Forgetful
Gold Member
I haven't read the replies (too triggering) but I wanted to let you know what H & I did in a similar situation.
One day (10 years ago) my 13 year old daughter told H about something that had happened 2 weeks prior. She was at church youth group when the 12 year old boy sitting next to her put his hand up her skirt. She kept slapping jis hand and softly (we had taught her that you are to be silent in the sanctuary. Since then we have changed that thinking) telling him no, stop etc. He didn't stop and eventually penetrated with his finger.
Right after she told him he talked to my mom to see how he should tell me and asked for advice. After we talked we called the minister, informed her and she came to the house immediately. After that we called the police and then sat down with a detective who listened to her account and gave us options to help us decide what we could/should do. After we left they immediately called the boy's parents who brought him in. It was past 10 pm so the next morning we made an appointment with a therapist and then discussed options (full trial which she'd have to talk in detail and could result in him having to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, or a mediation where she wouldn't have to attend but she'd have to give a statement).
Long story short because he confessed to it (stating he didn't know it was wrong and could do so much harm), and taking his age into account we all (daughter included in all decisions) decided with mediation.
Results - he had to attend sexual offenders meetings and individual therapy for a year, write a sincere apology letter (which was pretty screened by the judge),and never come closer than 100 yards or have any contact with her. This last one was a major schedulin headache for the rest of her schooling.
Through victim advocates she can attend therapy for this for free for the rest of her life..
I think including her in all decisions helped her feel in control and in her healing. We never went back to church although just this past week she joined her husband's church. She is now a healthy, happy 23 year old with her own family.
My advice (you may already have taken these suggestions, as I said I haven't read through the replies) seek legal action, therapy, and empower her by including her in all decisions. I am glad she spoke up and you are seeking help. I didn't speak up when it happened to me (also at 13) resulting in me being here 30+ years later.
One day (10 years ago) my 13 year old daughter told H about something that had happened 2 weeks prior. She was at church youth group when the 12 year old boy sitting next to her put his hand up her skirt. She kept slapping jis hand and softly (we had taught her that you are to be silent in the sanctuary. Since then we have changed that thinking) telling him no, stop etc. He didn't stop and eventually penetrated with his finger.
Right after she told him he talked to my mom to see how he should tell me and asked for advice. After we talked we called the minister, informed her and she came to the house immediately. After that we called the police and then sat down with a detective who listened to her account and gave us options to help us decide what we could/should do. After we left they immediately called the boy's parents who brought him in. It was past 10 pm so the next morning we made an appointment with a therapist and then discussed options (full trial which she'd have to talk in detail and could result in him having to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, or a mediation where she wouldn't have to attend but she'd have to give a statement).
Long story short because he confessed to it (stating he didn't know it was wrong and could do so much harm), and taking his age into account we all (daughter included in all decisions) decided with mediation.
Results - he had to attend sexual offenders meetings and individual therapy for a year, write a sincere apology letter (which was pretty screened by the judge),and never come closer than 100 yards or have any contact with her. This last one was a major schedulin headache for the rest of her schooling.
Through victim advocates she can attend therapy for this for free for the rest of her life..
I think including her in all decisions helped her feel in control and in her healing. We never went back to church although just this past week she joined her husband's church. She is now a healthy, happy 23 year old with her own family.
My advice (you may already have taken these suggestions, as I said I haven't read through the replies) seek legal action, therapy, and empower her by including her in all decisions. I am glad she spoke up and you are seeking help. I didn't speak up when it happened to me (also at 13) resulting in me being here 30+ years later.
