Today was going well until I reached my first class where we watched a movie which included violent scenes of abuse and murder- what my PTSD stems from.
After watching it, I suddenly became very scared of everyone around me and couldn't handle people walking behind me. I saw everything as bad. I tried to stifle the feeling but it didn't work.
During lunch, the feeling started to build up along with another new feeling. I misread my friend's not saying hi to me as a sign that they hated me and were going to leave me. My thoughts started racing with things like "they hate you, they want you to die, kill yourself, etc."
Then I began to think about my mother and how unloved I felt. I felt like no one would ever love me. This is when I started to dissociate during conversation. I was aware that I was doing it, but if I attempted to bring myself back to the present the thoughts piled up. It was more comfortable to stay out of it. Except when I dissociated, violent images of my past kept playing in my mind.
I started to shake a lot/couldn't keep still and felt incredibly tense. I went to the bathroom and stood in the stall shaking for 5 minutes with a lot of fear about the people around me wanting to hurt me and the thoughts that no one loved me.
When I got out of the bathroom I was so dazed and out of it, I couldn't walk straight for a moment and bumped into the wall. I tried acting normal in front of my friends but instead kept doing repetitive movements with my hands/rocked back and forth. They tried talking to me and the time it took to process what they said was extremely slow.
I eventually calmed down, but for the rest of the day I've felt very out of it and more hypervigilant than usual (jumping at loud noises, being afraid for no reason)
So, my main question... is this an anxiety attack? I am very unsure and have only experienced it at this level only once before. Thanks.
After watching it, I suddenly became very scared of everyone around me and couldn't handle people walking behind me. I saw everything as bad. I tried to stifle the feeling but it didn't work.
During lunch, the feeling started to build up along with another new feeling. I misread my friend's not saying hi to me as a sign that they hated me and were going to leave me. My thoughts started racing with things like "they hate you, they want you to die, kill yourself, etc."
Then I began to think about my mother and how unloved I felt. I felt like no one would ever love me. This is when I started to dissociate during conversation. I was aware that I was doing it, but if I attempted to bring myself back to the present the thoughts piled up. It was more comfortable to stay out of it. Except when I dissociated, violent images of my past kept playing in my mind.
I started to shake a lot/couldn't keep still and felt incredibly tense. I went to the bathroom and stood in the stall shaking for 5 minutes with a lot of fear about the people around me wanting to hurt me and the thoughts that no one loved me.
When I got out of the bathroom I was so dazed and out of it, I couldn't walk straight for a moment and bumped into the wall. I tried acting normal in front of my friends but instead kept doing repetitive movements with my hands/rocked back and forth. They tried talking to me and the time it took to process what they said was extremely slow.
I eventually calmed down, but for the rest of the day I've felt very out of it and more hypervigilant than usual (jumping at loud noises, being afraid for no reason)
So, my main question... is this an anxiety attack? I am very unsure and have only experienced it at this level only once before. Thanks.
