hello purdy, i feel for you: i was orphaned as a kid, other family didn't want to know, no spouse etc. so i have always worked really hard to build up important friendships. i know that feeling of being totally alone, especially when going through a real bad patch, because then, even with family/friends you feel too bad to reach out to anyone & even if you do they can't always give you the support you need: NOBODY (friends/family/spouse) can really understand what we're going through - but these pages CAN! i too felt completely overwhelmed here at first: too many people, too many stories, my brain isn't working properly now & my memory is shot so i couldn't take it all in, too confusing! anthony told me to BREATHE, we forget to do that! just stop a minute, stop trying to do too much, and do the baby steps i've now learned about here. and going back to family etc, now my friends are having to watch their aged parents having strokes, going into care homes, dying & so on, i look on the bright side (there are always bright sides just that when we're very low they go & hide so you can't see them!), i won't have to go through that, or have that responsibility! and when life has been very tough (as yours) making friendships can be very hard, maybe you can't trust people, but even if it's too hard to find people you can be close to in your life, it is possible to get support & understanding here, i have. and as they say on the ads 'you can do it in the comfort (& important for US here: safety) of your own home'! big hug to you purdy, hang on in there, ups & downs will come & go, but you'll find that the general trend really is UPWARD!