Relationship Is it common for a sufferer to only feel numb towards you, the SO, and not friends and family?

[concernedboyfriend]

I too failed to give space. All I did was ask something practical, and replied to each response, but it was enough that two weeks later she vaguely impled that she wants me to move on. If I can give you any advice it's this: do not break the space, whatever you do. No matter how hard it is. Be strong.

 

[Freida]

Yep -- I do that. Makes hubby and sisters nuts. My reasons are pretty simple -- I don't care about the people out in the world. I can plant a smile on my face and pretend all is just hunky dory. Smile, talk, laugh -- I've got a damn good facade. those close to me, however, can see that I'm struggling and want to help. Which forces me away. Because ...well..ptsd. At the same time I feel safer with them so I don't have to keep up the facade and I can isolate -- and I will

And yep -- cross that line? I'm out.

With this being such a new relationship you might want to ask yourself if you really want to deal with it. Read the supporter journals around here --see what they go thru. It's tough sometimes to deal with us. Because chances are her behavior won't change. Whatcha see is what you get.

 

[GatorsFan12]

Thank you for the replies everyone. This is a very helpful and informative place. All that I know about the trauma, is that it happened fairly recently, and it was a former family member who did it. From what I’ve gathered, getting emotionally close to a male (me) is part of what triggered things. It’s a tough situation, but I’m just in wait and see mode at this point. It’s all I can do.

 

[GatorsFan12]

Unfortunately, I think I’m just going to have to move on myself. I wanted to wait around and see if things could work, but I don’t think I can handle being in a relationship where I’m going to be shut out for weeks at a time. I feel awful for not being able to handle it but I have unmet needs.

 

[Freida]

I feel awful for not being able to handle it but I have unmet needs.

I don't think you need to feel awful - I think you are being strong and taking care of you. Is this a sad situation? Yep. But. You are doing what is best for you. That's a win.

 

[EveHarrington]

Not everyone is cut out for a ptsd relationship. (This is not an insult, rather a reflection of reality.) I’ve found that certain personality types are better suited to being a supporter. It’s good that you’ve figured this out now rather than later on. Getting your own needs met is very important!

 

[GatorsFan12]

It's just all unfortunate. Being ignored just makes me feel that I've done something wrong, but I've thought and thought if there's anything I did, and I genuinely can't think of anything. I was wrong about how long it's been. It's been nearly a month since we've had contact. Being that it had been that long, I attempted to check in on them yesterday, and didn't get a reply. It sucks, but I don't know what I did wrong. I'm not going to press the issue, and I'm not going to try and check in again. I've gotten the message loud and clear. They don't want to talk. I just personally can't handle feeling like I'm being punished. It might not even be anything that's my fault, but when I get ignored it just makes me feel unwanted, so yeah, I'm probably just not cut out for this relationship. I wish I was, but I can't help it. I tried.

I think the hard part is knowing that I'm the only one being ignored. It makes me feel awful. It makes me feel taken for granted, and it makes me feel very unappreciated. That's my fault for feeling that way though. I realize that she might not be able to help this, and maybe she's just numb towards me still, but it still makes me feel like complete shit. It's hard to tell what's PTSD and what's not.

 

[Friday]

It's hard to tell what's PTSD and what's not.

Doesn’t matter, ya know? If it makes you miserable, it makes you miserable.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yep, totally. And, it makes sense. I isolate from that thing that's most stressful. In a relationship, that's the relationship. Not the person but the relationship. Could say the same for any relationship in my life whether that's an SO, a family member, or a friend. That's my highest cause of stress so I hightail it away from there first. Whether physically or emotionally...or both.

 

[GatorsFan12]

Doesn’t matter, ya know? If it makes you miserable, it makes you miserable.

Exactly. That’s the biggest reason why I feel like I just can’t do this. I wasn’t exactly sure what my own boundaries were initially, but I think being ignored was kinda where I drew the line for myself. It’s just really upsetting.

 

[joeylittle]

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[anthony]

Normal? Yes. Acceptable? Different problem.

Every spouse has to make a simple decision - stay or go. That simple. Sufferers will take most shit out on a spouse when PTSD is uncontrolled. The other issue is that even when something isn't PTSD, either party assumes it is and reacts accordingly. Many a relationship ends up in a vicious cycle, PTSD or not.

The sufferer must fix their shit, the spouse has to fix theirs. Both must treat the other with the love and respect that entails being in a relationship to begin with. If either party isn't there to do that for the person they supposedly love and want to live their life with, then either party needs to make a decision to stay or go, regardless which party it is.

If the relationship is not healthy, its not healthy. If either party is miserable and feels shitty a good majority of the time -- honestly -- get the hell out of the relationship. There will be someone else out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated (albeit every relationship has some hiccups and issues, just not daily / weekly).