Justifying Long Term Therapy

[Cool Cat]

Short post on a big topic. Anyone who I have told about my therapy can't get their head around the fact I go to a longer term therapy. Even when they know why I go.

They say I should just go to CBT and everything would be sorted.

We all know that that just isn't a thing for trauma people. I need a weekly T session to heal but also to manage my life.

 

[Lucycat]

I don't really tell people that I am 'in therapy'. I have been doing so for over 5 years now, but I think most people who knew I was 'getting help' in the beginning will have assumed that it has finished.

I don't need to justify it to anybody.

 

[Friday]

I'm not married, and I'm an adult, so I don't have to justify my spending habits to anyone except the courts/tax man... And I try to avoid that eventuality as much as possible. ;)

 

[jaccat]

I did CBT. Didn't scratch the surface.

 

[barefoot]

I haven't told many people that I'm having therapy (or that I have PTSD!) but I did experience this kind of misunderstanding with a good friend.

She's had therapy (may have been counselling) in the past and found it very helpful - it basically gave her the impetus to end a relationship that wasn't working out and also lead her to quit her job and live abroad for several months. All good stuff.

So I shared my starting therapy with her just so that I felt a bit more like someone would understand what I was doing and would be able to empathise with the odd dynamic of a therapeutic relationship etc. I've told her I have PTSD and that I'm doing trauma work in therapy, but no other details about the trauma itself (my therapist is the only person I've told 'my story' to),

Anyway...it quickly became clear that my friend just didn't get it. And it made me really realise how different trauma therapy is from other kinds of therapy. Which I suppose is pretty obvious but, what can I say, it obviously wasn't to me at the start!

She texted me every week asking how my 'head work' was going, asking if it was helping, asking if I was making progress etc. The truth was, at that point I was dissociating loads in therapy (I still do) and barely spoke. So often it felt like I wasn't making any progress at all - despite intellectually being impatient and wanting to move things on, I was just so mute and stuck. And when I tried to explain this to her, she just said 'After all this time??' (it had been a few months!) And then told me to get a new therapist because this one obviously wasn't working because I 'shouldn't be finding it this hard after all this time.'

Ha! That's when I really knew that we just weren't going to be on remotely the same page so I decided there and then to not speak to her about therapy again!

It can be frustrating. And isolating. I just wanted to think that there was someone who 'got it.' But most people don't. I guess that's why we come here :-)

 

[greenleaf]

Maybe giving a few studies by "good researchers" related to the type of trauma you experienced, that include info about the type of therapy you're finding helpful?

I think that some people with no understanding of this stuff have trouble accepting the sufferers' word on this stuff. It's almost like they react like we have a conflict of interest in a way; we are both "trying to be experts on a condition" and "having the condition". It seems like they subconsciously feel like we are making the whole thing up to benefit ourselves. So it works much better to have written stuff on these issues by 3rd parties who aren't "benefiting" from the diagnosis and treatment needs existing. (Like we are wanting beach houses and private sailboats or something???)

Their reactions don't quite seem consciously thought out to me but they tend to doubt survivors who are trying to educate them, and the survivors end up suffering more as a result of this dynamic.

Probably this all could be explained better, and this is just my intuition based on various interpersonal reactions I've had with some people...

I am also very glad that many of the specific issues I seem to have had are finally showing up in said "official research" finally...

 

[Cool Cat]

So I shared my starting therapy with her just so that I felt a bit more like someone would understand what I was doing and would be able to empathise with the odd dynamic of a therapeutic relationship etc.....


.....it quickly became clear that my friend just didn't get it. And it made me really realise how different trauma therapy is from other kinds of therapy......


......she just said 'After all this time??' (it had been a few months!) And then told me to get a new therapist because this one obviously wasn't working because I 'shouldn't be finding it this hard after all this time.'

Lol I could have written the above message! Hah that is EXACTLY what it is like for me. F*cking people expect you to be better straight away. You are soooo right. Therapy for trauma couldn't be more different than the therapy most people get.

Like I really hate how everyone thinks CBT is the answer to everything.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think the problem is other people.

I think the problem is your need to justify your life and your actions to everyone else.

Word of advice....Stop. Live your life for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Who goes around talking about therapy to other people anyway? It sounds like you need some sort of justification for your actions, and when other people don't support you, you feel like you must change their opinions. Let them think what they want to think. Are you living your life for you or for them?

 

[watundah]

I see here several times people run to quickly offer the response "get a new therapist"! Sometimes that may be valid but, Well, no one knows what we went through nor what we may still be going through. I'm coming up 3 years with my therapist and I'm probably still only as far as some people would be after 3 months but that reflects the complexity of it all. If you need long term, then take care and do it. If you don't, well, I envy you.

 

[Crow]

Fifteen years in with the same psychiatrist. First five years was med updates every three months while I had a counselor. Next five was me on and off with her as a therapist during which time she stopped doling out drugs and I eventually came off drugs. The last five years have been the juice and magic. It took 11 years to get me where non-trauma clients get to in six months. Now I'm making light speed progress with trauma therapy and my psychiatrist is now a trauma expert.

I use to feel stupid and guilty for taking so long and spending so much money on therapy. Now if anyone has a problem with it, I simply have an fu attitude. I'm healthier and continuing to heal. That is what counts.

 

[Lucycat]

I'm not married,

I am not sure why marital status is relevant

 

[Friday]

not sure why marital status is relevant

Time & Money & Joint decision making! :)

Because if I were married the time & money I would be spending on therapy doesn't just impact me, it would also impact my husband.

In theory, if I had both the money & the time (I don't) I could go to therapy 2x a week forever. The only person who needs to be on board with my spending $1200 a month ($120 per hour, x2, x5), and 20 hours of travel time a week, is me. But that's a significant chunk of change, even if someone was earning low six figures. If someone is earning minimum wage? That's a whole monthly paycheck.

I have the right to make sacrifices in my own life without saying so much as boo! to a ghost. I don't have the right to make anyone else make sacrifices. Single? Just me. Just my decisions. Married? They need to have a voice, not just me unilaterally making decisions that affect both of us / insisting on their sacrifice without even letting them weigh in. I would need to justify it not just to myself, but to them, as well.