Just Saw One Of My Abusers

[GWhizz]

Firstly, I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this, but I'm really panicking right now.

As many of you may know, I am a nurse. Today I was sitting at one of the open coffee docks in our hospital, when one of the men who used to 'buy' me from my father, passed by. He's a patient. He has a broken arm and leg that I can see and he has always been a chronic alcoholic.

It may not make much sense to ppl why I got so panicked just seeing him (he didn't see me this time), but I can't help but feel overwhelmed by fear now I know he's in my vicinity. I'm so distressed that this is coming to haunt me at work.

Only yesterday I had to request that I don't work Tuesdays as my new T wants me to be avail every week on a specific day to attend her. I already can no longer work night shifts due to my insomnia.

Now I am dreading going in again tomorrow in case I see this man again. I know he'll be cautious and not want to attract potential attention due to what happened with me, but I'm still terrified. What if I end up alone in a lift with him?

This man was particularly violent to me. I thought I may die. I can't breathe even typing this. It's all flooding back horribly and I'm afraid I'll dissociate in work or something. Until now, I've been able to keep most of this and my work separate.

 

[mrsps]

Im sorry I have no words of advise for you but I understand how terrified you must be!

Try and take deep breaths, focus on your breathing. Can you contact your T for some support?
Take care of yourself

 

[PlainJane]

I am sooo sorry. That is terrifying. Would you like to PM me and we can just talk. If you can get a hold of your therapist that would be good too. Can you listen to calm music you know the words to? Deep breaths for sure. Anything i can do with rhythm to it helps me. I.e. Guitar, draw, even vacuum. Several things I do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Other people may not understand, but WE understand!

I heard my mother's voice over the phone and it sent me into a 3 week long episode. A BAD episode. I was afraid to tell anyone what started it because they would just say "so? what's the big deal?"

But, hearing the voice of the person who has verbally and emotionally abused you your whole life is like seeing the guy who shot you holding a gun. His bullets may have been actual bullets, but her bullets were with words. Actually, SCRATCH THAT! Its like having the guy who shot you fire a gun at you! Ok, maybe not *physically* but our minds go into thermonuclear meltdown regardless.

And none of this "sticks and stones" crap.

 

[AmberSarg]

My sister sexually abused me as a child until I was 11 years old. She unfortunately is still a part of my mother's life so there is never getting away from it. I get Ill even thinking about her, let alone having to see her. Her and my biological father both abused me. My father has passed, but that sick excuse of a sister is still alive. She ruined me. They both did.
I know the horrid feeling of seeing the abuser.. it's one of the most distressing things. Do not let this creep ruin your life anymore. You cannot let the progress you have made to live a semi normal life go down the drain. I would go to the ends of the earth to have this man banned from your location of work. He is a danger walking freely around. He is the sick Individual in this situation. You did nothing wrong, so he should not be allowed to ruin your life anymore. As far as I'm concerned, people like that should be locked up forever. You can potentially prevent him from hurting anyone else. Please do not let him have power over you. Easier said than done, but from one sexually abused person to another you are an amazing individual who has made it past horrific experiences and has made a life for yourself. Keep doing amazing things and keep progressing in such a positive way.
*hugs*

 

[PinCushionPrincess]

I feel so for you! I totally sympathise with what you've experienced, I still get horrid attacks of anxiety when I see someone who even looks remotely like the guy who raped me, so badly they can throw me off course for the rest of day, and really upset me. I can empathise with Solara, I feel like it would sound so stupid to tell people I've been really shaken and upset and distracted and distant just because I saw a guy with a certain hairstyle, but it is really, really distressing. I wish I could offer more help or advice, it is really an unfortunate situation to be in, especially at work. Is there a counsellor or anything at work you could speak to? I know every work place is not always accommodating, but I know many have counsellors, whom you can speak to in confidence, and perhaps they would be able to offer at least support and advice, if not even to speak to your manager (in non specific, but authoritative terms of course) so they could be accommodating and understanding?

I'm sorry I don't have any better advice than that, but I really identified with your post and understand how distressing it must be, I really hope you get through this ok!

 

[sun seeker]

I don't want to "like" this post but wanted to reach out and send you some words of empathy and hugs if you accept them. My brain is slow today and having trouble coming up with the right words, but I hear you and want you to know anyone would feel the same in that situation. What a horrible place to be.

No advice. Just lots of understanding.

 

[Anarchy]

OMG!
That must be so bloody difficult.

 

[Blue Survivor]

Ouch, that is horrible. I am so sorry that you saw this jerk, and at the one place that you should be able to feel safe and productive. I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that your fears and worries are valid, because sometimes I think that alone helps me. Sometimes people brush off our feelings or fears or tell us to just not think about it (don't we wish that worked!) So just know that you are justified in feeling the way that you do, and that we are here to listen.

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks everyone. My new T has only seen me twice and she works for a public service which means that they can't get involved with clients beyond weekly sessions. Plus I don't really know her well enough to bring this up just yet - won't be seeing her again until Tuesday week which feels like ages away right now. I am in work at the moment but after a horrendous night. Another issue is my partner also works here as a social worker and he's his client so, ethically, I can't even bring it up with him...

 

[Anarchy]

my partner also works here as a social worker and he's his client so, ethically, I can't even bring it up with him...

I don't think he'd report you if you did bring it up, and I'm pretty sure that there are exceptions allowed for exceptional circumstances such as this - which cannot have been foreseen by whoever set out the principles.

this is one of your violent abusers and his presence in your workplace is causing you significant distress that will likely affect both your work and your relationship. I think your partner deserves to know why, if you are willing to tell him.