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It's Too Painful

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trying2movefwd

Diamond Member
No one gets me. They think I am some lazy ass who doesn't care. I feel like practically everything has been taken from me. All of my dreams. I still have my kids yet because i am mentally ill people act as though i don't deserve them. I am this horrible Mother because medications treating the wrong problem didn't work. Yes that was my fault. Appearantly i am unworthy and undeserving of everything. I want the easy out, but my homework is to think of my kids and how my easy out would impact the rest of their lives. It feels like folks are saying..hey life is better for everyone if your not around trying. Im crushed, im heart broken. I had another dream shatter today, this child who once believed in God is looking around and seeing nothing, but hopelessness. . . And her kitten...her precious kitten. :cry:
 
It feels like folks are saying..hey life is better for everyone if your not around trying
Don't listen to those thoughts! I nearly took my life several years ago when I came to focus on the misbelief everyone would be better off without me. I convinced myself that my children deserved better than me.

Know what happened? After I found a way out of toxic thinking, I slowly came to understand those thoughts were nothing more than that, just thoughts, without a basis in fact. I was reacting to my feelings, which were real enough, but I was not living in the power of the truth about myself.

And what was that truth? That the feelings and toxic thoughts were a result of abusers who had hijacked my mental health with violence when I was a child.

Trying-to-move-forward - Dare to believe what I've written. Truth will exert a powerful influence if given time to do so. I know it's hard waiting for change to come your way, but it will come. I am living evidence, as are others on this site. My near brush with death was 31 years ago. Because of truth I came to see the root of my depression and now I counteract it with positive thinking to displace the toxic thoughts.

During the last 31 years, some of which were really difficult, I lived to enjoy my children as they grew into adulthood and because of the imperfect love I was able to muster up for them, they thrive as well as anyone else. Also, I've had the added joy of 4 grandchildren, and they love me! Can you imagine?

You are a person of value and worth. Period. Feelings to the contrary are just that - feelings. And feelings based on a false perception of your worth are just electrical impulses firing around in your brain.

I hope you will dare to believe in yourself. It is an important, crucial step.
 
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