It Feels Like The End Of The Game

[reallydown]

So, I haven't started a new thread in ages and quite frankly, I'm not sure that this is a good idea but anyway...

As the title says, I feel like the end of the game is approaching and nothing is resolved and it looks like it will go to overtime but I have no energy, no will to make it there.

I won't kill myself, at least not in the foreseeable future...but probably never because I am too chicken to do it myself...but...if something else was to take care of it for me, I wouldn't complain.

I just see no point in going on. I don't see better jobs out there for me and I'm not getting younger. I've already missed the boat on many things. I don't plan on having a family or getting married but that's not a problem because I don't have anyone in my life anyway...at least not in that sense; nor am I likely to.

The planet is going to hell anyway. All I see going forward is misery. An overtime loss, if you will. And all I 'll have to show for it is massive fatigue. Not sure how much longer I can keep this up...

 

[Ronin]

Hi @reallydown,
Thanks for making this thread. It's not a lost one.

What gives you a feeling of joy, and hope, and pleasure? I know I know, I'm asking too much and too difficult questions, at least right now. But if you can look for answer to any of these three, find something that works for yourself, some of the energy might come back.

And - if going forward is not possible, go back for a time, somewhere you had shelter, somewheN you had shelter. When did you feel less of the combination you're feeling now.

It's okay to be tired. Tired is a reason to rest, and gather where reserves are and where one should put their energy better. It's not a defeat, it's not a failure, and it's not the end.

 

[reallydown]

At this point nothing gives me joy or pleasure and certainly not hope. I've tried to think of things and it's all just coming out ...flat. I feel the years that should have been my best are already behind me and since I have nothing to show for them, I am not likely to any time going forward. It can only get worse from here...so what's the point?

 

[Ronin]

That's depression talking though?

You may not be the best at what you consider you should have, or would like to have had, or feel need to be best at, but that does not mean you are good for nothing. There are so many things you can be the best at.

& 'the best' is not an objective measure, even where there's outside affirmation for that sort of thing.

 

[ms spock]

Is it time for you to get back into therapy @reallydown? You have been struggling on your own for a long time.

I agree with @Cashew that is your Depression talking.

 

[The Albatross]

...so what's the point?

The point is that your perspective is robbing you of the life that you have, right now.

Seems to me like your indulging in fantasy thinking when you say, "I won't kill myself, at least not in the foreseeable future...but probably never because I am too chicken to do it myself...but...if something else was to take care of it for me, I wouldn't complain." But isn't what you really mean, "I don't like my life and I feel powerless to change it"?

 

[reallydown]

But isn't what you really mean, "I don't like my life and I feel powerless to change it"?

No; not quite.

 

[JL Sequel]

I think I feel the same. I wish I had good words for you. I wish it were enough to "not feel alone" (virtually). It's incredibly hard (for me) to find a way to feel less alienated. I have ONE person in my life who I rarely see that understands completely. Normally, people make me feel worse by invalidating the way I feel/see the world. All the thoughts are colliding in my head. Sorry. I wish I could articulate it. Anyway, there was more than a kernel in what you said that resonated with me. I don't think it is "just you." I think this world is a terrible and difficult place to be in.

 

[JL Sequel]

I do think it is depression, at least partly. I know I am deeply depressed. So I wish I hadn't replied in that way. I just understand how it is to be tired of fighting. It does seem as if we have to fight for every little thing in life, including the stuff we have already won. "Yay! I've got a new apartment! It's expensive, but nice. And the landlord is really nice. Oh wait.... No hot water? And I have to fight for it for months? No, he's not nice. And now I have no money to go somewhere else!" It's like that with jobs, housing, necessary goods. It's exhausting.

 

[reallydown]

It's back...Sigh.

 

[ms spock]

What about seeing a therapist? Or doing something proactive to assist yourself like working on the top ten distorted cognitions? Medications? Reading some books? Starting some exercise? Doing some small things to start yourself back again?

 

[JL Sequel]

Oh jeez. Me too. I hope it doesn't last too long for you.