Is It Ptsd (again) Or He Just Gets Bored With Relationship?

[christy_than]

Hello everybody, I am not sure how to start, some of you might have read my previous post
But I will try to make it short and clear :)

He is a soldier (British army in Germany)with "light"PTSD( I don't know why the doc said only "light") He has PTSD sonce he came back from his 6 months afghan trip (he is back now for 5 months)

So,the pulled away and shut out,anxiety, nervous,nightmares etc scenarios, we mastered it perfectly.

After 3 horrible months we have been through then he came back to his old, talk to me nicely, lovely, and very affectionate. Then he's been sent back home 1 month. Our communication was very good. But then we argued, okay it was my fault, accidentally I made him jealous by telling him that my sister introduced me to a stunt man.

He told me to go to date this guy,as he is capable for me,earn better money than him etc etc etc. I was so irritated with what he said and I confront him by saying that he pushed me away and told me to go to look for other guy, and my sister helped me but I never seen any other guy in my life.

The next day, he went out with friends,no contact no texting nothing! Then I got mad, I was textbombarding him,called him 100times until he called me back.( I acted like a crazy woman)

To make it short, we get better day by day BUT! He doesn't really talk to me,he does keep in touch with me,he does text me everyday but it seems like only formality. Whenever I ask, is he okay? is everything okay? He says yep. He is not talkative and always hiding his problem.When I tried to talk to him once, he said"I don't want to talk about it, you are depressing me now, you are putting me in bad mood"

But at the moment I am certain 100% he is hiding something, he doesn't want to tell me.I got the same feeling like when his PTSD overwhelming him,but on the other side he isn't pulling away completely like he did. I am not sure what is going on at the moment?

My friends tell me that he just gets bored with this relationship ( they don't understand PTSD)
but I am not sure either whether it is ptsd or he just gets bored with me.

Sorry if my story is boring, and too long. I feel the need to share it to make me feel better

 

[Justmehere]

It's hard to say what is going on.

First, I don't see how you made hike jealous. You told him a story and he became jealous - he is responsible for how he feels and responds.

The rest of what you describe sounds like he might not be into the relationship - could be PTSD related, could not be PTSD related.

Either way, I highly suggest telling him what you need, and how you are feeling about the relationship in response to how he is acting.

 

[scout86]

"Jealousy" is a problem. I agree with @Justmehere that you can't MAKE someone jealous, they either are or they aren't. On the other hand, you can TRY for various reasons, to make someone jealous and that might "work" or it might not. If I'm in a relationship with someone who thinks they have a right to tell me who I can talk to or meet, that's a sign that the relationship isn't going to work. No one owns me, and they either trust me or they don't, so "jealousy" us a huge red flag,

On the other hand, if I'm in a relationship with someone who suggests that there are "other fish in the sea" and they've thought about that, that's a red flag too & I'd probably react kind of like your bf did. Neither of those scenarios are a good way to run a relationship and there's all kind of potential for misunderstanding things that can lead people to jump to the wrong conclusions. Remember, you don't KNOW anything that you don't actually KNOW.

Beyond that, he doesn't actually HAVE to tell you anything, you know? He has a right to keep his thoughts to himself if that's what he wants to do. You might hope that he trusts you enough and feels comfortable enough to talk to you about difficult stuff, and you might do what you can to prove to him he CAN trust you, but it's still his choice what he talks about. It's your choice how you deal with that. If you aren't comfortable in a relationship with a guy who keeps some stuff to himself, maybe this is the wrong relationship.

 

[christy_than]

@Justmehere
Hey, thanks for your reply.
we always tell each other about where we are going,who we are going to see and so on (sound silly but we do) :)
so, I told him on that day that the stuntman guy going to come to germany and my sister expected me to accompany him but I insisted though. His response was, go date him, and keep telling me to go see him. Although I told him that I am not going to, He said "go see him don't worry about me, I do care but don't worry just go see him "

Since then, everything has changed 180, he doesn't really keep intouch with me. Our communication is only " How are you, how was your day, I am going to shopping, Good night Have a nice sleep "

@scout86

Thank you, for your time

He never told me what to do, he used to be a very supporting man for me ( before afghan and PTSD though :()
But this 2-3 weeks he's been really emotion numb, I think if I'd fall down and die front at him, he would just look at me and walk away.
i.e, I am going to have surgery soon, I told him and his response was only, "mmhhh", although he knows that it's a main surgery
He's been always busy at the moment, he doesn't really want to spend time with me,communicate, these make me insecure


Yes I get used with that he keeps his problem for himself and I can deal with it, but when something about me bothers him he doesnt want to talk about it,shut out, and telling me everything is okay.

When I tried to confront him, try to talk to him, "we " have a problem, he said, I dont have a problem you have a problem.
I never tried to make him jealous, I trust him and I think he does trust me too, although sometimes he shows some insecurities

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't see this as jealousy. I mean if someone you are dating is seeing someone else, then they aren't supposed to care enough to get mad if you rub it in their face that you found someone new? This ISN'T jealousy! This IS being hurt that someone you care about has found someone else! (Yes, there is a difference!) I guess I just find it odd that this guy was supposed to be totally cool with her saying "blah blah blah my sister introduced me to a stuntman" and have everything ok. No, we don't live in the stone ages, but if my guy told me that he met someone new, of course I'd tell him to go be with her. Actually, this happened in my last relationship.....I told him to go be with her! And no, I wasn't jealous when I said it, rather I was over him. LOL.

 

[christy_than]

@Solara

:( your reply just slapped my face:( I think back about it and it can be I've upset him about that thing. :( I am so sad,but I don't know how to make it better.

I tried to talk to him, I asked him to the weekend to spend time with me but he said,he is busy with promotion.:(

Normally he would make time for me although only half day, why now on weekend he works? Somehow I feel he just pretend to be busy.

I don't know what shall I do. :(