Sexual Assault Is This Sexual Assault? Please Help

[The Albatross]

Ah, k.

 

[The Albatross]

Personal apologies to guest Elzi for taking this off topic. Bothered me and for that I do apologize.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Elzi

Hi Elzi,

Your post and question, concern for the 'Help Please' part. What help do you need? If in the US I would contact Rainn for live talk Rainn.org

Legal aspects and opinions are just that and have no bearing on what you need right now.

 

[RussH]

@Elzi we welcome you as a guest, and hope you will consider becoming a member.

 

[void]

Dear @Elzi

We care about you.:hug:
We know you are hurting.:(
We are all saddened that this happened to you.:(
We stand in solidarity with you....100% on your side.:happy:
If you need to say more about how you feel we will listen.

Have you told anyone in your real world social support circle and/or family???

 

[Justmehere]

I guess I'm just hoping that this doesn't make me significantly worse than I already was :/

Are you working with a therapist? Getting peritraumatic (around the time of the trauma) support is one of the best things someone can do to prevent a traumatic incident from leading to PTSD, or more specific to your case, worsening PTSD symptoms that were already there.

 

[Deleted member 34060]

Definetely assault/rape. And I feel very sorry for you !!!

But please define "platonic". For how hong have you been knowing him ? How did he react when you told him you just want to be friends ? Did he ask you for it before or did you mention it casually at some point just to be clear ?

There are different types of guys. Some will just walk away and never call back when sex is no option. Which is fair enough. Then there others who accept it just fine because they really want to be your friend end enjoy time with you. And then there are others who never have any dates and are so desperate that they still believe that maybe one day their chance might come. And this sounds just like that.

I really recommend you (all ladies actually) to take a very close look at the motivation of "platonic" male friends.

 

[Anarchy]

Elzi,
I'm sorry that this has happened to you
The three things rolled into one
Assault/ rape
discovering that someone who you considered a trusted friend, assaulted you, betrayed your trust and demonstrated that they were not the person who you thought they were
and all of that being done to you when you are already a PTSD sufferer

________________________________________________

I'm going to try to keep this none contentious. I can see both positions that have been expressed, and I have been clicking on <like> for posts that I genuinely do like.

The Perp is a conscious human who made a choice to assault you - he owns all responsibility for his actions.
however much he might have been attracted to you Elzi or however much he craved sex - he could have put some safe distance between you, he didn't, he chose abuse.
_______________________________________
Seperate issue

Can I please ask you to carefully consider why you drank yourself to the point of passing out?
I know that you did it in what you reasonably believed to be a safe environment (the perp owns his actions)
there is no need to post in this thread about why you drank, I only ask you to carefully consider it, and consider anything that might be contributing to it, like circle of friends, night life, self medicating, never really thought about it etc

________________________________________________
Dealing with things that are not conscious, thinking, (hopefully moral) human beings.

I know that you drank in what should (should is a dangerous word) have been a safe environment

but getting under the influence to the point of passing out - is self endangerment,
Things that are not so much of a danger to an un-intoxicated person, are a much greater danger to a person who is intoxicated
stairs, traffic, falling under a train or a truck, falling into a pool, accidentally scalding or burning yourself, stumbling and scraping your face down a rough wall, choking on vomit...

There are plenty of things in the world that are not conscious, and which are a much greater risk to us when we are under the influence, than they would be if we were sober

Just in the past 12 months, at least two of the guys who I was at school with, have died drink related deaths; one was found drowned in his bath on his birthday, the other suffered liver failure. They started problem drinking at some time. Please, if you need help with drink - seek it.

 

[Jodiann]

I have a platonic male friend who was well aware that I didn't want any sexual contact with him, stayed at his house afte...

If you aren't involved in the sexual act (meaning you were not in a position to be able to object, or even participate, or even given an opportunity to participate) and it was intentional that he did it while you were in that state of mind, then stopped when he knew you were awake acting like nothing happened. That is sexual abuse. You should always have a choice, no matter who your with or where you are.

 

[Whyteferret]

Ultimately, it's the responsibility of the perp. He's the one who decided to assault someone.

Saying that women have to stay sober to avoid assault is blaming the victim for someone else's choices.

Sadly, we do have to think protection of self all the damn time. But that doesn't guarantee safety either. It comes back to the perp.

Even if a couple is making out, it's not consent for sex. Either one can stop at any time.


Yes, it was assault. You were not able to consent.