Relationship Is There Any Positive Relationships Supporters Are In?

[Saint Nik]

Hi,

I just ask because I mainly read in threads that relationships with supporters with sufferers are about struggle, isolation and not feeling as if they should even carry on in the relationship! :eek:

Since coming to this site it has opened my own eyes to my own relationship and it got my partner and I talking. I asked him questions, similar to the ones I have found on this site. Wondering if he felt tired, drained, exhausted, maybe even concerned. . . or stressed out! But, what I found out was he is okay.
He said he knew he wants to be here with me. He doesn't see PTSD as an issue and completely understands why I am the way I am with so much trauma in my life. That he doesn't feel I am any kind of burden. (Though at times I feel as though I am!)
Anyway, the whole point in this thread was: I just wanted to know from you guys if you too are in positive, healthy and strong relationships too? That PTSD hasn't destroyed your relationships. . .if anything it may have made you closer to your suffering PTSD loved one?

 

[Friday]

<chuckling> People don't generally ask questions or need to vent about what's going right in a relationship!

 

[MD27]

I totally agree. I have become closer to my bf and he suffers PTSD. If anything he deals with his symptoms all by himself. He does it all by himself. His progress is all him and I am just standing by his side and cheering him on if you like!
We have both talked about his PTSD and we both agree that it has brought us closer! :)

 

[Saint Nik]

People don't generally ask questions or need to vent about what's going right in a relationship!

Well, I just did!

I think it would be nice to see if couples do work through PTSD. There is a thread on here for accomplishments and success. . . something positive for Post traumatic growth. . . why can't there be ones for relationships too? Isn't that what we all strive for? Positivity? Happiness? Contentment? Or is this site only hell bent on focusing on the negative only? Don't get me wrong, I agree with venting, sharing our stories and concerns, worries and problems. . . but surely its okay to have a balance? I wanted to know if any supporters found anything positive with being in a relationship with a sufferer.

 

[illusionist]

I think they see past our Ptsd and see our other qualities. We are not just all about Ptsd. Why else would anyone stick with the totally unpredictable life they share with us?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sure there are positive PTSD relationships here :). A lot of us have been with our sufferer for years, and there are some positive threads on the supporter section about the things we love about our sufferers. Like https://www.myptsd.com/threads/even-with-the-ptsd-and-all-they-still-make-us-happy.34332/ or https://www.myptsd.com/threads/happiness-is-possible.37489/#post-606279.

Since this is a PTSD site though, most people come here looking for help when their sufferer's PTSD is bad... hence the sad/negative tone in a lot of the posts. I can see how this would probably seem upsetting to sufferers when they read supporter threads. We love our sufferers and think they are awesome... but their PTSD is something that we have to learn to deal with. I would say that most of us don't consider the people we love a burden though.

Supporters differ just like sufferers differ. Some have a better handle on things than others. Some relationships in general are better than others, just like "normal" relationships.

 

[Peach]

It seems to me that we (the supporters) are completely enamored with our partners...sometimes to an unhealthy degree because we give some completely bad eggs extra leeway because they have PTSD - which maybe means in extreme cases we'd stick around longer than if there was no PTSD involved.

In general though, we seem to be an extra caring, patient, and forgiving bunch that makes us well suited to being with someone who has some extra quirks. We're fixers and nurturers by nature. We see someone who needs a little extra TLC and it sucks us in.

I've told Tater that it's his lost puppy persona that gets me. It's not pity, it just brings out my inner mama bear. It makes him irresistible to me. Like the world's most timid dog in the very last kennel at the animal shelter, it has an extra special place in your heart.

Even though we come on here hurt, confused, and frustrated, most of the time it's because we want more (time, loving actions, personal attention, conversation, etc.) from our partners and are trying to figure out how to get there. It's not manipulation, but we've seen their beautiful side, the ugly side, the parts other people don't understand or don't want to deal with, and the hurt shoved way down deep and we love it all, either because of or inspite of.

And that's where I'm at right now. As far as I can tell, the only problem with my relationship is that I want more of it! I think in the grand scheme, that's a pretty good problem to have compared to others. I just have to continue to be patient with this snails pace he's set and try to stop chomping at the bit even though I am ready to run as fast as I can!

I know I keep saying 'we,' I feel we're probably all pretty similar from what I've gleaned from the posts of others. In any case, all of that is certainly true of myself.

So, yeah, I'd call my relationship healthy with a smattering of speedbumps, but it will make us better in the long run.

 

[Sighs]

Lol - I have no idea if my relationship is 'healthy', but for me there are enough positives that two years in I'm still in the relationship and, if anything, love him more today than I did at the beginning before I had really seen his dark places.

 

[Mit]

I asked my partner. She said she loves me, our kids and us, and despite our battles wouldn't have it any other way. She said we are stronger and better together.

We've been through the mill and back and survived as a couple. Pretty amazing really. F**k em all, were still here!!

 

[technigirl]

I agree with a couple of the statements above. First, it's human nature to want to spend more time discussing what's going wrong, rather than what's going right, especially on a support board like this one. Also, if the board were filled with people talking about how great their relationships with their sufferers are, I think that would be off putting to those who are having problems. People come here to commiserate, find support, and hopefully come to understand that they're not alone.

As far as whether a relationship *can* be good or not really depends on the two people involved. For the carer, I think it depends on how much tolerance they have for the symptoms that PTSD can bring, and that depends on the personality of the carer. For the sufferer, I think a lot depends on how far along they are in their healing process and how well they are dealing with their illness. In my situation, I was willing to deal with my friend's issues and still maintain a friendship with him, but he had not come very far in the healing process and he was apparently unable to deal with being close to someone (even as friends). Therefore, I got shut out and the friendship is broken.

 

[Saint Nik]

most people come here looking for help when their sufferer's PTSD is bad

I completely understand this. I think I made the thread as there is categories for accomplishments and success for sufferers and even supporters to read and see progress and growth can be achieved. As I started to navigate through the forums, I just couldn't find anything that mentioned positive and healthy relationships. It was supporters mainly stressing that they felt isolated, burdened, alone and struggling with the sufferer. Again, I completely understand the need to look for information, help, support and understanding. As for myself, I believe if you don't ask, you don't get. I'm basically a truth seeker and I will look for truth in everything. All sides to the issue. . .the balance, yin and yang if you like :D
And as soon as I mentioned it in a thread, I went looking and I shall find :smug: joke aside though. It's just great to hear there is a balance with this PTSD and there is growth, there is progress! :tup:

Thank you all for your replies. Much :hug: to you all!!!!

 

[Saint Nik]

F**k em all, were still here!!

Love it @Mit and it's brilliant it even gets you speaking with your partner! I was the same. Soon as I read all those supporter threads, I started freaking out, thinking - oh shit! Does my partner feel this way? I couldn't handle the stress of his feelings as well as having to deal with the shit PTSD could bring! But, luckily no, he said he loves me and always says the same -
" PTSD can affect any human being that has been subjected to trauma, abuse or an abnormal situation. Doesn't matter how confident, stable minded, strong foundation you think you are. . .it hits us all! And that is why I am here, PTSD isn't you and I love you for you. . .right now you are doing your best to work through this shit!"

So, yeah Mit - f*ck em all! lol ;)