I probably shouldn't make this a public thread, but my anxiety is running high right now and I am frustrated because sometime I feel that people forget that other people on this site have PTSD. Sometimes people read posts clouded by their own PTSD and it gets misinterpreted. Sometimes people communicate poorly because of their PTSD. It is not the sender or receivers wrong doing, it is that the airwaves are muddled by PTSD.
I wouldn't be making this a public thread if it was just me and another member. I am choosing to make this public because I am seeing it happen with multiple people and playing out in threads and to a lesser extent chat.
I care about the people on this site, but if I am not responding to you, or if I say something stupid, it doesn't mean I have a problem with you, it means my PTSD is tripping me up.
I know right now people think they made me mad because I am not answering PM's. I liked your PM for goodness sakes but didn't have the mental energy to respond. The only reason I am writing anything right now is because of the adrenalin surge I can't seem to calm at the moment.
I am not just ignoring people on the site. I have ditched my last couple of therapy sessions not wanting to face her, I am not returning important phone calls, I have a traffic fine I forgot to pay and I am freaking out about, but can't bring myself to do anything about.
My husband is complaining that I am pulling away, and it doesn't help that I have massive guilt because I ruined his plans for our anniversary because I decided to stay in bed until 4 in the afternoon. This was after I made a big deal about expecting him to do something special because we have been broke the last couple of years, so yeah, I feel like a 1st class bitch.
Oh yeah, Last Monday my Dr. told me to go straight to the E.R. as I needed to be admitted to the hospital because my vitals were shit and as he put it, "Snow has more color than you do." I haven't gone yet. I am afraid he is going to ditch me as his patient for being non compliant. I am just too freaking scared of guaranteed triggers that come with hospitals. I fear being trapped, I fear them injecting me with psych meds again that I can't tolerate the side effects of because I am scared and they think I am "hyperventilating," while I am shouting that I do not consent to that med. only to be held down by security officers despite my husbands please that they just need to give me a few minutes of space and silence. So no, I am not resisting treatment, or trying to be non compliant, I am trying to work up the nerve to get past what happened last time I was ordered to the E.R.
So seriously folks, if you feel like someone is ignoring you or being rude, or is angry at you, it really might not be about you. I know it is hard to not take things personally sometimes, but please try and keep in mind that the other person might just be going through their own shit.
ETA tried to fix some of my horrible spelling and grammar issues.
I wouldn't be making this a public thread if it was just me and another member. I am choosing to make this public because I am seeing it happen with multiple people and playing out in threads and to a lesser extent chat.
I care about the people on this site, but if I am not responding to you, or if I say something stupid, it doesn't mean I have a problem with you, it means my PTSD is tripping me up.
I know right now people think they made me mad because I am not answering PM's. I liked your PM for goodness sakes but didn't have the mental energy to respond. The only reason I am writing anything right now is because of the adrenalin surge I can't seem to calm at the moment.
I am not just ignoring people on the site. I have ditched my last couple of therapy sessions not wanting to face her, I am not returning important phone calls, I have a traffic fine I forgot to pay and I am freaking out about, but can't bring myself to do anything about.
My husband is complaining that I am pulling away, and it doesn't help that I have massive guilt because I ruined his plans for our anniversary because I decided to stay in bed until 4 in the afternoon. This was after I made a big deal about expecting him to do something special because we have been broke the last couple of years, so yeah, I feel like a 1st class bitch.
Oh yeah, Last Monday my Dr. told me to go straight to the E.R. as I needed to be admitted to the hospital because my vitals were shit and as he put it, "Snow has more color than you do." I haven't gone yet. I am afraid he is going to ditch me as his patient for being non compliant. I am just too freaking scared of guaranteed triggers that come with hospitals. I fear being trapped, I fear them injecting me with psych meds again that I can't tolerate the side effects of because I am scared and they think I am "hyperventilating," while I am shouting that I do not consent to that med. only to be held down by security officers despite my husbands please that they just need to give me a few minutes of space and silence. So no, I am not resisting treatment, or trying to be non compliant, I am trying to work up the nerve to get past what happened last time I was ordered to the E.R.
So seriously folks, if you feel like someone is ignoring you or being rude, or is angry at you, it really might not be about you. I know it is hard to not take things personally sometimes, but please try and keep in mind that the other person might just be going through their own shit.
ETA tried to fix some of my horrible spelling and grammar issues.
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