What can I make of staying with abusive people so long?


I don’t know if any of this applies? I was filled with responses like ‘no one is perfect’ ‘every relationship has its ups and downs’ ‘no one knows what happens behind closed doors’ when I felt like terminating close friendships and relationships. I also had seen one of my ( not great- frankly pretty terrible) ) parents terminate friendships quickly and easily and did not want to emulate that. I became a half way house of terminating some things and hanging on to others too long to counterbalance that ‘it’s ok I end those friendships as I stick loyally by this person for endless years so I cannot be a damaged person) . I now know that loyalty isn’t something I prize more highly than integrity - If I feel too conflicted it’s ok to go . And it’s ok to let go a friendship where you have love and lots of positive emotions about the other person if it’s hindering me in some way. I don’t need to define it as abusive. I do need to define it as ‘ongoing’. So - if the nature of what is problematic is not caused by something that will pass.

all those things about people not being perfect are true. One of my imperfections is that I have greater need than average to create safety in my surroundings- my stress cup is never as capacious as I’d like it to be, my heart is softer than I show, and I worry and ruminate. Other people do NOT have to cater for the failings I am trying to improve, but some things and wrongly timed increase these problems and it’s better to reduce my ‘intimate ‘ exposure to them as opposed to my acquaintance with them.