Relationship It Feels Personal..

[medley29]

Struggling with feeling like his silence is personal. Even though I try not to bug or pressure him. Any tips on how to manage this?

He hasn't been mean to me, just is quiet right now. I know it's necessary for him to get better/recharge at times, but as a supporter, how can I handle this more gracefully without feeling like he's upset with me, or taking it so personal?

 

[journey31]

Following. I'm in the same boat.

 

[Della]

Well, just let him be for the moment, that's good that he has not been mean to you because some of them can get pretty rude like my sufferer does at times. I used to push him but I don't because he left me for a while but gradually, he is coming around slowly. Just give him his space dear, is you try to talk to him just talk casual talk to him, if he does not feel like talking, then don't push it because you will make him get worse and he will take longer to bounce back. In the meantime, find things for yourself to do and talk with friends or family and just do you sweetie. Don't take the silence personal because you have got to remember that this is a illness of the mind and when sickness come upon us, we don't function properly or normal. When he does come back for being quiet, treat him the same do not act like you have an attitude with him because this will make him feel bad and will cause more pressure on him. If you don't pressure him, he will bounce back quicker. sometimes though the silence, can go from a few days to a few weeks or months but I need to prepare you for that. You see, I'm a supporter as well and my sweetie suffers from PTSD as well. Be encouraged,:-)

 

[medley29]

Well, just let him be for the moment, that's good that he has not been mean to you because some of them ca...

Your positivity really helps. Sometimes I become afraid that he stopped caring because of the silence. Is this all in my head? Is this just him dealing with the pain and stress of the illness?

 

[Della]

You're welcome dear. How long has he been quiet? Yes they do deal with stress in different ways, has he been diagnosed with PTSD or undiagnosed? Has he or is he going to therapy? Usually, when they shut down like that, something triggered their PTSD and they just get quiet and shut down and become very silent they have the 3 phases, Fight, freeze, or flee. Right now he is at the freeze point that he gets quiet and does not say much. No, it's not in your head that he is acting like he does not care because in a sense he doesn't right now. What I mean by that is when they go through their phase, sometimes, they don't think about friends, family or loved ones they are focused on what they are going through and they shut the world out because that is the only way they know how to deal with their trigger or stress during that time. You can expect him to have very mixed emotions ok? One minute lovey dovey and the next very cold and withdrawn. I would suggest that you read some books on PTSD and relationships and research the internet as well and stay on this forum and learn about the disorder and talk to the sufferers as well you will learn a lot from them too. Don't tell you sweetie that you are on here because he may get upset ok? Keep it to yourself and study and learn on how to deal with him better. He will appreciate it trust me? :-)

 

[medley29]

He is diagnosed. I don't know if he has gone to therapy in the past, but he isn't at the the moment. He is in the middle of a medication change. I've been reading all I can find on here and elsewhere on the Internet. It hasn't even been a full week, so I'm trying to be patient as that is not a super long time. He's been dealing with it for a while now, this is just my first time to experience it. He warned me at the beginning of the medicine change that it probably wouldn't be pretty. I haven't shown him that I was struggling with it, and I don't send him emotional things. If I message him I try to keep it light and basic. I used to message everyday, but I'm trying to give him some days with space in between. I don't want to push him away further.

 

[medley29]

Is it helpful or harmful to send little encouragements along the way?

 

[Della]

You can send him encouraging things to him but don't do it too often because he will feel bombarded and that you are too eager and that will make him uncomfortable to deal with. Mine stayed silent on me for one month honey and that was torture for me and it was rough. So don't bee too over the top with things. Just let him know that you are still there to support him in what he is going through. How long have you been with him? They want you there in their life but it may be sometimes to better suit them. They know how much they can handle at a time sweetie the key is patience and not to pressure him so much. Sometimes they go for months and doing good and then they experience a trigger and they spiral downward so like I said expect the up and down with emotions and I'm glad that he cared enough to tell you what he will be going through during the medication change.

 

[medley29]

I've been trying really hard not to overwhelm him. We haven't been together a super long time, but long enough for me to know how I feel about him. How often is too often?

 

[Della]

It depends on how often you do it. I won't do it everyday. Maybe once or twice a week. Like I said they can only take but so much when they are like that. Alsk when you do talk, try not to talk on the relationship unless he brings it up. It makes it easier on him and less painful for you.

 

[medley29]

I usually stick to things like "Hope you're having a good day" or I'll let him know I'm going out of town for the day or something like that. I never ask about how "we" are, I never ask him questions unless it's absolutely necessary, and I don't directly reference his PTSD or emotions or anything like that. I try to keep it light and basic, but still be myself.

 

[Pretty Hurts]

this thread is so helpful to me. i struggle with taking his silence personal too, it's hard at times not to. thank you @medley29 for asking this question @Della for sharing your advice..