs from outside critics that were placed in the head of the 14 year old have had an effect that is still strong in the mind of the 49 year old inner critic.

See if this makes any sense:

There is a model of how our memory works that intrigues me. There is a school of thought that says our memories are like files in a computer in that they are altered every time we remember them. It is like a word program that asks you if you want to save changes everytime you close a file and you think "what changes?" and close it wondering what the changes were when all you did was read it, maybe you read a few pages, maybe you zoomed in or scrolled or something and microsoft wants to save the file in a new way so you say yes or no and close it.

Word saves that program for you and if you look at the properties a year from now, it shows that it was last altered on the date you read it and saved it.

In human terms, we recall these events that happened to us and save the files with changes. Even if we didn't delete a few details, even if we didn't recall a few lost nuances, we save the files as 16 year olds, later as 20 somethings, again as thirty plusers, mid-lifers and on and on.

And as we get older, we gain life experience and give ourselves credit for being wiser and wiser as we move along. The problem here is that we also give the value of the information in a file the same credit because it has been reviewed by ever older, ever wiser versions of ourselves along the way. Last altered three days ago? That seems pretty current, must be reliable information, right? We all know it is not. I guess I have never really thought about how bad the files were until I was diagnosed and started looking hard at my inner critic.

This kind of explains the gap between the kid in the picture that brat17 is talking to and the current version of the memories she has of that past that are stored in the mind of the older and wiser version of brat17.

And it explains the differance between my current inner critic repeating words at me and the recording of those words some 35 years ago.

Maybe, just maybe, I can start to realise that alot of what I remember is coming from badly corrupted files. What I think of as current information is really very antiquated stuff that has been opened and resaved so many times that it no longer reflects the reality of what was originally stored and especially the circumstances and life experiences of the original recorder of the information, the 14 year old version of the 49 year old me.

So thats what "inner critic" is starting to meen to me. Thanks everyone, I am so glad I asked this question here, I think I have moved along a ton or so, at least an octave or two. Something. Awareness maybe.

 

[mamachick]

Last post on inner critic by "just me here"- That is an awesome analogy. Im a bit computer illiterate but get this. I have gained so much by reading others thoughts on this topic and how they deal with this critic. I use to work in a field where I helped others with issues such as the inner critic. If I ever return to that field, which I find unlikely at this very moment, I have new ways of reaching/ explaining, how that inner critic functions. Thank to all

 

[Gcat]

Thank you to everyone for this forum on the Inner Critic. Of all the forums I've read, this is one of the most helpful. I also imagine one starts with a "schema" of how they view or make sense of the world. A trauma comes along and doesn't match the existing schema- you go, "HUH?!" Then you are left juggling the pieces of the old schema...over time some parts are discarded or transformed- you are tempted to bo back to the familiar old parts, but it doesn't work or it's too painful. You're nudged in new directions, and a new schema is created. The "result" feels weird at first, but it serves you better in the long run.

 

[Iam]

T I also imagine one starts with a "schema" of how they view or make sense of the world. A trauma comes along and doesn't match the existing schema- you go, "HUH?!" Then you are left juggling the pieces of the old schema...over time some parts are discarded or transformed- you are tempted to bo back to the familiar old parts, but it doesn't work or it's too painful. You're nudged in new directions, and a new schema is created. The "result" feels weird at first, but it serves you better in the long run.

I agree Gcat. I am finding it hard to develop the new schema. It is so hard to let go of or transform some old beliefs. Seems the new needs to be re-enforced time and again before it can take hold.

 

[seedling]

My T told me part of therapy is to help me integrate the trauma into my personality. So, I think "Great, I'm having a personality integration." Can't I just be put under and be woken up after it's over? Oh well....

I like the computer files analogy and the new schema. I find that I end up thinking about things from the past (like re-opening the files one more time) and come up with new conclusions and insights - time to save it with the most recent changes.

I find the inner critic to be quite loud and painful so I like it when I come up with new ideas about the way I am and how I've understood my life in the past. The new insights are like the reward for battling all the crap that comes with everything falling to pieces in confusion.

 

[Gcat]

I looked up "schema" on Wikipedia and found some interesting concepts:

A schema in psychology and cognitive science, describes any of several concepts including:
An organized pattern of thought or behavior. A structured cluster of pre-conceived ideas. A mental structure that represents some aspect of the world. A specific knowledge structure or cognitive representation of the self.
A mental framework centering on a specific theme, that helps us to organize social information. Structures that organize our knowledge and assumptions about something and are used for interpreting and processing information. Schemata influence our attention, as we are more likely to notice things that fit into our schema. If something contradicts our schema, it may be encoded or interpreted as an exception or as unique. Thus, schemata are prone to distortion. They influence what we look for in a situation. They have a tendency to remain unchanged, even in the face of contradictory information. We are inclined to place people who do not fit our schema in a "special" or "different" category, rather than to consider the possibility that our schema may be faulty. As a result of schemata, we might act in such a way that actually causes our expectations to come true.

Conceptual things such as schema and metaphors have helped me move along with repairing myself. I do think we have some assumptions and perceptions about the world that get altered due to trauma. For example, as a child I naturally assumed I would be safe and taken care of...My Dad would always be there (parents divorced). My older brother would always be there (d. 2002). If I got a doctorate I would be successful (I got one, not entirely "successful"). I thought my best friends would stick around (they moved for various reasons). I thought I'd be married or partnered and living in a house. If I moved, I could start anew. I never expected I would get PTSD. It made it harder to be flexible and relax and "go with the flow". However I saw the world was constructed on many assumptions and desires- most natural ones. When part of the schema got knocked out, I would do my best to reconstruct it- I had to stand on something! When more sh*t happens, I'm once again required again to build something else. You think your inner machinery is faulty, but the outside world and events and people play(ed) a role. Where does your inner and outer schema fit now? How do you "figure it out" now? And do it while society pressures you to? Man....I was operating on another manual that was working fine! What's the name of that game I played as a kid- it's all wood, and you put colored sticks into small wooden wheels the size of a quarter? An erector set? That's what I envision it's like. The files are another great analogy. -Gcat