General Is Healthy Two-Way Communication Possible?

[Shoka]

Things Can Improve

Hi SpecialK,

I have seen how with proper treatment and both partners working at it, things can improve in a relationship between a sufferer and a carer. Not only that, but after everything we've been through, it has deepened our sense of closeness.

Don't misunderstand, things are still challenging, but I have learned a lot and taken responsibility for my choices and behaviors. This forum has really been a key to my learning.

Hang in there,

Shoka

 

[peachykehn]

Hi Shoka! I am a newbie here and as a wife of a sufferer I really understand what you are saying in this message and I often times feel EXACTLY the same, there are times we just NEED TO TALK.

I think my ongoing frustration with my husband is that, sure he has PTSD and sure he is hurting and can't talk about it NOW but what happens when there is NEVER a good time to discuss it?

It seems no matter what the mood, or the need, when I need to have my turn to express something or share or discuss some issue, it NEVER works out. No matter what tools I use, nor how many "time outs" we take, or how many days go by, it ends badly.

No resolution makes quite a pile of crap to decipher!

Thanks for sharing, I cannot say how in my short time here, how great it is to hear and read and know that I am NOT CRAZY!

 

[Shoka]

Hi PeachyKehn,

You are not crazy. The reality of the situation is VERY difficult.

It seems no matter what the mood, or the need, when I need to have my turn to express something or share or discuss some issue, it NEVER works out.

Boy can I relate to this.

I've been struggling with how to let go of resentment that naturally builds up when you can't ever be the one that is supported. What I'm learning is that when I am so focused on caring for HIM-HIM-HIM all the time and I don't leave room for my needs and my emotions, that resentment is likely to build up.

This forum has been a GODSEND from a support network perspective.

My personality as such has always leaned towards being a "caretaker". I've worked very hard in therapy and other ways not to allow my caretaking to become toxic and to remember that one of the people I must take care of first is ME. I don't mean that in a selfish way, I mean it in a sense of self efficacy and self responsibility. I've become pretty independent, but it's still hard to learn what true self care is all about.

Self care includes being sure that some of my needs are getting met in my significant relationship even if my partner has PTSD. Trust me, I'm still trying to figure this one out, and still be a considerate "Carer" at the same time. I've said it in other posts, if he weren't trying to hard in therapy, and using healthy coping skills, I would have needed to leave the relationship. I've seen progress and improvement and a real desire on his part to recover. I choose not to leave him because of this and because he does show me the love and affection I need. I choose to stay because he has begun to take responsibility for his actions. When I started on this forum, it was not that way, and I was desperate. Things are better, but not perfect.

Hang in there Peachykehn:rolleyes: