It wont stop replaying..sorry so long

[Quassus]

This is where I'm at too. Just connected some dots and realised I'm repressing something dark and awful. I want to know but the thought of knowing makes me feel sick. I can fill in the gaps and make assumptions about what happened but I've been trying to journal decriptions only of what I remember, no gaps filled. I guess when my mind and body are ready, it will come.

It did end up coming for me. A totally different memory. I still can't fully believe it but I've learned to trust my brain and let it heal as it needs too. I believed it and now I'm starting to heal.

 

[oh!theperspicacity]

@Quassas Thanks for replying. It made me realise the memories coming up for me may be completely unrelated to each other!

 

[Quassus]

@Quassas Thanks for replying. It made me realise the memories coming up for me may be completely unrelated to each other!

Yes. It's funny how the brain works and sorts things out! Time often gives clarity. Trust the process

 

[Kath]

I'm so sorry you're going through this - I also have late-onset PTSD and it's so hard to deal with, having repressed things so totally and successfully for so long. I can't offer much other than to say that I want to send you hugs and sympathy and to say that it can and does get better - but I found it got worse before it did, which is what you're going through. I read a book which suggested that your body/mind represses these things until you're strong enough to be able to deal with them. I don't know how true that is, but thinking of it like that really helped me to stick with the therapy and gave me the strength to confront the stuff I needed to confront. Keep going - you're not alone! xx

Facing it is an incredibly tough road and it feels like you'll never get through it. It felt like waking backwards but it does get better! It might take a while and it might creep up on you. It also felt like my brain took an enormous amount of time to absorb and reset with weekly EMDR. Do you have a pet? Sending you hugs X