Relationship Is it common for a sufferer to only feel numb towards you, the SO, and not friends and family?

[GatorsFan12]

I’m very torn between giving up and holding on to hope with this situation. On one hand, I feel like I can’t take anymore. I hate to be ignored, it really bothers me. But on the other hand, the last time we talked in person, I was told I’d be contacted when she was ready to talk again. So I guess I should take the no reply as her not being ready to talk and not her ignoring me because she’s angry and never wants to talk again. I don’t know. It’s just a confusing situation for me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Holding on hope for a relationship?

How long were you with her in a committed relationship before this trigger hit?

 

[Friday]

I hate to be ignored, it really bothers me.

I hate to be left behind. It drives me crazy.

I have no problem being the one leaving, but I really cannot cope (at all, much less well) with being the one waiting & worrying. :wtf:

This means I don’t date active duty military. I’ve tried. It’s a nonstarter. Even though I’m a military BRAT (and have zero problems with the idea that seperation doesn’t mean distance, because I grew up in an extremely loving and very far flung family, it’s super normal for me to love people thousands of miles away, and have a very close relationships with people I don’t see for months at a time // love moving // love the lifestyle outside of that), and was active duty myself.

I worry. It pisses me off. I worry more. I get more pissed off. And that’s just the tip of a very nasty iceberg.

I am, in no way, cut out to be a military spouse. :mad::eek::stop:

Ditto a few other occupations and hobbies and conditions.

A hunting-widow, however? :D:woot::sneaky: YES!!! Soooooo much fun! From watching them bounce off the walls and chewing the furniture waiting for opening day, to the adventures I get to have solo whilst they’re doing their thing, it’s just awesome. No problem. It doesn’t hit my ‘left behind’ button, the way being a military spouse does.

Ditto a few other occupations & hobbies & conditions that require separation. Something that not only doesn’t bother me, but I actually really dig and enjoy.

The point of story-time? I spent 2/3s of my life watching people be married to the military who HATED it. They hated moving. They hated the separation. They hated everything about the military. I could never understand why the hell they married into it. I still can’t.

Because when you know yourself well enough to know what you absolutely cannot stand? Don’t deal with well. Are made miserable by? I don’t understand deliberately choosing that life.

Because dating isn’t just “Do I like this PERSON” but also choosing a life, and a lifestyle to be leading.

My .o2

 

[Freida]

Because dating isn’t just “Do I like this PERSON” but also choosing a life, and a lifestyle to be leading

this!!! ^^^^ So shes not talking to you right now. But might be back. But might not. She may not know until she shows back up that she is even headed that way. This could be her just playing you - or it could be ptsd.
It may be something she can change but chances are not without a lot of work. And while she's working it out - these behaviors will probably continue.

You have to ask yourself if you are willing to live like this. Don't expect her to come back and for it all to be over because chances are that may never happen. She may do this over and over. Can you be that partner who is ok with it? If you can't it's ok - but I hate to see supporters who think this is a one time thing. Fleeing is how I cope. I can get better about communicating but it will probably never stop. Hubby has to be ok with that or we won't work.
Can you do that?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think for people to talk requires equanimity, a perception of safety, and some desire to even do so, with consideration that for the person with ptsd it's sandwiched between struggles that make the present and future less important than the lessons learned from the past, and for the other person the fact that ptsd is lifelong (as are many other things).

If. or when, there are struggles to be had is when the rubber meets the road and both people have to decide if it's worth it. The question isn't, "Is it worth it to (x), is it worth it to (y)?", but rather is it worth it to you?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I hate to be ignored, it really bothers me. But

This is what I keep hearing you say. Isolation happens, over and over, for a variety of reasons, likely forever. Do you want this issue monthly or how often SO isolates? Can you deal with this over and over, time and time again with no end in sight? Can you meet your own mental health needs during isolation (to be able to stop feel so horrible about it)?

It's been said before and I'll say it again. Not everyone is cut out for a PTSD relationship and that's ok. We are all different (humans in general) and we all can tolerare different things. It seems to me that this is something you can't tolerate and that's ok. PTSD relatiosnhips are hard and you need to put your mental health first.

I guess what I'm getting at is just a few posts ago you said this was your line. That you couldn"t deal with isolation and it was time to say goodbye. What's now stopping you from doing that?

If you do stay together I would strongly advise your own therapist to help you learn coping stragities during isolation periods and to have some great support during these times and then couple's counseling to work on better communicatiom skills so that you can learn a system, together, to pre-warn you an isolation could be coming and possibily what to do to stop it...if possible. It's not always possible to stop it but sometimes it is.

 

[GatorsFan12]

My reason for holding on to wanting her to come back is the same as it seems for everyone else is on here sadly...never connected with anyone like her before. She had said the same about me. We just clicked so amazingly well that it almost seemed perfect, and this just all came out of left field and hit me like a truck. I know that there’s other people out there, and with time I can move on, but right now I just keep bouncing backwards and forth between wanting to move on, and wanting to wait.

 

[solemn93]

never connected with anyone like her before. She had said the same about me. We just clicked so amazingly well that it almost seemed perfect, and this just all came out of left field and hit me like a truck.

I know the feeling. PTSD sufferers can be some of the most wonderful people, they deserve love too. It's hard to lose someone special this way, but the choice to wait and see is up to you

 

[GatorsFan12]

A lot of my frustration comes from the fact that she approached me and initiated all of this, and was super persistent. I understand not being able to date 110%. I can only imagine how hard flashbacks are to deal with, but the way I got pulled into all of this and am now left hanging after I opened up myself really upsets me. It just seems unfair to me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@GatorsFan12 please validate your account so your posts can appear without going through moderation.

 

[HopefulD]

@GatorsFan12 I understand that. He keeps coming back to me and being very persistent. This last time he was very loving and caring. A side I have never seen. Deep feelings were shown. When I mentioned plans way down the road in 5 years he was triggered. Then the slow pull back. The " you deserve better. I love and care for you. I want the best for you." Then poof.... I was cut off completely. About August. I have no doubt history will repeat itself. He will come around. I send general conversation emails. No questions. Continue reaching out because I'm fairly certain no one else does because no one else understands how seriously he is struggling. I think that his family and friends know something is wrong but have no idea of the depth. I care about him and don't want him to think that no one does. That negative tape in our head that plays a continuous loop can be impossible to get past most days.

 

[Freida]

It just seems unfair to me.

it's totally unfair. Completely and totally.
for both of us.
The back and forth - I love you I don't? Is just as confusing to me as it is to my supporters. So often I get into a place where I KNOW it is better for them if I get out of their lives. I'm too damaged which makes me a threat to a relationship. I need to stay with people who really don't matter to me. Then I think no -- I'm ok. I can be there. I can have a relationship. We can be happen
Until one day I wake up knowing I can't. No warning. No rhyme. No reason

It's the punishment of ptsd. And as nice as it would be to change it -- it won't change. I can't will it away. I can get all the treatment on the planet, but I may never get past this part. I'ts the damaged part of my soul. And if I am close to anyone it will damage them too.

yes - its horribly unfair. For both of us.