Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[Heather]

I have found one thing that has helped a bit. I found myp3 player and charged. It has about 100 of my favorite songs. I close my eyes and lay back under my cozy blanket. I get a break for awhile.

 

[Heather]

I have regained some of my mojo and went to the board of ed. today. The pupil services lady(don't remember her name) has set up a meeting at the school next week. She will be making sure that a plan is in place for Nicole and that she is safe at school. The social worker, principal, school nurse, her teacher and the school police officer will all be present.

DCF is coming out tomorrow at 3:30p.m

Was very disappointed when I told a good friend of ours about what happened to Nicole and Brianna. We've known them for almost ten years and lives 3 houses down from Brianna.

He doesn't believe it. He can't understand why Brianna would keep going back over there again and again. He even questioned when I told him about Nikki. It makes me very sad.

From experience I know how devastating it is to not be believed and/or called a liar. It sucks.

 

[Heather]

Also, Brianna's dad called me they are going to his house tomorrow too. He was upset as well that Brianna is not being believed.

And as far as me wanting my sister to come up here. She's too much for me. She says I'm to passive and should have gone to the police. Rape crisis advocate said the only thing police would do is call DCF. Who already have been notified.

She also thinks I should pull Nicole from school and put her in another. Why should Nicole's life be disrupted any more than it already has been? Selena should find another school. Then she told me I'm making Nikki the victim. That just pissed me off. I love my sister and I know she means well. But sometimes she too much to handle.

So, my mom doesn't want to hear it and my sister is to overbearing. There's no one left to turn to. Feeling very alone in this.

 

[Heather]

DCF will be here in 2 hours. I think I'm gonna puke.

 

[Chava]

Schools are all about stopping things like this on paper, but in reality they sweep it under the rug

Not true. I used to work in a school (now more college level, but still...). There can be human sloppiness anywhere though, but you can make the right case to the right person... and sometimes it's frustrating. But "schools are all about..." is so general I think you could only say "educating..." It's a blanket statement and not a fair generalization.

This is all really unfortunate but I assume there are people looking into Selena's situation...and legally it would be nobody else's business. Much of this issue is beyond the scope of school administration. If this girl isn't charged with anything it's not like they can kick her out. Yes, good to get a new social worker if you have one that is not helpful. Good to work on boundary setting too. Selena does not sound healthy (and from an outsider perspective I do hope she is getting help too, but that might be private info that you will not be able to have).

 

[Heather]

DCF came out. What a nightmare. She totally slammed me. She said that she's been getting several complaints from her office that I am "bashing" Brianna. I haven't said anything about that little girl. My heart goes out to her and what she's endured. She said one of the parents called and complained but wouldn't tell me which one.

She also showed me a printout from yahoo that was given to her by Tina. It was pictures of the bottom half of men in their underwear and in the left hand corner had my daughter's first and last name attached to it. She said this is what Tina is trying to prove - what kind of person your daughter is. (looking at inappropriate pictures). I want to know how Tina got this. I found several yahoo accounts by my daughter but NONE were in her name. They were all things like 2girlsinoneworls and chloe bear etc.

Nicole denies ever seeing those pictures before and I would like to believe her but I just don't know. I also wouldn't put it passed Tina to make a fake acct in Nicole's name just to make her look bad.

The DCF worker said that I could be facing a civil suit because supposedly I am talking bad about Brianna.

DCF worker also said that she doesn't believe that Nicole was victimized by Selena. That it was consensual/experimentation. This is bullsh#t. I heard my daughter tell her that she said no to Selena and told her to stop. How is that consensual?

She said the only one she believes is Brianna. And that Nicole kept going upstairs over and over again to play with her. SO DID BRIANNA!!!

I hate the turn that this is taking. She is making Nicole out to be a willing participant and that's not fair to my daughter. She is a victim too.

I also talked about my mistake with Tina's ebay acct. and tried to fix the problem. I wrote her a letter explaining what happened., She went to the police and made a report that I hacked into her account. What a f**king B**ch. It was a mistake.

