Feel Like Therapy Helps But Too Painful To Wait For Next Session

[falling_wave]

I agree with @barefoot I went in yesterday and and when my T mentioned that it had been a few weeks I said it felt more like a few months. Lol She fully understood and validated that and I felt so much better. When I was leaving she said that I could text her during the weeks off to request a check in. I think I probably won't follow through with that but I felt so much better just for knowing. Maybe you could the same?

 

[Bird33]

Thanks for your thoughts @barefoot and @falling_wave. Your both right but I am afraid of being to needy and bothering her. She is great and allows me to email and text her in between but I worry that she is just saying I can and it would be too much. I really put myself down for feeling like I need her. I don't know why.

 

[falling_wave]

@Bird33 in crisis I can see that. Therapist need to have their relaxing time and cannot be always dealing with crisis. Once in a while if you can't manage absolutely. However, if you have talked about how it's hard to go the full time and just need a brief check in to remind you of the permenency than I don't think your T would just be saying it's okay. If she didn't want you to call she may have a policy that it's okay but she wouldn't remind you of it. Also my T likes when I text and ask for her to call when she can instead of me calling her. That she can decide when she has time.

 

[barefoot]

I hate feeling needy too but I also now know that my therapist wouldn't suggest/offer something that she's not prepared to do. She's very kind and, I think, goes above and beyond for her clients when she thinks they need it. But she also has very clear boundaries. When I've had a couple of periods of having particularly bad times, she's suggested checking in by text, but she's been the one who initiates the check in. She basically texted to ask how I was doing and I'd reply. She didn't then generally reply to my reply but I'm sure if I'd have texted something that looked like an emergency, she would have followed up if she was able to. That felt less needy for me and also gave her control over her time. It's only been a couple of occasions and, as I say, they weren't long back and forth exchanges at all. But I appreciated it as an act of kindness and the contact felt reassuring.

 

[Bird33]

@falling_wave yes she says its okay but I don't really believe her. Do you ever feel that way?
There is a lot going on right now. I am trying to break away from my family who are still abusive. They live nearby and come by even though I have asked them not to. It is a big mess.
Thanks for your thoughts it helps knowing other people feel the same way. I just wish there was a way to just get rid of that feeling and deal with what I need to in therapy and not worry about the therapy itself.

 

[Bird33]

@barefoot so you feel needy too? I have three kids, a job in which I take care of patients, a husband and lots of friends that I take care of and help and then I have this relationship with the therapist. It's a crazy feeling. Never really felt it before.

 

[falling_wave]

@Bird33 totally feel needy sometimes. I've only done check in thing recently since it was her idea and we are transitioning to further apart. I've called maybe 3 times in crisis over 2 years. I hate doing it but part of therapy is I have learned to trust. I write letters to her that I never give or send and listen to voicemails she left even to cancel an old appointmen lol its just to hear her voice. It's tough buy something she told me the other day us she sees it as progress because I didn't trust or attach before and now I do. It's a thing that's supposed to happen and if you trust her your work together can be a whole lot more effective.

 

[Tinyflame]

It is just weird because I don't talk to anyone else and I could I just choose not to .. want to just quit. Did you ever feeling like quiting so you wouldn't feel this way?

Yes, definitely. I think I should choose not to too & it's difficult (fall out) when I've chosen to. Guilt shame & self-blame. Wish I could put all the memories behind me.

For me, it always has felt easier to quit .. it is about avoidance.When I'm not in therapy at all, I'm just avoiding the issues. Being in therapy stirs things up, brings things to the surface, and then it is all I can do to contain the concurrent emotions between sessions.

Yes.

I remember now, positive words each day gave me a lot more strength (to face each day). Maybe it's like a gas can that has to be filled frequently? In fact, saying that, maybe it has to be daily, like food?

And too much negatives (processing) is so much. (Too much to bear. ). But it's hard to make it stop when it occurs.

:hug: & best wishes to you.

 

[barefoot]

@barefoot so you feel needy too?

Hmm...I often find it difficult to know what I need...and even when I do, I find it very hard to express it... So when I do express a need I often feel like I'm being 'too needy', 'too demanding', 'too clingy' and I think people will be sick of me but that they'll be too polite to say so... And that's a horrible feeling.

My therapist will often ask 'what do you need?' And sometimes she's asked 'what do you need from me?' And I think I just stare at her as though she's speaking to me in Russian because I don't know. Or I sit and feel panicky because I do know but can't say.

We've discussed it a few times - both my difficulty with knowing what I need and the fact that I hate feeling needy. Once she said that she wondered if it wasn't so much that I hate feeling needy and more that I find it difficult to feel/accept that I have needs. I thought that was an interesting distinction. And I think she may be right...!

 

[The Albatross]

Things come up in therapy and you talk about them and then okay now you have to just deal with it until the next time.

That is sort of the point... things come up and between sessions you process it, report back. But I did do also two sessions a week then one a week then every other week...

 

[Bird33]

@barefoot I have done the same thing read emails and listen to voicemail. Lol Sometimes I wish i had a friend that had a similar experience but it is hard to talk to people that do not understand about that kind of stuff.

 

[Bird33]

@barefoot my therapist has said the same thing to me. I think that is an important distinction.