Relationship It Feels Personal..

[Deleted member 12723]

I struggle with silence as well but it looks like you are doing all of the right things at this time. I would suggest you do a lot of self care and nurture yourself and remove yourself to a friends house on the hard days. I am a sufferer and I have a daughter that has PTSD and I struggle with her silence and know the truth will eventually come out so I am doing a lot of self care right now and giving her space, time, and distance for now.

 

[journey31]

You're welcome dear. How long has he been quiet? Yes they do deal with stress in different ways, has he be...

I'm in the same situation. Mine has had a major trigger. A death of a coworker.
I'm so torn on how to deal. I feel like if I stay I'm going stress him. Because he's in total defense mode. I say can I see you, he responds with, why are you trying to fix me. Totally inappropriate response.

But if I walk away, that's not going to help either. He already talks about how he messes everything up. He's a failure. He can't do anything right unless he's told how to. I don't want to add to those insecurities either.

I'm just los. I want to do what will help him and I don't think there's a right answer.

And he refuses to get help. He thinks he can fix himself.

I've seen him go from OK to horrible over the past six months. Like he's gone. He's a shell right now. And non communicative. Won't even respond to texts.

I've known him three years so I've seen him good, but he claims he was faking that.

 

[Justmehere]

Silence is hard. It can feel so personal. I have been on the end of someone shutting me out. I've also shut people out when I didn't mean to hurt them and I didn't want them to really go away, but I was too overwhelmed or otherwise unable to get myself to engage.

Think of it like someone fighting cancer. If they are too tired to talk or connect, most people don't take it personally. They know that it's really about the cancer. PTSD is harder to see in that kind of way, and it's very different than cancer, but sometimes the battle with the symptoms takes all that the sufferer has, and there is nothing left.

Self isolation can be a vicious cycle, and sometimes it helps to know someone is there to connect with, when I can shake myself out of it in any small way.

 

[journey31]

Silence is hard. It can feel so personal. I have been on the end of someone shutting me out. I've als...

How do you let them know you're there when any contact pushes them away. And he's in denial that he even needs help

 

[medley29]

I struggle with silence as well but it looks like you are doing all of the right things at this time. I wo...

Also, I don't live with him, so I'm not getting to see him right now. He did let me take my dog over to play with his dogs while he was working one day this past week, and that was nice. I left his favorite candy and a little note. But I am not getting to spend any time with him. Which is okay, if it's what he needs. It's just hard.

 

[Della]

:hug:@journey31, when they deal with this type of disorder, they will put themselves down and they will not feel worthy of anything, what you can do is try to encourage him that despite of his situation, he is doing good for what he is going through. Yes he will get defensive because it's one of the modes, fight, freeze, and flee right now he is freezing and fighting. Let him breathe honey don't overcrowd him with calls and texts messages because you are right, it will make him act out even worse and he will resent you and cut you off for good because he will look at you as one of this triggers and they stay clear from their triggers. Try to support him in a easy silent way, sometimes it may takes a few days, weeks or months just like I tell others. Mine sufferer cut me off for 30 days with no contact at all. He got so frustrated with me because I gave him no space, that he blocked my calls and texts so he backed off because I would not listen. Somebody said silence is normal so you will just have to be patient with him and wait but it's up to you to want to deal with this disorder because they can't really help it at all. If you do decide to stay, look for a bumpy ride with emotions and when he acts out and decides to come back around, don't act funny around him because it will make it worse for him. the best thing to do is be calm when you do talk to him. Best of luck to you.

 

[Della]

@medley29, he liked the fact that you left his favorite candy that was sweet of you :-). Even though, you got not response, he appreciated it at least he knows that you are still there, and guess what? he still want's you in his life because he allowed you dog over to his house. He still wants you there sweetie just be patient with him. I know that you miss him and want to see him. When he does come back around, it will be worth it. If you can learn on how to deal with PTSD and the triggers, the relationship can be actually nice because they may see you and what you do and they will stay with you because you are beginning to accept them for who they are. That's all the majority of the sufferers on the forum wants to be accepted and loved by somebody that understands. :-)

 

[medley29]

I'm gonna just have to bite the bullet and give him space for a while, even if that's hard for me. I feel it's what's best for him, and that comes first right now.

 

[Della]

Yes I think that you should in the long run it will be better and when he does bounce back he will have a better attitude toward you as well. My sufferer is coming around slowly after blocking me for a month. He is talking to me some now. I'm just going to have to ease back into things with him if that's what he wants to do. At least we are on talking terms.

 

[Della]

@gizmo, I'm so proud of you, you are doing pretty good dear hugs to you. :hug:

 

[medley29]

Yes I think that you should in the long run it will be better and when he does bounce back he will have a...

I have bad anxiety, so it's really difficult for me when I'm not hearing from him. I find it hard to distract myself at times, but I need to get better at it. I want to do whatever is necessary so he can get better. It's just really difficult for me to back off so much.

 

[journey31]

:hug:@journey31, when they deal with this type of disorder, they will put themselves do...

So no contact won't make him feel like he screwed up?
Before this happened he did something that upset me. And I'm huge on non confrontational communication, to avoid future issues. Can't fix a problem you don't know exists. So I mentioned it (and it wasn't as bad as this. Don't even remember now)
But he was like well there's another thing I f@$*ed up. So, I don't want him to feel that again.