She wants us all to sit down and have a discussion about this (Tina, me and Brianna's dad). I don't want to do that.

I really hate that DCF worker. She said that Selena admitted to inappropriate touching but said Nicole went along with it. THAT'S NOT WHAT NICOLE ORIGINALLY TOLD HER!

I don't know what to do. I am taking the computer to the police dept. to have them check if Nicole was on that site. I want her name cleared. If I find out she was on that site and has been lying to me (yet again). She will be punished, like she's never been punished before.

We were talking about it earlier today and I told her that she doesn't always tell me the truth. She tried to walk away and I grabbed her arm and she turned around and slapped me (not in the face) but she hit me none the less.

I hate that this is happening. I hate my life right now. I am so miserable I can't stand it. I texted her dad to call me 'cause DCF was here and the a**hole never even bothered to call back. He is useless.

I have to shoulder this burden all by myself and it's almost to much to take.

 

[The Albatross]

Very sorry Heather that all this is overshadowing the events that caused the investigation in the first place. Hoping it will all come out and together in the end?

 

[Heather]

@The Albatross thank you for your words. I hope so too.

Went to the police station last night and spoke with a very nice officer. He looked up the complaint Tina filed on me and there's nothing in their computer base about it. Looks like the police tossed it. Good news.

He also said they have the SVU officers and I could speak to them about what the DCF worker said to me. He wasn't so sure I'd be facing a civil suit.

He also said their I.T. guy could take a look at the computer and see if Nicole was actually looking at that site. I spent 45 minutes on the phone last night with yahoo and there is no account in her name. We tried all various scenarios and nothing was found.

He said I could also file a complaint with the DCF workers supervisor about the way she is treating me and now turning it around and not believing my daughter.

My mother did agree that she would come with me to the police department and I told her I never want to be alone with that DCF worker again. She said she'd be there.

My daughter told me this morning that she thinks I hate her. It breaks my heart to hear that. I love my daughter more than anything and it just makes me cry.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Heather The thought that comes to mind is that this has gone on for a long time for your daughter and it is all new to you and thus you are overwhelmed. When it happened to us, so many people in the system all tald me that I would get help. They all were telling me lies because in the end, I was alone against the great tide.

I had a lot of expectations for help and justice and it was such a ugly wake up call for me. So I made the police reports, went to Victim witness looking for justice and got none.

I wish I had not been so questioning of my children because that was so hard on them. I was fighting mad, and the best thing I did was get the best therapist I could for my children. Even she told me that Victim Witness would pay for the therapy.

It was a very costly and painful education for me.

I hope that this does not discourage you as you are like me basically on your own. So for years I would go to the kids teacher and explain they were high need children based on what had happened to them. Sometimes I got help and other times I did not. It was a very rude awakening to the justice system.

So I totally understand how you feel. Sadly the only support I can give is here but if you want to pm I would be glad to support you better.

Kids are going to say things because they have been suffering for such a long time and they are so confused and mixed up. I think it is embarrassing to them to talk about what happened to them. Just my two cents. Hugs.

 

[Heather]

@gizmo If I could like your above post 1,000x's I would. You are a godsend.:):tup:

 

[Forgetful]

@Heather Things went so smoothly for me, I never imagined it could be so horrific and difficult for others in similar situations. We must have been lucky. My heart breaks for you. I know it's not the same as sitting at the kitchen table but I am here for you.

Cyber hugs if wanted. I hope things calm down and gets easier for you and your daughter.

@gizmo I'm sorry you had to go through this too. How are things now?

PS I used to have a cat named Gizmo

 

[void]

Hi. I haven't posted a thing in months/years but I need to talk about this. We just moved to a new apar...

Dear Heather,

Thank you for believing your dtr and the other girl:tup::tup::tup::tup:

Many adults do not, which causes even more suffering.

I haven't read the rest yet so I'll:speechless:.