I'm 29, about to be 30. I'm just now starting to deal with numerous traumas and it seems like an uphill battle that I am losing so far. Is 30 too late to start over? Career-wise, personal relationship-wise, everything-wise? Part of the reason I've finally decided to confront my traumas is because I realized I don't want to be alone forever. But at the same time, I feel like it's already over, I've already lost. Everyone else my age is already married and with kids, and here I am crying myself to bed every night with nothing to show for the past 30 years. I know this sounds like whining, and I guess it is, I just really need to hear some feedback on whether or not it's too late for me.
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Is It Too Late To Start Over?
- Post starter Casey_03
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joeylittle
Sponsor
Personally, I don't think it's too late. I'm older than you and asking myself that question. Looking back, I would definitely say that 30-year-old-me could have started over, no problem. I'm not you, of course, but my opinion: not too late, not nearly.
Queen Boudica
VIP Member
30 is still young and in this day and age, perfect to start over. 30 is a wonderful age, not too young, not too old. Mature enough to be over all those young insecurities. Go for it.
Friday
Sponsor
Hope not.
That's only 10 years of being an adult. Another 50-70 to go.
Long ass time, 50 years, to not do anything.
That's only 10 years of being an adult. Another 50-70 to go.
Long ass time, 50 years, to not do anything.
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
Nope 30 isn't too late. 99 isn't too late. Do the best you can for you.
The right time to work on getting better, is whenever you are ready to work on getting better. Makes no difference if your birthday cake has a few candles on it, or a bonfire.
The right time to work on getting better, is whenever you are ready to work on getting better. Makes no difference if your birthday cake has a few candles on it, or a bonfire.
J_trustno1
Diamond Member
@Casey_03: No, you NOT too old to restart. I know that feel that your insecurities are a forever thing because you haven't dealt with them for 29 years of life. No, there is NO set rule which applies to learning or healing. We learn each day we are alive and healing is part of being alive/ present in the moment.
I'd like to tell you that I am 27 but my struggle with self hate and depression started when I was 16 probably way longer than that. But at that age I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't even know what the hell was wrong with me 2 years ago when I was suicidal because I always looked for a quick fix (i.e. antidepressants ) but I never tried threapy because it was "wrong to share family secret".
Don't let the world make do things it's way. You want to deal with this stuff and that itself is a big thing snd maybe you weren't ready to go through it just yet back than like myself. Lastly, don't let the societal pressure make you decide on the age you "should " be getting married or having kids. According to my culture, I am already too old for marriage but I can't just settle for anyone. Yes, I have days like you where I feel that I am too old but that's not true.
What about those men who are marrying women that are 30 years younger than them or vice versa, what about those third world countries where they have child brides or grooms? And what about those people who underage girls are married off to wealthy man who is twice or even thrice the age of child bride? If you try calculating about the entire world's marriages you don't stand as an outliar. Your age is in the right range. Lastly ask yourself are you really ready for all this stuff if none of your friends were married or had kids? The answer is probably NO. You are just taking some time for YOU and it is okay to have "me" time and be selfish at times. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings but all I want to say is that there is no age for anything, it's just a limit put on us by our so called society or culture. All the best in healing. My wishes are with you.
I'd like to tell you that I am 27 but my struggle with self hate and depression started when I was 16 probably way longer than that. But at that age I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't even know what the hell was wrong with me 2 years ago when I was suicidal because I always looked for a quick fix (i.e. antidepressants ) but I never tried threapy because it was "wrong to share family secret".
Don't let the world make do things it's way. You want to deal with this stuff and that itself is a big thing snd maybe you weren't ready to go through it just yet back than like myself. Lastly, don't let the societal pressure make you decide on the age you "should " be getting married or having kids. According to my culture, I am already too old for marriage but I can't just settle for anyone. Yes, I have days like you where I feel that I am too old but that's not true.
What about those men who are marrying women that are 30 years younger than them or vice versa, what about those third world countries where they have child brides or grooms? And what about those people who underage girls are married off to wealthy man who is twice or even thrice the age of child bride? If you try calculating about the entire world's marriages you don't stand as an outliar. Your age is in the right range. Lastly ask yourself are you really ready for all this stuff if none of your friends were married or had kids? The answer is probably NO. You are just taking some time for YOU and it is okay to have "me" time and be selfish at times. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings but all I want to say is that there is no age for anything, it's just a limit put on us by our so called society or culture. All the best in healing. My wishes are with you.
I'm your age. We are both lucky to be handling these issues while we are young. A lot of these married people you are concerned about will be divorced before you know it. A lot of these married people never worked on their own issues and will find out they were not ready for marriage, or married the wrong person, for the wrong reasons.
You will be wiser and better suited for a truly healthy relationship because you are doing "the work" yourself. You will be better prepared as a future parent too (if you want kids). I promise if you keep you eyes reeally open, you'll notice that basically half of everyone of all ages is single right now, contrary to whatever impression you're getting from media/culture/local network. In fact a stat recently came out saying that there are more single Americans than married now, for the first time ever! Its like 51% to 49! There are people getting married decades later than what was normal back in the day.
The "too late" thing is a total sham, an illusion, stemming from generations past who had to live in fear of singledom because women were not given many career opportunities, and men were assumed to be gay if they didn't marry a woman early in life.
Nobody needs anyone these days in general, and nobody needs to be married so they can "look" a certain way to other people. Don't buy into other people's fear. Statistics will show you its totally irrational. You don't have time for more fear anyway, having PTSD is enough to deal with.
You will be wiser and better suited for a truly healthy relationship because you are doing "the work" yourself. You will be better prepared as a future parent too (if you want kids). I promise if you keep you eyes reeally open, you'll notice that basically half of everyone of all ages is single right now, contrary to whatever impression you're getting from media/culture/local network. In fact a stat recently came out saying that there are more single Americans than married now, for the first time ever! Its like 51% to 49! There are people getting married decades later than what was normal back in the day.
