Is It Because Of Ptsd?

[PreciousChild]

Hi all, I'm a real newbie here and am struggling to gain insight about my relationship status. I have always hidden behind the label of "independent" to describe my lack of ability to have a real relationship. But I'm realizing that it might be caused by all the trauma I experienced as a child (my parents were abusive/neglectful). I was married once (now divorced), but to someone who I didn't really respect nor love. That's the only kind of man I thought I deserved.

I know my health insurance is not going to cover a trauma counselor, so I'm just trying to gain insights in other ways for now.

I'm a single mother, so I'm limited in time and energy, so that's a part of it. Also, most of the dating I've done post-divorce has been through online dating, which has been not a great experience (I've stopped that for now). Most people online are multiple daters, and that feeds into my insecurity that I'm not good enough. I'll date someone a few times, and then I'll begin to question their motives and intentions. I usually conclude that they aren't up to any good, and move on. I usually break up over email, which is pretty cold. Usually, I won't complain or say anything, but I'll get mad about something that happens and by then it's too late.

Thanks for listening. I'm trying to get myself to write this stuff out as a process of healing. I'm trying to find the words for those things I just don't understand about myself.

Ultimately I want to heal for my son. I wonder how emotionally open I could be with so much trauma still in me.

 

[Leanne1]

Precious child, I like the name you chose to use. :)

I am also motivated to heal for my son. I want to be a good mom, and the effort I am now making, for the first time, is the first step towards this.

I have been married for 10 years. My husband is the first person I dated when I was 24. I find being in a relationship very challenging.