Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[Deleted member 12723]

@Heather you will have guilt and it is false and I had tons of it too for so many years. It is not your fault that you did not know. I felt like a total failure as a mom when the truth came out when my kids were very young. Call a crises hot line if you feel like you are going to lose it because I have used them and they had good suggestions to help me to cope. This is such a insidious situation and I really hope that much good and healing will come out of this one for you both. Hugs.

 

[ms spock]

Heather you are doing really well with what is in your plate. You really are, society let's women and children down. I have a lot of admiration for you.

You are being way too hard on your self. @gizmo is right when she says it is false guilt. I would expect that it would take you a couple of years to deal with it.

You are already there for your daughter, very off your own back. My mother never did one of the things that you are doing with and for your daughter.

You need to fill your own well. I am travelling at the moment but I will think on it.

Did you tell your T that you are hearing voices? You are too precious to go under. You will be there for your daughter more if you take care of your self. Modelling you taking care of yourself is very important for her. If you can stop that rumination that you are not. This is not reality.

If you need to go to hospital then that I okay better that then you cracking up. Kids can cope if you tell them age appropriate honesty.

You are doing a good job. Full stop!

 

[Heather]

@Ms Spock and @gizmo thank you both for your words of support and encouragement. I think it will take a long, long time before I don't feel any guilt. She is my baby, my precious angel and she was hurt. I didn't protect her and that's hard to live with.

Had forensic interview today. Was there for over 3 hours. The investigator came in after it was over and said she disclosed that it was happening for almost 2 years. Almost on a daily basis. I wanted to cry.

The detective was very nice and said he'd be in touch in a few days after all kids were interviewed. And would inform me what was going to happen in terms of criminal charges. I said I didn't want to see an 11 y/o be arrested (Selena) but did say, "that kid needs help". Which they all agreed. Also the consensus was something was going on with her and that's why she was doing it to the other kids.

The woman questioning Nicole said she had a hard time talking about it and after Nicole said she had been crying. My mom hugged her and told her she did a great job. They wanted to do a medical exam on her but because she was so stressed they've put that on hold. We have to go back in two weeks.

Brianna had her forensic interview today too. She didn't talk about what happened to Nikki but I told her that was ok. She said she would do it next time. I told her it wasn't necessary. She told her story and that was good enough.

I'm relieved it's over with. I can't say I feel any better. My daughter looked sad and miserable at dinner but I think she is just plain exhausted.

That stupid DCF caseworker was there and didn't even acknowledge me. I guess she heard my complaints from her supervisor. When they all came in the room, I was tempted to say, "I'll listen to what you have to say but she needs to leave (DCF worker). But I didn't say that. My mom said, "you should have said that".

 

[Heather]

I don't know if it's karma. I don't know if it's because I'm so flipping angry over this situation but Selena's mother's car was smashed in the back. Totally undriveable. Can't say I'm sad to hear that.

 

[katz]

Heather, I completely agree with your mom on this one. If you can, keep that lady out of the picture as much as possible. You need to feel comfortable and strong for your own sake and for your daughters. If this lady is upsetting you, you have every right to ask that she is not present. If anyone wants to know why--tell them!! Don't stay quiet! You are the adult and your daughter needs your strength, and support, and to know that she is most important to you.

 

[Heather]

@katz Thank you. I wish I had the courage and strength to speak up but I just didn't have it in me. I have to work on that.

 

[katz]

I also have a terrible time speaking up for myself. I have trouble being strong. Sometimes I have to call on my "anger" strength so I can feel stronger.
Find a place or a thought that makes you feel stronger, then learn to use it every time you need it. Just gather all your anger and "mom" strength and step up. Believe in yourself. You can do it!

 

[Heather]

@katz I like that analogy and will use it. Thank you.

Nicole is crying. She can't verbalize what she is feeling. All she keeps saying is, "I don't know". She doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. But she has to go. She has missed so many days.

I feel helpless. I don't know how to make it better.

She's afraid that people will find out about what she disclosed today. I've reassured her a dozen times that what she said stays in that room and that room only. Doesn't seem to ease her anxiety.

I also told her how proud I am of her and so is her grandmother. That she is courageous and strong. She told her story, her truth and that's a good. That she can heal from this. And things will be ok.

Honestly, I don't think she's buying any of it.

I hate to see her hurting. I can't take away her pain and that's the worst feeling in the world.

I just keep telling her, "you will get through this".

 

[Heather]

Nicole had a terrible day. She woke up in the middle of the night crying and came into my bed. When it was time for her to go to school she was inconsolable.

I couldn't send her like that. She stayed home yet again. I know she needs to be in school but the therapist said if she needs to take a day to recover from the forensic, then let her have a day at home.

She seems a little better now. We'll see how she is in the morning.

God! I hate that she has to go through this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Heather I think that it is so wonderful that you allowed your daughter to stay home. I think that she is feeling overxposed and being gossped about is a horrible no win situation. It does more damage than good. I am very proud of your daughter for being so brave in breaking her silence and telling her secret.

You are doing so well in being thre for your daughter. Hugs.

 

[ms spock]

I feel for both you and your daughter. I don't know what to say. I have no suggestions. I think you are doing really well. I wish I had a Mother 5% like you - it would have made a difference.

 

[Heather]

@Ms Spock thank you. I'm glad you all have faith in me. Maybe I can absorb some through osmosis. I feel the depression sinking in. This whole situation really sucks.