The "too late" thing is a total sham, an illusion, stemming from generations past who had to live in fear of singledom because women were not given many career opportunities, and men were assumed to be gay if they didn't marry a woman early in life.
Nobody needs anyone these days in general, and nobody needs to be married so they can "look" a certain way to other people. Don't buy into other people's fear. Statistics will show you its totally irrational. You don't have time for more fear anyway, having PTSD is enough to deal with.
Seasounds
Diamond Member
A terrific age to be as to do deep transformative work, and a terrific age to bring healing to yourself that will open many doors for your happiness in the future!
D
Deleted member 1860
Hell no.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 29. I'm in my mid 30's now. No kids, no relationships of note, no career. It stinks, but it is what it is. I've had to stop comparing myself to everyone else other than to say "hey, I've had to deal with a LOT more than those normal people, so I deserve to be cut some slack!' And none of this 'we all have our struggles that are equal but separate' crap as its not true. (I'll never understand why people have the inability to admit that some have just been dealt a harder hand in life?)
Maybe you're a bit young to realize this.....I know I didn't until I was in my 30's as that's when it started happening to many people I knew..... Anyway, do you know exactly how many of those 20-something marriages last? Uhm, yeah, there IS something to be said for the "got married young and divorced after 7 years" crowd. I noticed it after reading an article online about the phenomenon. So WHOA! I dodged that bullet, huh? I didn't get married when I was young and still finding myself, still changing. I'm now more confident that I am able to enter into a relationship that is much more stable as I am personally much more mature. Of course its no guarantee that my future relationships will last, but there is something to be said for putting off major commitments like that until you are a more responsible person. No kids to shuffle between mommy and daddy once a week, no BANKRUPTCY (yeah, divorce is big for causing that one!), no being tied to a crazy ex for the rest of your life, etc. (See, waiting doesn't seem so bad now, does it?)
As for my career, that one will be new, too, but even so, I'm thankful as I was one of the lucky few who was able to get rid of almost all my student loan debt and start fresh. Now I can do what I want to do in life (I wasn't on this path before), and even though I won't be making much money, I am SO much happier. Many people change careers multiple times in life. Its no big deal anymore.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 29. I'm in my mid 30's now. No kids, no relationships of note, no career. It stinks, but it is what it is. I've had to stop comparing myself to everyone else other than to say "hey, I've had to deal with a LOT more than those normal people, so I deserve to be cut some slack!' And none of this 'we all have our struggles that are equal but separate' crap as its not true. (I'll never understand why people have the inability to admit that some have just been dealt a harder hand in life?)
Maybe you're a bit young to realize this.....I know I didn't until I was in my 30's as that's when it started happening to many people I knew..... Anyway, do you know exactly how many of those 20-something marriages last? Uhm, yeah, there IS something to be said for the "got married young and divorced after 7 years" crowd. I noticed it after reading an article online about the phenomenon. So WHOA! I dodged that bullet, huh? I didn't get married when I was young and still finding myself, still changing. I'm now more confident that I am able to enter into a relationship that is much more stable as I am personally much more mature. Of course its no guarantee that my future relationships will last, but there is something to be said for putting off major commitments like that until you are a more responsible person. No kids to shuffle between mommy and daddy once a week, no BANKRUPTCY (yeah, divorce is big for causing that one!), no being tied to a crazy ex for the rest of your life, etc. (See, waiting doesn't seem so bad now, does it?)
As for my career, that one will be new, too, but even so, I'm thankful as I was one of the lucky few who was able to get rid of almost all my student loan debt and start fresh. Now I can do what I want to do in life (I wasn't on this path before), and even though I won't be making much money, I am SO much happier. Many people change careers multiple times in life. Its no big deal anymore.
Hi Casey
Eternity thinking, and negative thinking are both big things with PTSD.
I was told that I probably have PTSD in my mid 40s. I didn't believe it.
I buggered up yet another relationship, and isolated for a few years. I finally realized that yes, I do have a trauma/developmental response last August.
Now, half a century into life, I've started a new job (first proper money for 5 years or so!) and I'm feeling positive
When you've spent some time around this site, you'll learn to spot all the things that youngsters can't recognize - you'll be mindful of your own thought patterns, and you'll be able to spot all of the narcissists, psychopaths and time wasters, and keep the hell away from them.
You'll be able to be gentle and forgiving with yourself, and not try to compare yourself to others (you don't actually know what insecurities and regrets the people you are comparing yourself to, might actually have).
Thirty is a great age for getting things done, you know what hard work is and how to get on with doing it, you are not starry eyed and naive, you know what life can be. you've got a good few years to have kids if you want them, and to really care for them and emotionally be there for them.
Eternity thinking, and negative thinking are both big things with PTSD.
I was told that I probably have PTSD in my mid 40s. I didn't believe it.
I buggered up yet another relationship, and isolated for a few years. I finally realized that yes, I do have a trauma/developmental response last August.
Now, half a century into life, I've started a new job (first proper money for 5 years or so!) and I'm feeling positive
When you've spent some time around this site, you'll learn to spot all the things that youngsters can't recognize - you'll be mindful of your own thought patterns, and you'll be able to spot all of the narcissists, psychopaths and time wasters, and keep the hell away from them.
You'll be able to be gentle and forgiving with yourself, and not try to compare yourself to others (you don't actually know what insecurities and regrets the people you are comparing yourself to, might actually have).
Thirty is a great age for getting things done, you know what hard work is and how to get on with doing it, you are not starry eyed and naive, you know what life can be. you've got a good few years to have kids if you want them, and to really care for them and emotionally be there for them.
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