Queen Boudica
VIP Member
I wonder whether it has got to do with whether trauma is childhood trauma or not? I mean you have the personality traits that your genome dictates, but that is then switched on/off modified due to environment. If environment abusive you are also learning how it is normal to behave in that way. In my case my mother, narcissist BPD, no boundaries, no emotional regulation, emotionally abusive, always right. Those are the traits I should have mimicked, as children learn from their parents how to behave. But to me her behaviour was mad, but I got traumatised by it. I got the fear, the fight or flight. Was my personality meant to be timid and not confident or confident and outgoing? Who knows? Maybe my genes were supposed to make me confident and outgoing. I sort of admit I have inherited an intelligence dictated by genes I suppose, but most of time think mostly stupid. But my father's behaviour was like he had Asperger's my mother was clearly damaged, so no idea who I would take after? I didn't want to be like them. But my models were them, except my grandmother who was timid and kind and my grandfather who was more outgoing and confident. Not sure about my mother's side. But she was narcissist that is partly inherited. Maybe it is just a conflict between behaviour you have had modelled, plus the trauma effects and then the actual personality you were meant to be. But the behaviour you had modelled and that trauma symptoms are pulling you to those parts. Ok probably utter rubbish. See I just don't know where I come from? In normal family you would see normal behaviour and the genetic disposition meld into one seemingly blended personality. But mad traumatic family where is genes and where is environment? Who am I supposed to be like. Most people can say, I am like my mother, or father or aunt or uncle. Not me. I felt completely isolated in that family.
