Isolating Himself And Then Books A Holiday For Himself To Kenya!!

[Greytowngal]

I am so angry, hurt and upset.

My husband has isolated himself and become emotionally detached. He works in the Middle East so it is easy for him to detach and isolate as I am still in the UK! I was on facebook this morning and one of the wives I met out there when I went out to visit my husband wrote "I bet you are looking forward to Kenya, it's on my bucket list too!!" . Well you can imagine, I am dumbfounded, I know nothing about Kenya. He previously emptied the joint bank account and got his salary put into his own new account. I have to ask for money for groceries or incidentals.

I am so mad, but I don't know what to do. Do I call him on it and tell him exactly what I think (I am so tempted!) or do I remain the good Stepford Wife and remain supportive and being here for him when he eventually comes out of the dark place in his mind? I will just add that he is in denial about how bad his PTSD has got.

I am at my wits end - I have got to contact him to ask him to put some money into my account so I can get groceries for me and the children, we have 2 dogs that need to have their boosters at the vets, the car needs petrol and he books himself a holiday!!!!!!!

Please advise the best cause of action as in this moment in time, I just want to rip his head off! (not literally......)I am sorry if this sounds aggressive, but I am devastated by all of this.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I really don't know what advice to give you because I don't know your whole situation. I do feel for you. I know what it feels like to not have financial security because of a husband or partner. Do you mean there is no money in the bank for you and the children? I am wishing you the best of luck!! I don't think you sound aggressive. You sound scared to me.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Gtg

Does your husband appreciate how much the cost of living has gone up in the UK!!? He should be supporting you financially and having to ask for money doesn't sound right to me, especially if he's off to Kenya. What about you and your childrens' holiday? Assuming he can afford to cover everything, I'm guessing he's never taken independent holiday before?

I understand your anger and I would definitely be asking him about it. However, he is unlikely to recognise how it would upset you. For me, one of the saddest and most hurtful things about PTSD is the emotional detachment and the defences that get put up.

Sounds like a crisis, which could be difficult to contain. It's a delicate situation to balance your needs and his at this time as communication is never easy with PTSD. And I'm feeling sorry for the embarassment this has caused you with your fb friend and how it will escalate at her end if she gossips about it.

Hugs to you, take care, x

 

[wife of]

If it was me I think I'd play this one carefully and ask him for enough money to tide you over for a good few weeks.
Once the money was in your account(not a joint on I hope) I would then ask him what the hell he is playing at.
Stuff like this can not be ignored,get it out into the open no matter how tempting it is to gloss over it and walk around on those egg shells.
Sometimes when we carers turn a blind eye to bad behaviour all we are doing is saying"yup tht's it pal go on you are getting away with it,trump that" and it encourages futher bad behaviour.I think the offial term is enabling?
I hope I haven't been too blunt and as I say its only what I would do,for me.
I hope you manage to get to the bottom of it soon.

 

[Greytowngal]

I'm sorry, I need to apologise for my outburst earlier - I was just so upset.

Anyway, I spoke to my husband (about something completely different) and managed to get Kenya into the conversation. He told me he was only thinking about it, but he has to get out of the Middle East for a few weeks as it is so stressful. After he told me once again that there is nothing wrong with him, he then happened to drop into the conversation that he thinks everyone at the Brit Club is spying on him, watching his every move and that he will have to stop going in there!! Mmm, showing signs of paranoia now........not good.

I told him I understand he is isolating himself and has detached himself emotionally and that I am here for him when he needs me. He told me that they are not symptoms of PTSD - not sure what books he's been reading, but I know they are severe symptoms.

My hands are tied, so I just let him know that he may think I am controlling and manipulative because of where his head is at the moment, but in time he will see why I have acted like I have. I ended the conversation by asking him to promise to contact me if he felt he couldn't cope anymore and needed someone to talk to.

This is so upsetting - but tomorrow is another day. It just all feels like a long, thankless slog - but because I love him I am not willing to give up on him, I'm in for the long haul.